I have some concerns I would like to express to celebrities who don’t seem to appreciate all that I have done for their career.
Dear Justin Bieber-I remember when you were just a little guy who couldn’t even afford to buy your own hat. So J-Si bought one for you. You came into our studio to perform after a lot of convincing from your record rep. Your mom was with you and Scooter was just as shy as you. You had this high pitched voice and played a right handed guitar backwards. So cute. Not too long after that I booked you to come in and mentor our Rock Camp kids and then again to come perform on the Kidd’s Kids trip. I feel like I have done my part to put at least an extra hundred dollars in your pocket, so why wasn’t I in the movie? Or at least thanked in the credits? It’s like you don’t even care, Justin, and that hurts my heart. I don’t understand how you credit other shows in Never Say Never and not KKITM. More specifically ME. I was the one who was sitting on Kidd’s couch saying “hey. Manny says we need to give this kid a listen. He’s super talented and plays his own instruments. Can we give him a try?’ Kidd agreed and in you came, but I think you’ve forgotten about us. Which I don’t appreciate. So if there’s a sequel to Never Say Never, I will accept the role as radio producer who pushed you into success and you reward with a brand new car or maybe just some Biebs merch. So just let me know, Justin. I will be waiting.
Dear Kelly Clarkson- I know you know that I love you. I have sat there in front of you while you read a love letter I wrote you. You listen to the show. We know some of the same people or at least I know people who know people who know relatives of yours. So why won’t you give in and just acknowledge my love and reject me already? Like just say “Shanon, I know you have loved me for over a decade. I know you walked all the way up to the street level of your studio to get me and walked me down to meet Donny Osmond. That was a great day, Shanon. And I will never forget it.” I was the one with the poster board sign at your concert that one time and I put my cell phone number on it so you could call me. I had a backstage pass to that concert, but I was too nervous to come back and see you. So I gave it to another fan and handed her my business card to give you so you could have my contact info handy. I never heard from you. Which is OK because you are super busy a lot of times. But I know you have days off. Like Thanksgiving and Christmas. I have those days off, too, and we could talk on the phone a lot those days. So just give me a call, Kelly. I promise I can put my feelings aside and accept that you’re with that bearded guy and support that relationship until you decide to come clean and admit your true feelings. I love you, Kelly Clarkson. Thank you for being you. And for picking up the stray puppies that I don’t pick up because I live in a 600 square foot apartment and the pet deposit for dogs is too expensive. But you have a lot of space and money for pet deposits, so thank you for using those resources to rescue the puppies.
That’s really all I have to say for now. I know there are some that we had the chance to break but lost out on, so I can’t really say much to them. So Lady Gaga and Katy Perry…I apologize for not being the producer to push your career in the right direction. I’m happy you made it in spite of the fact that we did not introduce you to the world. Good job on that. I hope you can forgive us for not making you famous like we did Justin Bieber and Kelly Clarkson and thank me in your books or big screen documentaries. I don’t want to be part of the Lifetime documentaries unless I will get paid for each time it plays from here on out. Then I would be willing to co-star in your Lifetime documentary. Thank you Katy Perry and Lafdy Gaga.