Thursday, October 30, 2014

Help Me Out!!!

OK so there's a lot of info I need to share with you guys, so I'm putting it in a blog post instead of on Facebook. The DFW Brain Tumor Walk is a little over a week away, so it's crunch time.

I have to admit that perhaps my goal of raising a million dollars might have been a little overzealous. I'm not upset about falling short. My goal is to raise awareness and yes. Money. It's pretty important in that whole research part of things.

It was one year ago this week that I was diagnosed with my tumor. It will be one year ago on November 11 that I had it removed. I have to tread lightly with my words because some people have chosen to use my surgery as something to be held against me and have basically said that I'm incapable of performing basic adult tasks. That is their ignorance at work, but I choose not to feed it.

I've been on the Kidd's Kids trip a bunch of times now. I honestly don't know how many. It's life changing to see how medical conditions can effect the lives of people. You see specials on TV and read stuff in newspapers and magazines, but it's a completely different thing to experience it first hand. You go from being that clumsy kid who gets hurt all the time to the invincible teenager who can do anything to the adult who thinks they're out of the woods back to having to worry about what's to come with age. It's really strange how life works.

With Kidd's Kids, I see kids who don't get to be clumsy and experience the normal bumps and bruises most of the time. They spend their days in hospital beds and getting home schooled because they can't afford to be exposed to all of the germs and stuff that other kids bring around. I see the look on parents faces when they know that their child will not outlive them. I've seen and cried with parents who have lost their babies. When it comes down to it, life just sucks sometimes.

You look around at everything that's been going on lately and how advanced medicine has gotten. We have this big Ebola scare like three weeks ago where everyone is in a panic thinking there's going to be an outbreak and now the two nurses who contracted the disease have been released and are back to normal life. How insane is that? At the same time, though, how frustrating?

I think back to the Krista Brewers of the world and all that she went through in her battle with Neuroblastoma. It pisses me off so much that that little girl and her loved ones suffered and still suffer to the extent that they do. It's not fair. To never feel good. I think of Penny Jurkash who is so self-conscious of her hair that she won't leave the house without a beanie on her head even if it's 104* outside. And her brother, Joel, who is so sweet and supportive, but has to miss out on so much because his little sister is sick. Why them?

At the end of the day it all comes down to two things. Awareness and money. Period. The end. I think I said before that the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure is an amazing thing because it has achieved both. It's raised awareness and gathered so much support year after year. Millions of dollars are raised for that cause and it's truly a beautiful thing. If I had dealt with Breast Cancer over the past year, I know I would have been on here this past month preaching about the significance of continuing to support that cause. I didn't though. I had my head cut open to remove some build up of skin cells smack dab in the middle of my brain. They had been there since birth and finally gotten big enough to cause my brain to swell and cause physical symptoms. Once the meningitis was controlled, they went in expecting to get most of it out, but not all because it was in a terrible spot in my brain. But with the help of two fantastic neurosurgeons and the grace of God, they got it all out. Now I'm here preaching about the significance of spreading awareness about brain tumors and, of course, raising money for research.

If you don't know, the brain controls everything in your body. So having anything in there that doesn't belong can really screw you up. Getting hat doesn't belong taken out isn't cheap. The MRI's to have what doesn't belong checked out are insanely expensive. You know that healthcare is a profitable business and that money isn't going to the doctor's. It's sad, but it's true. You think that doctor's are rich and going home to million dollar mansions and stuff and yes, they do make nice livings. But it's not like you think. At all. The healthcare business is full of greedy insurance companies and hospitals that will charge you $20 for a single Tylenol. It's insane. The insanity is NOT going to stop unless we take a stand and do our part to make a difference.

That's why I'm asking for your help. It's like we tell you on Kidd's Kids Day. I'd love it if everyone could donate a hundred dollars. That would be awesome. However, I know it's not possible. Life is expensive. It's the small donations that add up. If you can't donate, pass the link along to friends and family and maybe they can. We even have cool t-shirts now that we're selling for $20. The pic of the shirts is on the bottom along with info on ordering. This is important to me and I'm going to do what I can to become an advocate for research. This is step one. It's a baby step...I know. But it's a step.

If you are interested in purchasing a shirt, go to my facebook page. Here's the link.

Send me a private message with your name, email address, size, and let me know what city you're in. If you are on my team, you will have to purchase a shirt still. You can get it the day of the race to save on shipping. I still need to know your size.

I will either send you a PayPay invoice and mail you the shirt or we will do a mass pickup to save on fees so that more is donated to the Brain Tumor Association. What I will do is pay the cost of the shirt and donate the remainder to the Brain Tumor Fund. None is going to me personally or anyone else.

If you are in the DFW area and want to walk on my team on Saturday, November 8, you can join at this link.

I want to say a special thanks to a few organizations who are showing extra support in my first step to becoming an advocate. Thank you to Dr. Rob Dickerman, Dr. Brent Morgan, Ashley, and everyone else at the North Texas Brain & Spine Institute for getting my brain all cleared up and for helping me out with this walk. And, of course, thank you to our flagship station, 106.1 KISS FM in Dallas for showing me love since I started in radio in 1999. I'm still here because of continued support from my KISS FM family, so thank you all very much.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

I need your help, please...

I’ve been making notes about stuff I want to blog about because there’s been SO much going on personally, but I need to get things rolling on me being a part of the DFW Brain Tumor Walk. Since I’ve been dealing with this whole recovery thing post surgery, it’s really REALLY put things in perspective for me. Not feeling good sucks. I know that my tumor was benign and I have been insanely fortunate to have as few issues as I’ve had, but it’s still sucked. I’m still having headaches and light sensitivity and stuff. I’m blessed because I can deal, though. Not everyone is as fortunate as me.

I met with a woman named Marla the week before last about putting a team together for this walk. She’s the head honcho for this area of the walk. She somehow suckered me into speaking at the walk (J/K, Marla) and walking, too. In fact I’ve made a team called Bruce Willis SUCKS. Yes, I believe this both personally and in the context of my tumor being named after him. Since I’ve shared this journey with you guys, I want to welcome you to join team Bruce Willis SUCKS along with me.

I know what you’re thinking. There’s a registration fee for most of these walks. With this one, there’s NOT! HOWEVER, it would be really, really awesome of you to donate towards the cause. You will not find everyone at the walk wearing a cool t-shirt saying they did it because that costs money to make. Honestly, there are two goals in being a part of this. One of them is AWARENESS. October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, which is a fantastic cause and very worthwhile. It’s also one that has a ton of participation and support. Maybe it’s because Breast Cancer is an easier thing to understand? I’m not sure. I’ve been doing some reading and I had no idea that there are so many kinds of brain and central nervous system tumors. 120! That’s a lot to wrap your head around. I didn’t mean any pun in that, BTW. Some are aggressive, some aren’t. I was born with mine and no one had a clue until one day I thought my left cheek was swollen. How random is that. It was there for 32 years and I had no idea! Other people don’t have this situation at all. There are so many what ifs and so many possible situations with a brain tumor that I cannot even begin to get into them all. There’s truly no way possible.

I can tell you about an experience that I will never forget and it’s not a happy one. Well, part of it is a fantastic one, but the ending isn’t. If you’ve been a listener for a long time you at least know of Krista Brewer. She was a Kidd’s Kid back in the mid 2000’s and she had a personality that won your heart over in a second. Her parents were the most kind and patient people ever and her big sister, Shelby, is a person to truly be proud of. Krista was diagnosed with a brain tumor when she was 9 months old. Kidd heard about Krista and learned that she LOVED popcorn and wanted one of those old-fashioned popcorn machines. So he got her one and she would call us a bunch to tell us about her machine. She went through chemo and had a lot of ups and downs throughout her journey. At one point we even thought she was done with her chemo and had her call us to talk about her very last one. It was a great day and she was so excited. And then I don’t know why God thought that she hadn’t been through enough yet, but Krista’s mom, Janice, called and told us that they found a new spot on her knee that didn’t look good. That spot had spread to other parts of her body. Krista was put on hospice and on September 17, 2008, Krista passed away in her mommy’s arms. She passed away surrounded by those who loved her the most, but it’s so unfair. I’ve been through the passing of a child before and it’s horrific. I don’t know if it’s better knowing that the death of a child is coming or not, but I know that the pain of it is undeniably the most intense thing I’ve experienced. I lost my nephew, so I cannot even say that I’ve lost my own child. I just know that when I went to the Brewer house to talk to them leading up to Kidd’s Kids Day 2014, sitting there and seeing the chair that Janice sat in while she held Krista when she took her final breath was something that I will never forget.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because you know me. A lot of you have known me my entire adult life. I’ve been with this show since I was 17, so you’ve seen me since I was truly Psycho Shanon, begging for airtime, doing whatever it took to get the attention I wanted…even if it meant apparently scaring sales people with my poems and songs…to the Psycho Shanon I am now. I like to believe that I’ve grown up a lot and changed in the past 15 years and I hope it’s been for the better. Goodness knows I’ve had a lot of life experience in that time and that can make you grow if you internalize it and see that life really and truly is too short for the BS. Seriously. This past year has been like a bat to the head full of reality.

I know that I have talked a LOT about my experience with the whole tumor thing, but I don’t know how much I’ve told you about the feelings behind it. There have been a lot. There still are a lot. A lot of tears because, as a nurse told me after my surgery and right before I was released, that happens after you have brain surgery. But beyond that, there’s a lot of guilt. It’s hard having to ask your mom to miss work to take you doctor appointment after doctor appointment because you haven’t been released to drive yet. She put in her child rearing time years ago. Why should she have to do it again? There’s a lot of fear not knowing what in the world is going to happen next. I was fine for a week after the surgery, but then the week after I was in ICU for a leaky head. Then it was stomach issues. It’s like a whole new body and for a while, it scared me. I’m so thankful I’m not a circus performer because I promise you I would have been fired by now. Walking a tightrope is not and will never be in my future. I can walk just fine. I can run just fine. (Maybe not with the best form, but that’s nothing new). I can drive, skydive, fly, mountain climb…whatever. But it’s defeating when I realize that I used to spend summers water skiing and doing things that require stellar balance and now I have to hold a handrail to walk up stairs. I’m not ashamed at all. I didn’t do anything to bring this on myself, but it’s just defeating. And upsetting.

At the end of the day I’m fine. I might get headaches, but I’m fine. I might not be able to handle the million watt laser lights at a concert, but I’m fine. I’m lucky, so I feel like I should use my blessing to help those who aren’t as fortunate as I have been. I can’t write a ten million dollar check to fund research, but I can do one small thing, so here it is.

I can use the little bit of celebrity that I’ve got and Facebook following and Twitter following to help raise awareness and money for the cause. I can get up in front of however many people show up at the DFW Walk and speak about my experience and hope to inspire and encourage them in some way. I can say the biggest thank you ever to everyone who has stood beside me through my journey, but there have been far too many of you to thank individually. I have tears in my eyes thinking about it, though. I can give back some of what has been given to me by being a part of this walk happening on November 8, 2014 in Ft. Worth, TX.  I have a team called Bruce Willis SUCKS that, if you are in or if you will be in the area, you’re welcome to join. I will post the link at the end of this blog. If you cannot physically be there, if you could pitch in a few dollars towards the cause, you are making a huge difference and I add you to the list of thank you’s that I owe.

The fact is that I never thought in a million years that today I would have a scar on my head from it being cut open less than a year ago. I never thought that anyone would tell me that I lived with stuff in my brain that didn’t belong in there for 32 years. I never thought that my brain would be dangerously swollen or that I would have to have one guy holding part of my brain up while another guy pulled stuff out I never envisioned myself using a walker to go to Bed, Bath and Beyond or even the simplest places. The point is that you never expect it to be you. It goes both ways…the good and the bad. Just like people don’t do what they need to do to double their money in the Free Money Name Game…because they know they’ll never win…you think you’re never going to be that person being ordered to have an emergency MRI. I know I did. Look at me now, though.

My sister is pregnant and I pray daily that Baby Jake is happy and healthy. I pray that all babies are happy and healthy, but I know that this isn’t the reality. I see it year after year on the Kidd’s Kids trip. Every child is a huge blessing, but if we can do anything to help those who need it…child or adult…whether it be donate money or help raise awareness…I believe that we all should. Why not? If you want to make a positive mark on the world, here’s one way to do it.

Here’s the link to my team. Again, I’m not doing fancy shirts or anything like that. Maybe when it’s closer to the day of the walk, we can find a meeting place and all get together and say hi and hang out and stuff. Maybe I can grab some bracelets from work or something if we have any extras. I’m not sure. I can promise nothing other than to be there with pride hoping to help this really important cause. And I ask you sincerely to be there with me or find a way to help, too. Thanks so much for reading this really long blog and for any help you can give.

And if my rambling means nothing to you, maybe this story will.

A young woman who has fearlessly run half-marathons and climbed Mount Kilimanjaro now faces a more daunting task: taking her own life. But Brittany Maynard, 29, insists she's not the least bit suicidal, People reports. "There is not a cell in my body that is suicidal or that wants to die," she says. "I want to live. I wish there was a cure for my disease but there's not." Diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor, Maynard has moved with her family to Oregon so she can legally kill herself with lethal medication. Experts tell her that death by stage 4 glioblastoma would be "a terrible, terrible way to die," Maynard says, and "being able to choose to go with dignity is less terrifying." Her husband, mother, stepfather, and closest friend (who's a doctor) will be by her side when she goes.

Maynard has also joined the nonprofit Compassion & Choices, which is advocating for death-with-dignity laws in New Jersey, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Colorado, and California, Inquisitr reports. So far, four states—New Mexico, Vermont, Montana, and Washington—have joined Oregon in passing such laws. Maynard says she'll help the cause by giving California lawmakers videotape testimony in mid-October. Then, two days after her husband's Oct. 30 birthday, she plans to end her life. "I'm getting sicker, dealing with more pain and seizures and difficulties so I just selected [the date]," she says. "I'm dying, but I'm choosing to suffer less, to put myself through less physical and emotional pain and my family as well." See the Brittany Maynard Fund, or read about a woman who killed herself and left a note about right-do-die laws.

Here’s the link to my team page. Thanks again.

And, just in case you missed them before, a few pics from my whole surgery journey.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Tomorrow's kinda a big deal...

Kidd’s Kids Day is tomorrow and man…that’s a LOT of pressure. Every year we say it’s the BIGGEST trip ever because every year it is. This year there are 60 kids and families planning on going to Walt Disney World for the experience of a lifetime and, well, we need the money to pay for it.

I’ve got my checkbook right next to me and I could pay for the trip, but I doubt Mickey takes post-dated checks that will never go through. That means that if these kids are waiting on me to pay for the trip, we’re all in a lot of trouble because there’s gonna be a lot of sad faces come November. I know there are a lot of charities out there that you could choose to donate your money to and I know that I’m biased, but hear me out on this.

When you think back on life, what do you have? Memories. I hope that most of them are good ones, but for a lot of the kids that have been chosen to go on the trip this year and every year, their memories are consumed with doctors visits and hospital stays. Holidays stuck in the confines of a hospital room, probably feeling guilty because your family is there with you.

And then you move on to the siblings of the kids. You know that kids compete for attention, so it’s got to be really hard when you’re the sibling of a chronically or terminally ill child and have no choice but to take the back seat a lot of times because your brother or sisters health has to come first. Of course you’re gonna feel resentment and jealousy. As you grow up, you probably feel guilt with that. Just a whole range of emotions that kids shouldn’t have to deal with in any way.

Then you think about the parents of the kids who have to try and figure it all out. Normal finances, jobs, home life, marital relationships, balancing the kids, medical bills, the stress of having a sick child, and everything else. It’s got to be utterly exhausting. I know that being the mom of healthy kids has to be exhausting, so add the emotional rollercoaster of an illness to that and it must be just overwhelming. Hearing your baby cry because they have to be poked with another needle or stay the night in the hospital again. You try to be the brave one and say that it’s all going to be okay, but is it? I’m sure that somewhere in the back of these parents mind they have to wonder if they can keep the pieces together like this. It’s a lot to take in and everyone deserves a break.

I know that a few days at Disney World does not cure any illness, but it does a whole lotta healing for the spirit. That can be better than any medicine sometimes. This trip gives kids and families something to look forward to and then something to look back on. Smiles and laughs and once in a lifetime experiences that come without the worries that they’re used to. This trip is designed so that they don’t have to so much as pay for an ice cream cone while they’re in the park. It’s THAT stress free. When we get to surprise the families with the news that they’re going on the trip, we tell them that they just need to pack undies, socks, shoes, and shorts, because we’ve got the rest covered. Hats, shirts, and everything else…and it’s all because of your donations and the fantastic partnerships Kidd’s Kids has with companies like Southwest Airlines and Raising Canes. But it’s like we’ve said on the air time and time again, it’s the few dollars here and there that really add up. So don’t feel like your $10 doesn’t matter because IT DOES. It truly does. Think about it. When you go to Wal-Mart and your kid wants a $10 toy, you don’t hesitate to say no because a $10 toy every time you go to the store really adds up. Just like these donations! Think about it that way. Nothing is too big or too small. We’ll take your big checks, too. Gladly.

If you want to make an impact that you can actually hear on the radio in November, make sure to help us out tomorrow. There are too many ways to donate for me to try and explain them all, so just bookmark You can see pics of past trips, videos, and keep up with events going on throughout the year. And tomorrow isn’t the only day you can donate. You can give anytime. Tomorrow is just the one show a year we dedicate to raising money for the trip. I’m pretty proud of a couple things you will hear tomorrow, so please make sure you’re listening. Since Kidd is not here to issue one anymore, I will go ahead and say this ahead of time. Mascara alert on a couple of things. Worthwhile, though. I promise.

Long story short. Tomorrow. Kidd’s Kids Day 2014. Come on. Make this trip happen.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Kinda random, but it is Saturday..

I have seen over the past day or two just the headline of Governor Rick Perry being indicted over abuse of power or two felonies...maybe that's the same thing. I can't help but be irritated by the fact that such a person is in a position to say that I cannot get married. Is there any irony in that situation? Go ahead conservatives...get mad....

This is a little more people with accents think in accents?

I've noticed this week since I've slept long enough at one time to actually dream that I've had some weird stuff in my head. Last night I had a really weird one and I know exactly where it came from. I dreamt that I did this stunt for the show that had me flying through the air into water. I was able to fly the length of one block before I came down. I've had a lot of propelling dreams for some reason and they've all been block before I came down. But anyway. I come back to the studio and we all have lockers made of ice chests. Random. I know. And people who have never asked to see where I work and show little to no interest in my life were there with a cartoon drawing of me...but it looked nothing like me. It was supposed to be a tribute to me, but it was an insult in the end. Again, I know where this one came from...I just didn't know that this situation was apparently bugging me that much. It shouldn't be, so I gonna put a stop to that.

I went to see the neurologist on Tuesday and it was more of the same. Nothing definite. She said it's stress on top of muscle and some other stuff. She had an accent, so maybe I didn't pick up on all of it. But she added an anti-depressant to my list of meds to see if it helps. I had to walk a straight line...that was comedic. I couldn't do it. I pray to goodness that I never get asked to do a sobriety test because I will fail miserably. I'm talking fall over to the side drunk looking. We'll see if this works for the headaches. I need it to.

I know I've been doing these deep blogs about important stuff and another one is coming, but this one is just a quick update on what's going on in my head. Not too deep, though. There have been moments of utter rage, frustration, times to just step back and take the moment in, and a little bit of everything in between. That's life. And knowing that's life, I leave you with this pic I found on pinterest.

Monday, August 4, 2014

And finally I finished this dang thing

Do you ever look at the people on your Facebook friends list of your cell phone contact list or whatever list…just the people in your life and wonder how they view you? I think back to yesterday’s show when Kellie was talking about Chris Brown’s ex as a doormat. Are you someone’s doormat? Am I someone’s doormat? Maybe it’s something you don’t really want to face or acknowledge because it sucks. It’s way easier just to try and talk yourself out of it or ignore it than it is to face the reality that you’re better than this person gives you credit for.

It’s almost inevitable that most of us are going to have a job at one point in our lives that someone we work for or with isn’t going to see our value. A company is made of so many people from so many different backgrounds and personalities and goals…you’re going to butt heads. But that’s a circumstance where you kind of have no choice but to suck it up at times because you have to pay the rent somehow, right?

I’m talking about feeling worthy in the lives of the people you choose to be around after you clock out for the day. Maybe you’re a family oriented person and the first call you make after work is to a family member. How do you feel when you hang up the phone? Did they lift you up somehow? Or did they make it their point to take your day and make it even worse because, somehow, that made them feel better about themselves? But they’re family, so you have no choice in the matter, right? WRONG!

The idea of family is a great one. You’re born into this group of people who SHOULD love you and support you and stand behind you no matter what. The theory is a great one, but the reality isn’t always anywhere near that. Who knows why people do what they do sometimes, but here’s the truth. You didn’t pick your family and no matter how hard it might be to come to terms with, you’re not stuck with them. Yeah, they’re probably going to try and make you feel about an inch tall when it’s clear that you don’t feel like you belong anymore. But just like any other relationship, it’s a two way street.

I always try to use analogies because I think they make things easier to understand. So here’s an analogy. Let’s say (in regards to the family thing) that you have a cousin who punches you in the eye every time your family gets together. It leaves a bruise and hurts like crap, but no one in the family does anything to stop it. Your only choice is to quit going to family stuff. Makes sense to protect yourself, right? At least to you it does. But then you gotta deal with the guilt of disassociating yourself from people who throw you to the wolves, so to speak. How is that right? I don’t know. I, for one, don’t think it is. I believe that if you were to continue to go and get punched in the face while no one even tried to protect you that it would make you a weak spirited person. A doormat. One that lays there while whoever wants to rubs there dirty, poopy, muddy, gummy, worn out, disgusting shoes on. Is that who you want to be?

Why am I writing this? I don’ t know if you’re asking that or not. You might not care. But I’m finding myself asking myself where do I fit in the picture. The family thing was an analogy. Just the big picture of life. What’s my purpose? I mean really…why am I here? I read messages from people who say that I’ve helped them in a bunch of ways. Whether it be coming out, health stuff, dealing with loss, or just random life whatever. I’m proud to know that I’ve made that difference for them. Beyond that, though, what am I supposed to be doing? I don’t think that God has me here for the sake of daily migraines and spending excessive amounts of time in my really dark bedroom. What’s the plan then?

I think back a lot on the past year and how I’ve asked over and over for the same thing. Good things for good people. I’ve seen it happen on occasion and I’m insanely grateful for that. I think maybe I’m feeling a little resentful and dumbfounded as to when that is going to become a consistent part of life. If ever. That might sound selfish and dumb, but I think everyone is allowed to think that way every now and then. Try not to beat me up too much for it. I know that I’m lucky to have you guys and the support and prayers and love that you’ve given. I’m lucky to be alive and able to function. I’m going to be honest. I want to function and not feel like crap. This is not me and I’m giving into it. Or is it really my new normal? I don’t deal well with uncertainty and I’ve got a lot of that going on.

I’ve tried backing off of the health talk because if I’m tired of talking about it, you’re probably sick of reading about it. But here’s a really long story short. Since the surgery, I’ve lost a lot of weight. I couldn’t keep food down for the longest. I’ve had a ton of tests done, but everything is fine with all the tests. There’s no for sure reason as to why this stuff has been happening…it just is.  I’ve had stuff go down my throat and up my….and more to come. When I say two a days, it’s not football practice, it’s more migraines. You get the idea. It’s a whippin to type, so I won’t beat you down with more to read about.

So onto a couple of random things.

1.     My Facebook like page is verified and that is exciting for me.
2.     This blog says I have over a million views. That’s exciting for me, too. THANK YOU for continuing to support me and follow my journey through life. Especially the bumpy roads I’ve encountered every now and then.
3.     I declare myself the worst cook ever. I ruined a pizza. How in the hell do you ruin a friggin pizza? I did. I still don’t know how. But I did.
4.     Why does the crazy rat lady at Target judge me for shaving my cat because I’m allergic to him?
5.     Why doesn’t Missy Elliott make new stuff? I love her music.
6.     I finally gave in and got on the Pinterest, but I still don’t understand the point. Beyond quotes that I want to paint on fence post signs or whatever, what do you do with it?
7.     Can a person’s head explode because they have so much going on in it and don’t know what to do with all of it? I mean really. Is that scientifically possible?
8.     Why do I still follow Justin Bieber on Instagram? I just want to punch him in the throat and maybe knock some sense into him. I know he does good things, but he comes across as such a jerkface most of the time. Gosh.
9.     Why can Iggy Azalea rap so good and I can’t? She even has an accent. I don’t. But she can rap fast. I can’t. Is it because the baby makers upstairs hate me?
10. My cat is a jerk. I’ve come to realize this. He truly is. He made me bleed yesterday. I clean his litter box, feed him, clean his butt, wipe his eyes, clean his ears, make sure his needs are met…and he makes me bleed. And sleeps. And poops way more than I think any living thing should. When I scoop his poop, I swear to you Must Be Nice guy sits on my shoulder and whispers in my ear “Must be nice…”

And I guess for now that’s really all I have to say about that.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

One year later, do it #ForKidd

I’ve mentioned in my blog before that I’ve not even started to deal with Kidd’s death. The one-year anniversary is on Sunday and I don’t know where my head is in regards to that. It doesn’t seem real even though it smacks me in the face every single day. Here’s the impact of losing him. My dad is my dad. He raised me and taught me to walk and talk and survive. Kidd was my second dad in a way. I knew him since I was 17. I listened to him since as long as I can remember. He was one of my heroes for forever. Once I started working with him, he taught me every skill that I have to be an independent radio producer or personality or whatever. No one else does it like him. Period. Tons of shows have stolen his bits because he was a creative genius. Perfectionist to a fault. He drove me nuts. I drove him nuts. But in the end, he was and is family to me. We would argue and bicker and sometimes not speak off the air because that’s just the way it was. That’s how it is when creativity clashes. Perfectionists don’t always see eye-to-eye…especially exhausted ones. But no matter what, there was love. And I knew that there would be love no matter how crappy of a day we had. I wish that I would have thanked him for giving me this once in a lifetime opportunity that most people dream of, but I didn’t. I hope that I proved my gratitude through my hard work and dedication to this show bearing his name. He had to have known. I hope that he did.

In an effort to keep the positivity behind his legacy going, we want you to “Do it for Kidd.” You know he was a man who was all about paying it forward and random acts of kindness. It doesn’t have to be anything huge or over the top or even monetary.  Just make a conscious effort to make a difference…a positive difference…in someone else’s life. Can you imagine if you were Kidd up in Heaven, looking down and saw so many people “doing it for you?” THAT is a legacy to be proud of. To make someone’s day better no matter how bug or small the gesture. Need some help with ideas? Let me think for a minute.

There’s always the option of paying for the meal of the person behind you in the drive through…and pray that they’re not being generous and buying for the entire office that day, Maybe you see an older person unloading some groceries into their car…slowly and calmly offer to help them. See a poor puppy wandering the street? If it looks like it won’t eat your face off, take it to the animal shelter. Pass out a case of bottled water to landscapers or construction workers. Take a couple of hot pizzas down to the fire station. You get the idea. Just do something that will help or bring a smile to someone else’s face. It’s not hard. And I promise you’re going to feel better about yourself when you’re done. So do it for yourself, but in the Twitterverse or social media world #ForKidd. DO it this weekend and tell us about it.

If you want the Kiddnation way of explaining it, they may do it better.

I know the impact that the Kraddick family had on my life. I know that when Kidd passed, he was a single man and that things were a lot different than when I first started. I would be crazy if I didn’t say that the people he introduced into my life have made a huge impact. From Carol and Caroline to his friends and family to trusted radio friends…I know that I wouldn’t be where I am or who I am if it weren’t for him. It’s as simple as that. He taught me that it’s ok to be selfless and it’s OK to cry and to be vulnerable. It makes you human and that’s something I would have never accepted before. It’s scary and opens you up to get burned and who wants that? With the schedule of the show I was able to have the strongest bond of my life with my nephew. I picked him up as much as I could. Kept him out too late. Bought him wench wise and coke…which he wasn’t supposed to have…and took the sweatiest, drooliest naps ever with him. Stuff I can’t imagine not having memories of and would literally trade anything to have back. I’ve also been given the opportunity to love in a different way. I know that we talk about Kidd’s Kids and the bonds that happen with the families on the trip. I also know that the main bonds you hear about are the ones with the cast.  I’m gonna give you a little peek behind the curtain. I get to go and hang out with the families before the trip and go out with them in the parks, so I also have a chance to bond with them. You just don’t hear about it. I will never have a child of my own, so I have a lot of love to give. And with these trips, I’m blessed to meet kids to share it with. Kids like Michael Hope, Emma Elizondo, Victoria, Maddy, Ayden, Sissy, the triplets, Krista Brewer, and so many more. I wish I could list everyone, but I suck at spelling and last names. And names in general. Kidd gave me that chance with his vision made reality and for that, I am grateful.

How many people get the chance to say that they have met their hero? Even better, how many people can say that they go to work every day and can call their hero a co-worker? I am one of those people. I am well aware of the fact that I work with the best in the business. I say this in a completely professional, yet fan girl way. Kellie Rasberry is hands down the most talented woman in the radio industry. Period. I don’t have a single doubt in my mind when in comes to that statement. She has the patience of a saint to have dealt with an A.D.D. perfectionist like Kidd for as long as she did. Their chemistry is impossible to create. It’s either there or it’s not. Kidd was a petite man, but an intimidating one. Kellie didn’t let him scare her one bit and I admire that about her. She is strong, smart, kind, giving, loving, and so many other things I can’t articulate at the moment. She is and has been my hero for as long as I can remember and I don’t see that changing. So a big thank you to Kidd for giving me the opportunity to work with such a talented, inspiring woman.

This blog could go on for days about the past 15 years of my life with the show, but that’s a long read. I know I can get pretty wordy as it is, so I’ll cut it short. Just please remember to pay it forward this weekend, do it #ForKidd, and always Keep lookin’ up, cuz that’s where it all is.