Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Watch out for the wolf!

I guess I will start this blog in a lighthearted manner with some things to think about if you live in an apartment.

1.     Tap dance lessons on carpet are still tap dance lessons. Your downstairs neighbor can hear you. At least go tap in the parking lot.
2.     Be conscious of the food you cook. It is unpleasant for me to walk in my door and think that maybe you are painting your walls in stinky food. No amount of scented wax can cover it up. Just FYI.
3.     If you have careless kids in the car with you, open their door for them. That way they don’t slam their door into my car. That I pay for. Teach them respect and the value of other people’s property. I’m still not over the ding in my door.
4.     When taking a SLOW stroll around the complex, move out of the dang way if a car is coming. Yes, pedestrians have the right of way. But there is no considerate reason for you to walk in the center of the parking lot with your kid running around like a crazy person, making it impossible to pass. I cuss at you for this.
5.     I spray for bugs in my apartment like a crazy person. I’m not the OCD cleaning lady most of the time, but my apartment is clean-ish. So it really upsets me when unclean people live around me and I run into an occasional disgusting bug in the hallway. One even came in my apartment before.
6.     Yes. Lauren Hill was cool when I was about 7. It’s 2013. Find something new. I swear if I hear that song one more time I might get a little crazy.

I guess that’s all I have on that subject for now.

And for my gays who were at the Pride parade this weekend. Here’s a few notes for you.

1.     You can duck down behind as many cars as you want. Pot still stinks. So do it in your own space.
2.     I get that it’s hot. But I don’t want to see or accidentally rub up against your butt hanging out, belly hanging over, rainbow panties or undies or whatever those guys wear. So drink some water and understand that tens of thousands of people are in a small space. Your skin is dirty to me. Keep it to yourself.
3.     Yelling vulgar things at us does not entice us to throw you a 25-cent pair of beads. It makes me want to punch you in the throat. Go pay a stripper to show you her boobs. I only do that when it’s for a bit. Idiots.

I guess that’s all I have to say about that.

Amber posted or said something the other day that has played in my head over and over and over. Plain and simple. Haters are gonna hate. That’s a harsh reality to face in life. But you know what? Suck it up and do it.  Accept the fact that not everyone in this life is going to see the positive in you. They’re going to be blinded by outside influences or just sheer bitterness in their heart and use you as the target to let out some of their self-hate. I know this because I’ve done it. Many times before. But then I grew up.

There’s a lot to be said for developing a mature state of mind. Just because you turn 18 doesn’t mean you’re mature. Or 21. Or 30 for that matter. There is no specific set life event that takes you from a simple-minded person to a mature one.  I’ve seen 14 year olds who have more maturity than any adult I’ve met. Which is sad for both. A 14 year old should be worried about boys or girls and text messages and stupid stuff like that. It’s pretty sad the way that life turns out for some people, but that’s the hand we’re dealt.

I was doing something yesterday in my apartment and had Teen Mom or 16 and Pregnant on in the background. And I’m listening to these people who have produced the future of our world taking their baby daddy to court over Tweets. A dad with a newborn misses two months of his babies life because he’s gotta go to rehab to kick his drug habit. It’s especially sad to me after seeing my sister and brother in law lose their baby boy. I don’t know if rehab worked or not. If it did, then good for him for doing what he needed to do in an effort to be a potentially better dad. If not, what a waste of a gift from God. Seriously. Shame on him for missing out on that time because he was wasting it at a facility.

Anyway, my mind is moving faster than my fingers can type. Back to the whole haters thing. I was thinking about this today while I was standing in a really long line at the store. The lady in front of me had a toddler in the little booster seat thingy you strap kids into. The kid was upset over something the kid the next line over said. And the mom did nothing to console her kid. And then after the husband came to the checkout line, she stopped the checker from doing what she needed to and told her husband about the adorable fit their kid just threw. On spec I didn’t like these people. I know nothing about them. And frankly it didn’t matter to me. Actions speak louder than words and this mothers actions just seemed unreal to me. Next thing I know I get to my car and who comes to the truck next to me? This mom, dad, and daughter. I turn my car on and get ready to back out. Reverse lights on. I see the mom look at the back of my car. It would make sense to pick up the daughter, get out of my way, and let me leave. But she didn’t do this. Instead she lets the kid rub up against my car, opens the driver side door and the back door thing, waits for the kid to climb in, lets the kid play in the truck for a minute, puts her in her seat, the readjusts the front seat, fixes the lanyard that held her keys, leaves the doors open, walks to the back of the truck, waits for the husband to return the basket. THEN she walks around, doors still open, and I have to wait for the husband to get in, put his seatbelt on, and close the doors.

During this inconsideration, I posted on my Facebook that I’m out of patience for the day. I was a little upset with myself for getting so irritated by complete strangers. But at the same time, common courtesy goes a seriously long way. They even tried to back out before I did! But I made sure that didn’t happen.

The point of that story is that I didn’t even give these people a chance to prove that they could be considerate. And honestly, why would I? I don’t know them. I’ve never seen them before and will likely never see them again. I cannot possibly get to know the millions of people in this country. So should I feel guilty for judging them the way that I did?

I guess it’s different when a stranger shows blatant disregard for you versus someone you have regular contact with. Maybe it’s a friend of a friend. Like Bridesmaids. Annie didn’t really give Helen a real chance to prove herself until the end of the movie. And to some degree Helen deserved what she got. She made it pretty obvious that she was trying to belittle Annie. So yeah, you get what you give in that scenario. But what about people who decide they don’t like you based on nothing? I know that in the job I’m in people are going to hate. And honestly that’s perfectly OK with me. I would much rather be loved or hated than have people feel indifferent about me. But in my little world, where I’m trying to be the best person I can be and I’m still not given a chance, it sucks. But at the same time it drives me. Is that a sick, cyclical way of living life? To try and gain the respect of people who have zero reason to deny you that in the first place? Wasted energy? It’s like beating your head against a wall and the wall just won’t give. Very frustrating.

I guess that’s just life. And you really have to look at it this way…if you’re worthy of this thought process. It’s their loss. I know what I have to offer. I know what I want to give. The only thing in this world that I have any amount of control over is myself. And staying calm and rational so that I don’t give the haters a reason to hate. I’m better than that, right?

Social media is such a blessing and a curse. It keeps us in touch with people near and far. We can check up on our loved ones without them knowing we do it. But it’s also a whole new way of spreading hate. It’s strange how one single message from a person can change everything. For better or for worse. Facebook brought Amber into my life. Yea that. But Facebook also opens up everyone’s world to whatever words some coward chooses to type. I’ve been threatened, harassed, hurt, blessed, and all other types of things through social media. I guess you have to take the bad with the good, but man does it SUCK at times.

I guess the moral of this long thing is to keep in mind the power of your words. And the power of your silence. Follow your gut when it comes to the people you allow in your world. As horrible as it is, there are a lot of people in our lives who have been wolves in sheep’s clothing for a long time. It’s what we know and learn to accept as familiar. And maybe we even allow them to make us a little bit of a wolf, too. Familiar does not equal right. Change is scary, but sometimes when you open your eyes and see who you allow to stand in front of you, you realize what you’re missing out on by allowing them that space. It’s hard to earn people’s respect, but it’s impossible when you’re not even given the opportunity. But that’s a lesson I’ve learned throughout my years and, in my opinion, a sign of true maturity. Because, after all, when someone shows you who they are, you should just go on and believe them. A wolf will hunt down its prey and take down everything and everyone in its path. So it’s up to us to avoid them altogether.

And I guess that’s all I have to say about that.


Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Since I was just sitting in the airport....

Hi. So I'm sitting in Kansas City...at the airport known as MCI...waiting on a delayed flight home. I just have a couple things to say about this. First, I wish I drank coffee because the lady working at the Starbucks sounds exactly like Bon Qui Qui. I'd record her talking if I had a clever way to start a conversation with her. But I don't. Secondly, this airport ranks in my bottom 5. I'm in a long distance relationship. It's a lot of flying to see one another, but well worth it. But if I could choose airports NOT to go through, they would include DFW, Houston Hobby, Kansas City, and Orlando. I'm not decided on the 5th worst yet. If I could choose my faves, they would be Dallas Love Field, Indianapolis, Louisville, Lexington, and I'm not sure on the 5th fave. So if you ever wanna give me plane tickets or whatever, please be mindful of the airports I don't like. 

Speaking of flying. I just got off of the first plane and felt like I couldn't get far enough away from the guy next to me. He looked nice and clean cut and stuff, but when he sat down he sneezed into one hand, coughed into the other, wiped his nose, and then picked his teeth. People cough and sneeze. I get it. But do it into your shirt or in the fold of your arm. If your nose needs wiping, be a civilized human and do it with something other than the fingers you're about to touch our shared armrest with and then the air vent. And if you have something in your teeth, go to the bathroom and pick it out or something. Especially if you're going to pick it out, look at it, and then flick it. I saw a guy doing the same thing in the food court the other day, too. I dislike them on spec. I judge their dirtiness and lack of courtesy for things that other people see and touch. For the love of teddy bears boys....you're gross!!

Lesson learned the hard way after the 10-mile canoe trip yesterday. Paddling makes you shift left and right a lot. And my sensitive pastry butt is paying the price. It hurts like I'm pouring a constant flow of alcohol over an open wound. I went to the Dollar General earlier and got some butt paste. It's on there. But holy crap my butt hurts. 

I feel really bad for the man sitting in the airport chairs in front of me. His wife won't stop nagging. I'm sure he deserves it, but can't they text argue? 

I tweeted on posted a FB message the other day apologizing for the Chloe bit I wrote not going well. Most people replied back that it was funny anyway and they enjoyed it. But then there's that occasional jerk who uses that moment when you're down to lash out and diminish your creative talent altogether. Here's what I say to one particular guy. I don't see you offering up anything better since I suck so bad. So unless you can give constructive criticism or offer up some kind of solution to what I'm doing wrong, you can just suck it. I don't care what you suck on. As long as its not attached to me. I have thoughts in my head where to go with this, but I will keep those to myself. Because if I start my list of things for you to suck on, I'm no better than you. 

I enjoy Diet Pepsi a lot. Probably way too much. Just saying. 

Another thing about this airport. What in the crap were they thinking when they built this place? You have to go out of security to eat anything other than Quiznos, Starbucks, some meat place, or some overpriced little market. And there might be a grand total of 6 women's bathroom stalls on this side. So the wait is long. And it sucks when the maintenance lady is in the corner on her phone talking about the terrible smell in the bathroom instead of doing something about it. When I came through here on Thursday, there wasn't a drop of soap to be found. It baffles me how people who consistently suck at doing the easiest of jobs stay employed. I mean good for them for having a paycheck coming in instead of just using welfare or whatever, but at least TRY and LOOK like you might possibly potentially care. 

I know I'm griping a lot. I'm hormonal and tired. All I want is food in my mouth at all times. But then I obsess over it and it wears me out. And brings me down. So I'm gonna need for some doctor or something to decide that I don't need my reproduction system, give me some sleepy time whatever gas or IV, and rip 'em out. Please. And thank you. 

Is Butt Paste better than Desitin? It costs more for less of it at the Dollar General, so I'm assuming it is. 

Do you ever wonder how and why some people pick their ringtones and don't get embarrassed when they ring out loud? Or is that just me?

So I just looked at an update on my flight delay. It was arriving home at midnight. Now it's 11:50. I'm gonna call that progress. 

I think I'm gonna go put on my dirty Nike sweat pants and try and nap the beeyotch out of my system. Cuz dang I don't even like my head right now. 

Oh. And one more thing. Tuna fish sandwiches stink! So please ask me before you sit down next to me and eat one. I wish the guy next to me was reading my blog right now.

Dirty sweats on. Pillow out. Time to check out. 

It’s the next day now. The Wi-Fi in the airport wasn’t strong enough to let me post. And when I got home I was beat. So I went to bed and waited until now to post. Sorry I’m lazy. I’m putting this out there for you and the universe to read. I’m needing a full circle happy, healthy life to look forward to. One where I keep my relationship that makes me happy, but where I can know for a fact that I can contribute what Amber deserves towards our future. I need to get to the point where I feel a sense of pride when I look at my bank account. I want to say to myself that all my years of busting ass have paid off. It’s my own stupid fault I’m where I am now. Allowing people to walk all over me. Being the caretaker and literally having my financial security and short term future sucked out of me. I’m finally taking huge steps forward in giving my heart and soul what it needs in life. It’s taken many years of bruises and abuse of my inner being to finally get to this point. I can finally say to myself in complete honesty that I deserve better than what I’ve allowed in my life. I’m disgusted with myself for not going with my gut. Because the reality of it is that had I gone with what I knew in my gut, I would have a heck of a lot less stress in life than I do now. So I’ve found love that I’ve wanted and I’m ready to finally start building that picture perfect life I deserve. I know that life isn’t perfect. But I’m also hoping that most of you aren’t “literal men and women” who are gonna give me crap for using that word. But why shouldn’t I? I’ve never even been able to accept that I’m worthy of “good enough.” Now it’s time to move on, see that I am a good person with a good heart, I work hard, I’ve shown my loyalty…now it’s time for the payoff. It’s like I’ve put together the center pieces of the puzzle…finally…and now I need to edges to keep it all together. To secure the pieces where they belong.

It will happen. I know it will. With the stuff that’s happened lately, I’ve seen the support system I’ve got in my life. It’s kind of sad to see where support did not come from, but hey. That’s life. Everybody’s got stuff going on and mine is no more important than theirs. But maybe on occasion it should be. I’ve been the person to put my feelings and selfishness aside. So now it’s  time for that good karma to come my way. But when it hits me, I hope it’s not on my butt. Beause all the butt paste I’ve applied today hasn’t helped a lot.

Thanks for reading my blogs you guys. It feels nice to know that a few of you care about what I have to say.

Goodnight. Tomorrow is HUMP DAY!! WOOT WOOT!!!