It's so surreal to know that in less than 12 hours, I will be having brain surgery. Head cut open with two neurosurgeons messing around up there. In case you've missed it, I've got a benign brain tumor that's being removed tomorrow morning. It's wedged or wrapped o something around my brain stem and my cerebellum. It's messing up the 5th nerve in my brain.I don't pretend to understand all of this for even a second. All I know is that my head has been hurting a lot, I can't see very clearly at times, and right now my left hand is swollen and the redness is spreading up my wrist. I didn't injure it on anything, so I'm not sure what's up.
I will be in ICU following the surgery. I don't know how long I'm supposed to be there. The surgery starts tomorrow morning at 7AM and should last about 6 hours, if all goes well. They won't have to shave a bunch of my hair, I hope. I will be out during the surgery since they're not messing with the past of my brain that has to do with speech. So at least there's that.
I for sure did not see this coming. Not one bit. I'm so seriously lucky that Yea Networks (the LLC business name behind the show) has been so supportive. I have gotten THOUSANDS of messages from people who want me to know they're praying for me. I wish I could reply to every one, but I can't. I'm not even exaggerating when I say THOUSANDS of you have been very vocal about letting me know I'm in your thoughts.
It's easy to ask "why me" when bad stuff happens. You know? But I've come to realize that this question should be asked during the good times, too. Why me? Why do I deserve to be a part of your thoughts and prayers? I'm very blessed and I just need you all to know that I recognize it.
I'm scared about this surgery. Terrified in fact. But this is totally out of my hands and in the hands of two of the best surgeons in Dallas. There will be some temporary side effects, but full recovery is expected. I wish that I knew specifics to share with you guys, but I don't. I don't know if I will have my phone or laptop with me for a few days, but I will ask my mom to post updates on my behalf. I guess I better delete all of the naked pics I've got in my phone so she doesn't see them. J/K.
Thank you again for all of your love and support. I'm gonna use every bit of it to get through this scary time. Love you guys.