Another blog that’s been too long since the last one. I’m sorry about that. It’s been a blur lately and I’ve had a hard time making sense of things.
We can start with the obvious. We are trying to keep KKITM a show that Kidd would be proud to have his name on. It’s a lot different these days. I’m not saying different is bad. It’s just different. I had 14 years to “get” Kidd. And I think I had the man down pretty well. Now I’m trying to “get” the flow of a show without Kidd. Honestly, I think we’ve been doing a pretty decent job. Of course I’ve screwed up about 700 times already, but I’m trying and I can assure you that the other people in that studio are trying, too. Just be patient with us as we try and find our way in a world that used to have a super fancy, updated, top of the line navigation system built in. Now we are driving with a Mapsco, but as a team we are going to find a way.
I guess all I can really say is that the messages of love and support have been completely overwhelming. And that’s putting it lightly. The truth is that none of us or anyone else could ever fill Kidd’s shoes. That’s not what we’re trying to do. Kidd was a visionary in the radio industry. There are some radio sites that have tributes written about Kidd and how he has changed the entire path of morning radio. I knew he was great at what he did, but I didn’t understand the depths of it until after his passing. So now that the show carries on, all we can hope to do is follow the lessons that he taught us. We all knew that Kidd would retire one day, but we didn’t know that he would suddenly pass away. So while we mourn the loss of our leader, co-worker, and for a lot of us family member, we try and see the light at the end of the tunnel and do a radio show that you still want to listen to everyday. Growing pains SUCK, but they’re a necessary evil. I jut want to say thank you for your continued support of us individually and as a show. We’re gonna make Kidd proud….hopefully while you listen.
I’m going to cuss in the next sentence, so close your eyes or whatever if that offends you. Life has been a shit storm lately. I’m not telling you this because I want sympathy or anything like that. I’m just spelling it out.
Samantha did move to Maui. I still don’t know the words to say that would properly convey my feelings about this. I’m insanely proud of her and Orlando for just doing what their hearts told them to. Find new beginnings. Make new memories in new places without constant reminders of their pain. I know that a lot of people in my world don’t see it that way, but I think that being mad or upset with them for going is selfish and mean. They lost their baby. And for them every place they go here in Dallas sparks some memory made with Ethan before he passed. Which is comforting to some degree, but it just keeps the wound open just enough where it refuses to heal. They weren’t happy. There was pressure on them to have another baby. Again, not fair for anyone else to tell them that having another child would make them happy again. Ethan cannot be replaced. And implying that getting pregnant will fix everything is pretty much setting the groundwork for the thought that he could be replaced. That’s an unfair position to put them in. They will have another baby if and when the time is right for them. In the meantime, they’re enjoying their once in a lifetime opportunity to dive in headfirst. Do what feels right and live their lives for themselves. Sam and Orlando aren’t anybody’s parents. They owe nothing to anyone. So hostility about their choice to leave doesn’t set well with me. At all. And I won’t hear it. Yeah, I’m sad because Sam and I are really close. While moving to Hawaii with them sounds like a fantastic idea, truth be told I couldn’t even afford to have my car put on the ferry over there at this point. I have to get my crap together because the crap that I’ve allowed to weigh me down for so long is doing just that. Weighing me down. Making every move painful and stress filled. I had decided in my head to follow Sam and Orlando’s lead and do what I needed to do for me. But I guess the universe wasn’t aligned with my thought process and now I have to reevaluate. I guess certain things just weren’t meant to be right now.
Long story short…I’m proud of Samantha and Orlando for following their hearts. Taking the time to heal. Gaining distance from the pressures that only add stress to their already heavy hearts. Unfairly.
I asked last week for prayers for my friend BJ Reynolds. He was in bad shape. I won’t get into the specifics, but he had to be put into a coma and had brain swelling and a whole bunch of stuff that was awful. I went to the hospital last Tuesday to see him and it will forever be etched in my brain. I got a text saying that BJ passed away around 7:15 on Thursday night. That just so happened to be during the Concert for Kidd’s Kids. Bad timing to say the least. I called his dad immediately after I got the text just to hear his voice. I know he’s not OK. I know that he doesn’t care how sorry I am that I wasn’t there at the hospital when it happened. He told me the one thing that I’ve talked about not wanting to hear before. He’s in a better place. But it’s different this time. BJ really is in a better, pain free place. He’s struggled so much over the last 4 years and was living on life support, sustaining more brain damage every day. Had he been able to sustain his own life, he would have been a vegetable. He’s not that guy. So for the first time I truly do believe that he is in a better place. He will be missed by me and many others, but thank goodness BJ’s family has a super awesome support system to help lift them up. I’m so proud to be able to call BK, his dad Jerry, ad step-mom Kelly my friends. And as of last week, my two newest heroes.
Strength can be hard to find sometimes. Some of us can lie in bed for a week because we got dumped by a boyfriend of a month. Or because we didn’t get the promotion or pay raise at work. But to have to plan memorial services for your child is the ultimate in down. I’ve had to see my sister and brother-in-law do it. They both know how highly I hold them in regard. And now BJ’s parents fit in that same category. Jerry told me that he felt OK leaving the hospital when I was there visiting BJ in times past because he was my bud. If you don’t know BJ, here’s how I describe him. He’s kind of the brother I never had. We would call each other names and he took drunken videos of me saying inappropriate things. I didn’t worry about them because I trusted him 100%. I told Jerry and Kelly that I knew that if I had driven 45 minutes away to go out, got drunk, called BJ at 4AM and asked him to come pick me up 45 minutes away…he would do it. No questions asked. And he wouldn’t try to take advantage of my drunk lightweight ass. He was just that guy. Those kinds of people don’t cross my path very often. So I feel blessed to have been able to call him my friend and now I’m just as proud to call his parents my heroes.
Amber has been my rock through all of this. And I know that’s been hard on her because we live so far away from each other. But she has been by my side, wiped my snot, dried my tears, and made me get up and do something. She wasn’t going to allow me to fall into the hole that I did when my Ethan passed away. I would do the same for her, but that’s always been me. I am a caretaker. I’ve not been one to allow anyone else to hold me up when all I wanted to do was fall. But I let it happen with her and I think that God is smiling down on her for being able to withstand my weight.
On a lighter note, what do you guys think of the show? Constructive words, please. What do you love about it? What could be better? Please don’t take this as an opportunity to be rude or hateful because I will just delete your post. Please give an honest answer of what you think needs to happen in order to keep KKITM alive in a fashion that Kidd would be proud to have his name on.
Thanks for reading.