Dear Kelly Clarkson-
Hello Kelly Clarkson. My name is Shanon Kay Murphy. The name Shanon comes from that song about the dog. And it's spelled with one "N" because my mom mis-spelled it because she was overmedicated when she filled out my birth certificate. Kay and Murphy are both family names. Murphy is my maiden name because I'm not married. I'm a lesbian and, even if I had someone who wanted to marry me, it's not legal here. Dang the luck.
I have Facebooked you many a times, but have never gotten a reply. I will admit that I'm pretty upset by this news, but I know you're a big celebrity and probably don't have time for fans such as me. I know that you're composing some of the biggest songs of all time, like Stronger, Mr. Know It All, Grown Up Christmas List, I Do Not Hook Up (although I wish you did), My Life Would Suck Without You, Miss Independent, The Trouble With Love Is, Since U Been Gone, A Moment Like This, O Holy Night, Breakaway, Behind These Hazel Eyes, Walk Away, Breakaway, Never Again, and the Star Spangled Banner. Good job on those, Kelly Clarkson?
I feel like I should make a list of all the reasons why I love you the way I do. Because I really do love you. On behalf of all those who claim to love you as much as I do, I will compose my list now.
1. You have cute puppies
2. You love Donny Osmond
3. You have pretty eyes
4. I love the pants you wear in the video for "Walk Away." Can I please have them?
5. You let my good friend Matt Nathanson open for you. I love his song "Run"
6. You have a fun accent. I like accents
7. If you would facebook me back, Im pretty sure we could be best friends
That's just a few of the reasons why I love you. I could go on, but I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable.
Please email me and let me know where to pick you up for our date. firstname.lastname@example.org
I love you always and forever, Kelly Clarkson!
Shanon Kay Murphy