Decision time...

I’m writing this post Insanity Fit Test. I’m starting over. I lost momentum when I got that awful sick thing I had and now I have to get it back. This girl is tired of being the fat kid. The time to change that is now.

I took an 8-hour nap yesterday. Today was less than an hour. Needless to say I got a lot more done today than yesterday. I did laundry and scrubbed my apartment and went grocery shopping and made a victory mix for my friend Natalie’s dodgeball tournament. I made some iPhone cases using Kellie’s link on Vistaprint and took out the trash. Oh…speaking of that…

I put my trash outside of my front door while I got my shoes on and got the bathroom trash together. I swear I just set it outside. So when I went out to take it out to the dumpster, it was GONE!!! I know it was likely someone trying to be nice and carrying it out for me. But my brain can’t just let that be. It goes into all kinds of theories. Like what if a homeless person came and took it and is not making meals out of my old out of date stuff? What if the government thinks I’m a Russian spy and they took my trash to try and get clues? What if my neighbor is stalking me and wanted to dig through my trash to find out more about me, thus gaining info on what I do and where I go so they can more efficiently stalk me? What if I’m losing my mind and I never really had that bag of trash? The possibilities are endless and I don’t know what to make of it.

I’ve told you about the journal I’ve been writing in lately. It’s getting into so much of the BS that people in my world are trying to push into my life. I refuse them that power as much as I can. There is one thing I’m struggling with, though. How much do I let the support that some people offer to one of the most horrible people I’ve ever encountered affect my relationship with them? I have transcribed conversations with this person so that when she comes out with a blatant lie of how things went down, I can show everyone otherwise. She has tried to tell me that I’m a bad, hypocritical person who should never be allowed to see her kids anymore and I am dumbfounded. How is someone’s sense of reality as shot as hers? And how come people don’t see it? I don’t question my decision to write this person off. I don’t need anyone in my life who tells me how much they love me and care about me one day and then calls me an effing B the next day telling me to “Try them.” Really? Are we not grown ass women? This person would not answer the phone when I tried calling to actually converse with them about all of this crap. Texts and Facebook threats suited her more than a conversation where words actually came out of one mouth and into the others ears. And reading the texts and messages isn’t easy when it’s all one long run on sentence with no caps or punctuation. I need to make the decision that I’m doing what’s right for me and hope that others come around and see that this person is doing nothing but using them to continue freeloading through life.

Can you tell I’m frustrated with this situation? It’s draining me and I’m sick of it. So it’s time to let go.

Tony Robbins is teaching me the significance of making a decision so I feel better equipped to make one. Thanks, Tony. And Dr. Phil. And Oprah. And Ellen. And, of course, Kellie Rasberry.