Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Here's the latest...

Well, Christmas 2013 is done. December 20 is gone. My do or die date got tossed when all this surgery stuff happened. I guess it's all part of the universes plan for me. I'm not too fond of it, but there's nothing I can do to change it. I'm trying so, SO hard not to get frustrated, but if I'm being honest, I'm crying a little as I write this. I am very blessed to be alive and be able to see and hear. That isn't lost on me for a second. My neurosurgeon even had a hoodie made for me. It says "Blessed" on the front and has "Murphy" on the back. I gave him a Superman hoodie in return because he's 1/2 of the surgeon team that took my tumor out. I'm not sure that the other surgeon would want a Superman hoodie, so Dr. Dickerman gets the prize. Yay him!

It's weird that right after I had my surgery, I went and got my eyes checked and my vision tested fine. But when I try to read or focus on things, it's not happening. I've got this motion sickness patch that I wear behind my ear. I was on 25mg of Phenergan, but that wasn't helping. So now it's Zofran and I still can't keep stuff down. And with the vomiting comes achiness and moodiness and I'm just tired. But I've got no appetite, so I guess that helps with the vomiting. I was doing better with holding onto things, but now I suck. Like I posted the other day I broke my Otterbox case from dropping my phone over and over on the carpet. My nephew spilled root beer in his Mac. I know how to clean under the keys. But I kid you not when I say it took me well over an hour to get just one key back on. I've gone from being pretty dang independent to this. I'm grateful to be alive and to have people to help me with things, but to go from working every day and going home to my tiny apartment and getting naked whenever I feel like it is a big change.

I can't complain because the fact is that I'm ok. I'm just used to living my life without anyone having to miss work to take cafe of me or call my doctor when my face swells up because I got too tired and had some kind of allergic reaction. It's hard for me to wrap what's left of my brain around. I'm not driving because I don't feel comfortable with it. I feel almost like out of body. I've never questioned my ability or willingness to drive, but now I'm scared. It's one thing if my dizziness gets the best of me and I drive into a pole or something, but it's another since I'm not alone on the road. I have driven maybe a quarter of a mile to WalMart, but I knew I would be an idiot to try any further.

Crying really has become my hobby. I'm sure I have occasional pity parties. I had plans! I'm supposed to be in Maui right now...instead we had to FaceTime my sister and Orlando when we opened gifts. I miss my sister. I miss a lot of things and a lot of people, but it's out of my hands to change the circumstances.

Anyway, enough of my progress report. It's Christmas. I did pretty good for myself. I got a seriously cool camera, my favorite brand of sneakers, a family photo picture frame from my nephew, a bag full or refried beans and a Target gift card from Kellie Rasberry, a beautiful book from Mr. and Mrs. Rasberry, a Hawaiian hoodie from Maui, a couple of new beanies from Kellie's best friend, Amy, a life proof phone case from my parents and sister and Jeff, and Santa even put vodka in my stocking so I would have it when I can drink again. I'm gonna be a really cheap date whenever that day comes.
Oh, Keith got a set of coasters made out of old records, I got an Amazon gift card, a cute little hat and matching scarf, a cool crafty bowl full of candy, and I think I can't remember what else. I know that Christmas is about being with friends and family and not the gifts, but now I have an extra set of sneakers to contemplate wearing. That can take up like 12 minutes in the day. And I've got lots of time. So it goes beyond that for me right now. The camera is something I can mess with until I've got it down to an art, so I'm glad to have it.

Next up? New Years eve. I don't think I've ever been nervous about the New Year before. I think maybe I'm scared because this year started out and I was happy and on top of the world. But then life happened and that feeling faded. Sucks. But I can only control my thoughts, feelings, actions, and reactions. So I'm trying to convince myself that 2014 is going to be the year that things turn around for me. Since my do or die deadline has come and gone and I made no progress, maybe giving myself a full year to figure out whatever it is that I'm trying to figure out is more realistic. Baby steps and a lot of patience with myself are very necessary. I'm not good at either. But I will try.

Oh, I've been destroying my hands making those wreaths made of ornaments. I will post a pic. The hand holding the glue gun seemed to put hot glue on the other hand more than it did the ornaments, but it's OK. I'm gonna keep an eye out for clearance ornaments and stuff so I can make more and sell them next year.

Thanks for sticking with me. It means the world. It kind of sucks when you go through a big life ordeal and you see people's true colors. At least it sucks when their colors are bad. So I'm going to focus on those with goodness in them in hopes of becoming a better person on this journey called life.

And BTW. Have you ever gotten a flu shot right after surgery? Don't do it. That dang shot adds $46 to your bill. That's nuts.

Merry Christmas, you guys. And thanks again for the continued love and support.

Shanon


53 comments:

  1. I am glad to hear you are making progress. Baby steps. Frustration is part of the game as well as being emotional. You deserve a pity party from time to time as well. You have been through A LOT! It takes a toll on a person! You are in our thoughts and prayers.

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  2. This post was perfect and honest and want to say thank you. Merry Christmas, shanon. Life gets easier when abnormal becomes a bit more normal - even if that frustration about the change is still there. Brain tumor mom here <3 for what it's worth - I can guarantee that everyone helping you out feels blessed to be able to.

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  3. Hang in there Ms. Murphy...you WILL get better, and when you get back to KKITM, I look forward to listening to your great laugh!!! That is one this I really miss! Merry Christmas, and this new year will be spectacular...(in my best "Men's Warehouse" voice), "I guarantee it!!"~

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  4. So hope to hear you on the radio again soon! I hope you're feeling like your old self soon.

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  5. It will get better. frustration means you are trying and not giving up. May God be with you and you get all you wish for

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  6. I went through something similar. Hugs..i can promise it does get better.

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  7. Shannon I have been taking that 25 mg of Phenegran for a few years after my gal bladder came out a few years ago. It's stronger than Zofran. I hope you feel better.

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  8. The wreath is beautiful! I don't know exactly what your projected progress is from your doctors, but I am pretty sure that you are pushing yourself more than they are. I really enjoy you updating, and am so very glad that you remain strong. I can only imagine the strain that you are going through. I think you are so stinking brave. You're a hero Shanon... Merry Christmas

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  9. Someday you will look back in amazement at your strength during this trying time on your path. I am proud of you for letting the world in. Know you have fans that would hug you if they could. Keep looking up and know you are not alone.

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  10. Shannon I know life is hard right now, but baby steps, it will take time till you are back to your old newer improved self. Glad you had a good Christmas. You are luckier than most so be the super hero that you are and keep looking up.......cause Kidd is in no hurry to have you pestering him upstairs ;)

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  11. Oh Shanon, you're so honest and raw. You are so cute for keeping us all updated. You know, the crying may not be something you can physically control. Your brain has been rattled, and it could have triggered something. Your wreaths are beautiful. You should auction some of them so that we can help support you. You are stronger than you know. When "the dust settles," you will be back to normal, I'm sure!! We love you!

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  12. Shannon I am so so proud of you. Every time I read an update I am encouraged and realize just how blessed I am. I do not know you, but I truly care about you. You and the others have made me laugh and cry and your honesty in this is awesome. It is real and raw and people need to hear that and you need to be able to say it as it is. Girl there is a book in this when you are better, this is journey no one should have to take but you are doing it guns blaring even if you do not feel you are. AND that wreath is amazing I cannot wait til next year when you make and sell them I hope I can be one of the lucky to purchase one from you. You are kicking this mofo's ass and we are all so proud of you. Love hugs and prayers beautiful lady

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  13. Merry Christmas and praying for you and your complete healing

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  14. You sound fabulous, all things considered. .. and I want the wreath. You had brain surgery, but I'm too lazy and undisciplined to do those, but they are on my list. 2014 is your year, girl! It's barely been a month!

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  15. Such an amazing lady!!! Hugs and prayers!! I want to buy a wreath!!!

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  16. You have come SO far, Shanon Murphy. Your loved ones, your fans, we ate so proud of you, your courage, your strength... It's actually healthy to cry and feel what you feel every so often. You're human. So long as you always KNOW that you have us and we've got your back. You're a living miracle. Thank you for sharing... and thank God for you.

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  17. You are great! And your wreath is beautiful! Don't rush yourself... you are right where your supposed to be.

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  18. God Bless you Shannon. You are doing great. Hang in there & love those who are helping.

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  19. Merry Christmas Shanon. I truly hope you get to feeling a lot better real soon. I know it sucks when you don't have a lot of patience, but take your time and don't rush things! God Bless!

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  20. Recovery can be slow and frustrating. It may seem like it will never get better, but in time (not too long) this will just be a memory. I'm glad you made it through the scary part. Hugs and lots of support while you make your way through this difficult time. You are in our thoughts!

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  21. Day by day, hour by hour. You are alive and believe and visualize you old self in its new form everytime you can and it will come. I'm sorry for what you are going through at your young age but you are one that is teaching, leading, guiding and inspiring tons of people. Hang in there. Cry when you need to, yell when you need to and find deep deep down the patience for the small things when you need to. Depend on those who love you. They would not be there if they did not. This type of thing brings out the true friends and family in your life. Never forget and always give back when you are able. Good Luck and hoping for all the best. Whatever you do. Laugh dance live today!! Hugs!

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  22. Thank you for the continued update. Keep your head up kiddo, it only gets better ;0) Baby steps are good steps even if it means it still takes longer than expected to complete something! I have watched many a loved one (Husband, Father, friends) fight amazing health battles and you too will come out on the other side of this. Merry Christmas to you along with many thoughts and prayers for swift healing.

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  23. Your to impatient - BUT I get that....slow yourself. Cry when you feel the need-more people should do that, you will drink your vodka when the time to celebrate that way shows itself, it will be soon. Pray and talk to God daily-keep using your hands, making wreaths making whatever-it works the brain. Just keep going-be sad, cry, be happy, move on....keep posting-keep positive.....GO!

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  24. Baby steps honey is right, and patience We have on this road for a while and every second is a blessing. Continuing to pray for your recovery. Power of Prayer is Amazing♥ God Bless you and sending you love and prayers 2003 Kidds Kids Family♥ Ruiz-Reyes

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  25. Glad to see more progress! Im sorry you're feeling a lil frustrated, but you are an inspiration and your wreath is pretty awesome!!!

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  26. Shannon that is a beautiful wreath! Glad your getting better, you are in my prays!

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  27. It's good to see an update from you. Very well written. Recovery takes time but you seem to be progressing nicely. I look forward to you being back on the air soon and hearing about your enjoying the vodka. Keep at it!

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  28. Your blog was fine. Now you get there too - the show misses you. And so do we. . ..

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  29. Thank you for the update. You remain in my thoughts and prayers. I hold you close to my heart, in part because I grew up knowing and loving your family. I didn't realize your were the offspring of "Lil Bit" while listening to you on the radio, although there were times that I had wondered. Shamefully, too many years had passed and I hadn't kept in touch with them.

    You are a remarkably strong woman and I know this journey has been unbearable at times. Keep your chin up and hold on to your faith. Many are praying and believing that 2014, will bring health and healing to you.

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  30. I am glad that you are trying to get your barrens straight. I know the feeling on how you use to do things for yourself then all the sudden it being taken away. I felt that way when I had to have foot surgery back in May and now when I broke my foot, and underwent surgery the Tuesday before Christmas Eve. You learn to have more respect for people that have to deal with these ordeals and tribulations for their whole life. Like trying to sit on a toilet to pee. Or just getting a drink. But I have come to realize that the more you feel sorry for yourself, the less recovery you have. So keep your shin high and your nose dry. Tomorrow always leads to a better day. Stay strong!!!

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  31. The fact that you are trying and getting frustrated that you can't do things as you always have is actually a good thing. You haven't lost your drive. That's a huge positive. Be sure to hold onto that. Crying is alright too. You are working through your grieving process. You've had a huge life change. It is going to impact you both mentally and physically. And for the record, I think you are doing a great job of dealing with that. As a neurosurgical nurse, I can tell you that you are doing well. This takes time. Try to stay positive and focus on what you can do. And obviously keep striving to achieve new goals. You were spot on when you said baby steps. Keep the faith in your recovery. I have you in my prayers.

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  32. We love you Shannon! Cry all you want, baby steps are just fine! Thinking of you girl!

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  33. You are doing amazing. you keep everything in a realistic perspective and just go with it. You are a true hero. Keep your head as high as you can and just keep moving forward. I love keeping up with you and your blog. thank you for doing that for us.

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  34. Happily Holidays and blessings in the coming New Year!
    Sign me.up for one of the beautiful wreaths! It would be an honor to hang on of those at my house and share the story of God's amazing grace.

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  35. Take it from us BT survivors that have stood albeit wobbly right where you are, it does get better.

    BT survivors make the Best BFF's you'll ever meet, because NO ONE else can know what you or we are going thru.

    Denny

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  36. Hey lady! You are perfectly normal. Who wouldn't feel stress in dealing with health issues, you are dealing with major changes in your plans and expectations. I don't doubt at all that you will be able to achieve those plans and dreams but the time table is just a bit changed (doesn't help, I bet). We are all rooting for you and sending you love.

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  37. Hey girl, I know your a very strong person and you'll make it through. Just be patient with yourself and give yourself time to heal. You'll get there, keep your chin up and cry all you want its ok as long as you don't give up. I know you don't know the ones of us rooting for you but were missing you and praying for your safe return.

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  38. Strong people surround you and your sense of self is grand! Beautiful inside and out. Countless blessings being sent your way and the continued recovery for a prosperous 2014. Continuing to pray for your recovery.

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  39. Hmm. I saw ur pic and the title hit home with me.checked. it out and cant. Believe your shannon. That girk from kidd. I used to listen long ago. U were one of my faves...as a real person. The laugh... taken shit from kelly r..and other stuff i dont have time to reminise about. Loved u. Wondered if your eye focus was due to maybe a stigmatism now. Thought u were a teen in ur pic and wondered what kind of tumor and where (what section) my 4 year old (6) had a tuberectomy 2 years ago and was up and at it in 3 days. Haslost some academic skills but grew 3 years in expression. The brain is amazing as are the surgeons. Little kids recover faster. She has fewer seizures now. Read an article that marijuana(sp) can and has helped some delayed kids with seizures. Colorado...maybe ..keep on trucking. And its hard feeling normal. Go with it. U will be back to your weird self again and have some insight on how the functional truly feel. They just hide it well. I never had a face to the radio personality but knowing u then and reading ur spillage today..you are wonderful.. my daughter has tuberous sclerosis complex. I swore i would never let her have brain surgery. I decided it was her life not mine and any glimmer was worth it. Prayers and cant wait to see ads for your ornament wreaths. Gorgeous.

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  40. I am a 49 yr old daughter, mom and grandma. I have been a fan of all of the KIDD family for a few years. I am proud of you. For what you have been through and how you have come through it. Oh, I still get jot glue burns every time I turn the damn thing on.

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  41. you are an amazing woman who has been through so much that's so many other people could not handle you may not think you're handling it well but you are here and still talking and function god bless you and your family I trust that you will have a very good recovery and 2014 going to be your year baby

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  42. Merry Christmas! ! Your wreath is beautiful! Do you give classes??! One day at a time...keep looking up. You've got this! :)

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  43. Just take it one day at time. Hang in there. Lots of folks praying for you. Love the wreath! If you sell them next year, make them early and I would love to buy some.

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  44. You are an inspiration! I'm sending all my positive vibes your way! Radio Sister UNITE!
    Lux(KPNT STL)

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  45. It's so good to hear from you! I think you've said it best when you talked about taking baby steps. Any forward movement HAS to be better than no ing back, girl.:) You are one of the toughest, strongest women I "know" and I wish I could do some of the work for you, but since.that's impossible, I'll just be on the sidelines the whole way, rallying you on, being a cheerleader for.good times and not-so-good times. Kidd has to be proud of how far you have come and just talk to him in the hard times. Seems he always knew what to say. Sending you much love and hope and light on your journey back. Love!!!

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  46. Love the flu shot comment. You are loved. We miss you and are praying for you.

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  47. I wish you Gods speed in getting better. You are a very strong person and I know your friends and family are very thankful you are the strong person you are. You have went through more than what any person should have to ever go through. And you are still making way better wreaths than I could ever make! I hope this new year brings you healing and happiness! Love ya girl!

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  48. Still praying for you and glad to see that you are recovering. Keep looking up because that's where it all is! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! God's Blessings to you and your family.

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  49. There is a reason for pity parties! I've had my own too. Because when you hit the pity party stage, it's only good things in store! I'm praying for fast healing and for you to get back to a new normal. Many of us know of new normals! I LOVE your wreath!!! Hobby Lobby has their ornaments really CHEAP right now if you want to stock up! Hugs!

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  50. I understand your frustration completely. My fiancé is going through the same thing right now. He has had 2 brain surgeries and is going through chemo and radiation right now. Sounds like the same emotions he has. Of course this is one of those rough nights. Watching him go through this is painful but as we talk about it is well worth living. It is amazing how we learn who true friends are when we go through something like this. Keep your head up. Will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

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  51. My neurosurgeon even had a hoodie made for me. It says "Blessed" on the front and has "Murphy" on the back. I gave him a Superman hoodie ... isupermanhoodie.blogspot.com

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