Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Let's try this 2013 recap again

Poignant moments of 2013

2013 had a pretty great start. It was the beginning of my getting to know some fantastic people most of which pretty far from home. There was a lot of time spent in airplanes and airports, but worth every minute of it. I’m grateful for the people I met who embraced me. They took a chance on me since I live in a different state. Some may have requested my license plate number and a vial of blood first, but I guess I seemed ok enough. Their generosity and open arms won’t be forgotten. So to them I say thank you. 

I have to talk about my sister telling me they decided to move to Maui. This news didn’t set well with me at all. I got the text while I was at work and had to excuse myself to my car to have a meltdown. I support them in their decision, but it’s hard having my sister and her husband 3,000 miles away. It’s especially hard since I wanted to go out there during Christmas break, but die to this surgery and recovery junk, I won’t  see them until March or June. We did FaceTime opening gifts from each other, which was nice. but certainly not the same. 

I won’t forget making the drive to the airport when I got a message from B.J’s best friend telling me he was in the hospital. He was put into a coma and passed away the day of the Concert for Kidd’s Kids. He was a great guy and I consider myself so blessed to have gotten the chance to know him. 

I cannot speak of 2013 and not mention Kidd’s death. The man was a genius. He was funny, creative, and so incredibly business savvy. I didn’t go to the golf tournament in NOLA this year because it was my sister’s last weekend in town. But she went on a girls trip, so I flew up north for a birthday celebration. I had my phone on the patio table, and when I saw it, I had two missed calls from Kellie and a text from Al telling me to call her back. Kellie said she wanted to be the one to tell me the news of what happened. I lost it. I felt like I hadn’t proven my loyalty to him or the show by not being there with them when it happened. I know that beating myself up over it does no good, but it crosses my mind a lot. 

The transition of the show has been an interesting one. It’s really a difficult task to step into the studio and have a show when it’s obvious that the name sake is gone. I think that we have done our best to deliver a product that Kidd would be proud of, but I know it’s different for everyone. We are all just really grateful for those of you who have stuck with us. 

No matter how sick I am of talking about it, I have to mention this dumb brain surgery I had. It’s not been easy  at any point. It’s hard to convince myself that the people who have been around to help want to be there and don’t consider me a burden. I feel like I’m just that. I tell you that I cry a lot and that’s one of the main reasons. I suppose it’s sort of a peek into the value I hold in myself to be unable to accept anyone wanting to help me. I’m crying just typing this. It all happened so quickly and I tried to time it out so that I could finish off the year at work and not cause anyone to miss work, but it didn’t happen that way. If you know me, you know that my job is a huge part of my identity. Work period is a huge part of my identity. I’ve not done that in what seems like forever at this point. And, if you want more honesty, I’m feeling pretty terrible. I can keep nothing down. Today I woke up feeling worse than I did when I had the flu with some nasty projectile vomiting. Food is like an enema to me at this point. I fight to keep it down as long as I can so I don’t die of malnutrition. It’s gross, but that’s how it is. And I get so many messages from people telling me I’m an inspiration and they admire my strength. I feel like I’m letting them down. I don’t feel strong at all. No part of my life is what I want it to be right now. I hurt someone i care a lot about, my parents worry about me instead of taking it easy on their time off, and day after day I wake up and it’s the same damn question. Now what? It’s exhausting and I’m not strong. Not at all. I’m losing my ability to even fake being strong. I’m sorry to be a big disappointment to everyone who comments on my strength. It’s a front. A pathetically weak front. 


In the meantime, Happy 2014 to you and even if this year was a great one, I wish even more greatness to come. And thank you from here to the moon for all of your love and support.





































12 comments:

  1. Happy New Year Shanon! You are an inspiration, not because your strong, not because your perfect, but because you're trying. That's the most important and inspiring part of all. You got dealt a crap hand and you're doing the best you possibly can to pick up and keep going. You've kept in touch with your fans, you haven't let us down! Retreating into a corner would have been many people's ways of dealing with it. But you faced it, have been honest about it. And that is truly inspiring. Don't be so hard on yourself, try to get out a little, seems like your just getting bogged down and depressed. :( Feel better sweetie and Happy New year again!!!

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  2. You are stronger than you know. Admitting your weakness and despair is the bravest thing you can do. You are failing no-one. Peace and love.

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  3. You're an inspiration because you aren't perfect ....u are humble and sweet n honestly I admire those qualities in u. Never give up.

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  4. Shanon, you are strong! To keep fighting requires strength....strength doesn't mean everything is perfect and in place. Being strong means dealing with whatever is going on...day by day, or when it is really crappy, second by second....I admire your thoughts and the power in sharing the experiences with honesty, don't knock yourself.... You are still here and still fighting...stay strong and many prayers for you.

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  5. Shannon, First and foremost I only know you from Psycho Shannon on the show, but more so as you go through the healing process from a brain surgery (which saved your life) :)! As you mention being strong is a FRONT... honey we all put on a front its just some of us are WAY WAY WAY better at it! Just saying.. takes one to know one! However, even the best have a breaking point in life. We never know just how much we can endure before we can't anymore. I like to think of it as.. well.. no more putting on a SMILE when inside you are falling apart. As you go through this process of finding the RENEWED YOU... you will find you really are strong in certain things and need to work on some others. It is hard to let your guard down and let others take care of you, leaving you feeling like the burden you explained above. Girl... people love you more then you know! Most especially your parents and siblings! The best thing for me was to write write write... get it all out.. even if the words don't come rambling out of your mouth.. get them off your mind! That helped me create my new beginning! Just a thought! Remember you only have to make YOU HAPPY! THis is not the path you thought your life would go down... but make it a GREAT PATH for those to follow! YOU CAN DO IT!!! I always say... if in doubt... PRAY! Pray up.... Take care and lets ROCK 2014!

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  6. "It's not the number of times you fall, but the number of times you get back up that matter most" Strength isn't preventing the fall but gathering your courage and standing back up. And when you don't feel you have the strength, lean on the arms of those who love you, they are there to lend you their strength. All that matters Shanon, is that you get back up and be your self because that is who we love.

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  7. I think you are pretty amazing! Strength isn't taking everything on bravely, but just surviving it. You've had a rough year, but you're still breathing. I'd say that's an accomplishment. Go easy on yourself, and when you finally start to feel better, you'll realize how strong you really are.

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  8. You are amazing AND honest!!! Wishing you the very best in 2014 Shannon!!!

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  9. I think just the fact that you are still here and keep on fighting your way through, has made you an inspiration. I think it absolutely sucks that you have to go through this so soon after everything else. We think of you often and pray for you to get better and get back to the show. You are terribly missed. ....God bless you and continued prayers that 2014 is your best year ever!!!!!! (C:

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  10. How is it you manage to look gorgeous in every single photograph?? Not fair! But seriously, Shanon...you are my hero. You came on the show not knowing much and look...you are now producing the thing! Your shenanigans have made me laugh so hard...your laugh kills me. And I gotta say, this brain surgery thing. You are a rock! I got diagnosed with cancer right before Kidd died and honestly you have handled your medical issues with so much more grace and conviction than I could ever hope to handle mine. I'm almost ashamed of myself. I wish you nothing but the best for this new year and look forward to your return to my favorite morning show for the last 20+ years.

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  11. Shanon.......You my dear are a survivor, and that is what makes you an inspiration. You don't need to be always be strong. It's perfectly okay to be vulnerable right now.....And it doesn't always need or have to make sense..... Sorry I know I'm a little out there myself, but I also am a survivor.....3 years ago I was almost killed in a car accident......I suffered a skull fracture, a ruptured spleen, 12 shattered ribs, 4 broken vertebrate in my neck, and numerous other unjuries. I was not expected to live, and when I beat that odd, they figured I would never walk or talk again.....Well I beat those odds too....Its a constant daily struggle, but it is so very worth it.....Without the love and support of my friends and family, my 3 sons, and my Lord and Savior, I would not be where I am at today. Never give up......And always know that you are loved...You are never a burden.....God bless you my dear and I will be sending you continued thoughts and prayers for a complete recovery.......

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  12. Shanon you really are a strong person. Nothing is easy and you're not disappointing anyone! The fact that you're here with us and still trying to be independent as much as possible is amazing! You have a wonderful support system of family, friends, and other people. The road to recovery is going to be a long bumpy one but you'll surpass every single milestone! Kidd would be, and probably is, very proud to see how well you've done. You're awesome Shanon. You're never going to let us down! Much love and hugs! Keep you chin up sweetie! :)

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