Monday, January 21, 2013

Yes. I DO have feelings...

I'm gonna do an early morning MLK Day recap. I didn't get one done last night. I was pretty much good for nothing once I got home. Just felt defeated.

1. I'm not one to let my feelings get hurt easily, but they were like 3 times over the weekend. My post about Keane on Friday night was the first of it. My friend asked me if I wanted to go to the show with her a month ago. But then her ex decided that she wanted to go, so my ticket was given to her and I got the text that said "don't worry. I will find you another ticket." Why did this hurt my feelings? She offered to get a ticket for me. But why was it ME that she was gonna have to find a new ticket for? She already promised that one to me. The show was sold out. If I promised someone a ticket to a show and knew that they were excited about it, I wouldn't give that ticket away and then make them feel like crap by saying that you're gonna take time out of the overwhelming schedule you already have to find them another ticket? I told her not to bother getting a ticket for me. I didn't ask for the original ticket in the first place. She offered it. So it really rubbed me wrong to be pushed aside like that.

2. Then on Saturday I DJ'd a benefit for the Tarrant County AIDS Outreach center. It went really well. Keith was with me and the event ended at 9:30, so afterwards we went to the Dallas gayborhood. I'm friends with one of the bartenders there and she said that she was going to put me on the list at the door. They charge $6/head to get into this place, so I was all about being on that list. So we stand in the stupidly long line out in the cold and then finally get to the lady who lets people in. Keith tells her. We are on your list. Keith and Shanon. She sits and looks at him and says "what list?" That's when I jump in and tell her that I had been with my bartender friend earlier in the day and she said she was going to put Keith and me on the list to get in cover-free. The woman looks at me in a pissy way and says "What's the code word?" I say what code word? She tells me that I should've been given a code word if I was intended to get in for free. By then end of the conversation she had questioned my integrity to the point that I just gave up. I was pissed. She came just short of calling me a liar, which is one thing I am not. Not cool. At all. I was insulted by her response and when I thought about it, she hurt my feelings. I don't expect any special treatment from anyone. But I also don't expect to be treated as poorly as the ladies who work that door treat me. Lucky for me there's a new bar that's opened up downtown. They aren't greedy buttholes who charge a cover. The staff smiles at you instead of talking down to you. I'm excited about this.

3. I can't get into the specifics on this, but yesterday was someone's birthday. So I called to wish him a happy one and I ended the call saying "Have a happy birthday. I love you." The reply that I got? "Alright. Bye." This was someone who I would expect to say "I love you, too." But that didn't happen. And it really bothered me that I didn't get that. I'm no saint, but I'm also not a crack whore. Anyway, nothing I can do about it now. But it really has been bothering me.

4. I was auctioned off for the HRC yesterday and it was awful. I was humiliated. I went for $700. Which is not the least amount I've gone for, but it certainly wasn't the highest. If you follow my FB posts, you know I was terrified this would happen. I felt like the auctioneers had to beg for me to even get that much. Awful. So I'm trying to look at the positive and tell myself that I've helped raise a few thousand for the HRC at this point and I should be happy that someone wanted to even pay that much for me. So I'm gonna keep trying to be all Suzy Sunshine about it.

I've started writing in my journal on a regular basis. It's seriously no holding back. Why should I? I have transcribed text messages and written things down that should make for an awesome book one day. My hand gets tired, though. So I have to do some here and some there. But it's coming along nicely. Whoo hoo!!!


  1. I've noticed that once I'm down because of a hurt feeling - everything seems to hurt. I'm sorry. :( Maybe today will look up. I'd have had my feelers hurt too if someone had offered me a ticket then gave it to someone else. Shame on them. You're very brave to have even considered being auctioned off. Very brave. Good for you.

  2. The ticket thing would piss me off. Lack of commitment is one of my big pet peeves. If you say you're doing something, do it! They shouldn't have promised you a ticket then taken it back, it shouldn't even have been an option for that ex.

    As for the bar thing, that sucks, but oh well, they're loss. I woulda done the same thing and taken my money else where. To somebody who actually deserves to get it.

    The auction thing sounds crazy! I'd be lucky to go for $25, and even then I'd probably have to reimburse whoever bid on me :) $700 means somebody came with the intention on bidding on you, cause not many people just have that much money with them! Nice job on that. And don't compare yourself to other people, cause there's always somebody out there that's better. I learned that a long time ago :) Just do your best, and that's all you can do!