Monday, November 19, 2012

Help me hook Kelly Clarkson

I need a date to our company Christmas party. It's December 1in Dallas. Kelly Clarkson has a copy of this letter and even read some of it out loud when I was backstage with her. She stopped right after the Facebook comment portion of the letter. I think that if she sees the whole thing and that I still love here as much as I did spite of her bearded boyfriend...she will agree to be my date.So your mission is to get Kelly to love me. And be my Christmas party date. OK she doesn't even have to love me. I love her enough that I might have exhausted all the love that two people could have in a relationship. Thanks for your help!


Dear Kelly Clarkson-

Hello Kelly Clarkson. My name is Shanon Kay Murphy. The name Shanon comes from that song about the dog. And it's spelled with one "N" because my mom mis-spelled it because she was overmedicated when she filled out my birth certificate. Kay and Murphy are both family names. Murphy is my maiden name because I'm not married. I'm a lesbian and, even if I had someone who wanted to marry me, it's not legal here. Dang the luck.

I have Facebooked you many a times, but have never gotten a reply. I will admit that I'm pretty upset by this news, but I know you're a big celebrity and probably don't have time for fans such as me. I know that you're composing some of the biggest songs of all time, like Stronger, Mr. Know It All, Grown Up Christmas List, I Do Not Hook Up (although I wish you did), My Life Would Suck Without You, Miss Independent, The Trouble With Love Is, Since U Been Gone, A Moment Like This, O Holy Night, Breakaway, Behind These Hazel Eyes, Walk Away, Breakaway, Never Again, and the Star Spangled Banner. Good job on those, Kelly Clarkson? 

I feel like I should make a list of all the reasons why I love you the way I do. Because I really do love you. On behalf of all those who claim to love you as much as I do, I will compose my list now.
1. You have cute puppies
2. You love Donny Osmond
3. You have pretty eyes
4. I love the pants you wear in the video for "Walk Away." Can I please have them?
5. You let my good friend Matt Nathanson open for you. I love his song "Run"
6. You have a fun accent. I like accents
7. If you would facebook me back, Im pretty sure we could be best friends

That's just a few of the reasons why I love you. I could go on, but I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. 

Please email me and let me know where to pick you up for our date.

I love you always and forever, Kelly Clarkson!

Shanon Kay Murphy

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