Just in case you’ve ever once wondered what it’s like to
live inside of my head for a few minutes, here’s your answer. These are the
things that consume WAY too much of my brain space and time. Maybe if I share
these things with you I can finally quit thinking about them already.
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How are the creators of Paw Patrol not more
wealthy than Bill Gates or the Amazon guy? These people are friggin’ geniuses.
They made the first series of Paw Patrol characters and probably got rich off
of that. But then they made toys of the same characters in different rescue
situations. And what kid is willing to use just their plain old Paw Patrol
Chase action figure in a jungle rescue situation? Or how can Chase possibly
help in a fire if he’s wearing his police clothes instead of a fire fighter
outfit? They have regular action figures, mini action figures, pirate Paw
Patrol, Police Paw Patrol, Fire Paw
Patrol, Sea Patrol, Ultimate Mighty Pups…there are probably more, but that’s
all I can think of right now. If the people who created this show aren’t
literally making it rain when the basket comes around in church on Sunday
mornings, there’s something wrong with their contracts.
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I used to be upset about the fact that I have
fat feet, but recently I decided that those of us with fat feet are evolutionary
superior to people with skinny feet. Who’s less likely to trip and fall when
they’re running away from a Jurassic Park type of situation? The fat footed
population. So, if you have fat feet like me, don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed
because we are way more likely to escape in a dinosaur chase than skinny footed
people.
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Birds seem like they must be smart creatures.
They fly in formation. They can fly around to find food and then find their
nest again. Has anyone ever thought about finding a way to potty train birds so
that they poop places other than on your car? Or is it a conspiracy among the
car wash companies to keep birds forever untrained and pooping all over my car
within 5 seconds of getting it washed?
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How does Cookie Monster destroy things with his
mouth when he doesn’t have teeth? He doesn’t even have a tongue! So how can he
take a DVD and crumble it up with his mouth? It makes no sense and I wish that
the creators of Sesame Street would’ve thought this through a little bit more
before throwing all kinds of stuff in Cookie Monster’s mouth to have him
unrealistically tear it all up.
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There are a few words that I can’t seem to ever
spell right no matter how many times I try. Medieval makes NO sense to me. Why
is there a random “I” in the middle of the word? Pursue should be persue in my
head. It sounds more correct, doesn’t it? License is another one. I can never
remember which comes first…the “s” or the “c.” Embarrassed is another. Why the
need for two “R’s?” Does anyone else have problems with these words?
On a side note, I did something very adult over the weekend.
I bought my very own washer and dryer set! I’ve had one before, but I sold it.
I’ve been renting a set for over a year now and it finally dawned on me that I’m
spending money on another thing I’d never own. So, I went on Saturday evening
to find my perfect match washer and dryer. I went to the register with such
pride in my adulating skills! That’s when it happened. The man who was going to
ring me up asked me if I was sure if this set would fit because it’s bigger
than most. Without hesitation I replied “YES!” But then I realized that I had
measured the spaces last weekend and failed to write the measurements down, so
I actually didn’t know if they would fit. So I told the guy what I just
realized and he was kind enough to put the set on hold for me until yesterday.
That way I could go home and measure to make sure I wasn’t buying stuff that
wouldn’t fit in my laundry area. I felt like I was doing some kind of walk of
shame when I went back into that store to tell the guy I was wrong and that the
pair wouldn’t fit. It was so pretty. It was so grown up. And just like that my adulating
pride disappeared. I did, however, find a set that I like that will fit in my
laundry area. It’s being delivered on Wednesday. I’m pretty pumped to be an
official washer and dryer owner again.
I’ve been working out pretty consistently again, which makes
me feel so much better about every part of life. I’ve also found that I’m
easily swayed to buy things that are ads on Instagram. Well, Ezekiel Elliott
posted a pic of this sports drink that he uses just because he felt like it one
day. It wasn’t a paid ad or anything. So, I figured if it helps Zeke become a
ProBowler, it could probably really help me step up my cardio and workout game.
So, I ordered it. The stuff is called BioSteel and, so far, I like it. I also
bought this BioSteel fruit and veggie supplement. It’s supposed to give you the
daily serving of both needed to be healthy. It said that it tastes like
pineapple and coconut. I tried it for the first time yesterday and I didn’t
taste any sign of pineapple or coconut. But this stuff wasn’t cheap, so I will
finish the bucket. It’s SO BAD though. I had to drink it like a shot. Exhale,
suck it down, and then inhale after it’s gone. The Blue Raspberry sports drink
is amazing and delicious, but the super food mix stuff isn’t. Hopefully it
works, though.
Another thing that I bought off of Instagram was the rubber
spider in the wooden box. The premise is to tell someone to open the box and
then watch their reaction when the spider pops up out of the box. It was
intended to be part of a white elephant gift, but it didn’t get to my apartment
from China until last week. I couldn’t bear the thought of keeping it a whole
year, so I decided to try it on my 4-year old nephew, Jake. If you’ve not
already seen this video you definitely should go to my Facebook page and check
it out. I was laughing hysterically through the guilt I felt as he sat there
and cried tears of terror. Yes, I did that. I made my nephew cry for my own
little laugh. Would I do it again if I knew how he would react ahead of time?
As much as I laugh every single time I watch it back, I’m ashamed to say that
yes…I probably would. If you’ve not seen the video, here’s a link.
Anyway, if you’re anything like me your brain is probably
exhausted from my rambling at this point. I’ll let you off the hook now and say
thanks for reading. And have a good day. And don’t download Tetris on your
phone unless you have time to be addicted to something completely stupid. And I’m
99% sure that the air conditioning in our office is turned on even though we
have some kind of arctic blast in town. Holy hell this sucks! I’ve got on
jeans, a hoodie, a coat, and a blanket and I’m still shivering. That’s not ok!
Oh, and one more thing. If you don’t follow El Arroyo’s
Austin on Instagram, you’re missing out on amazingness. It’s become a bucket list
item of mine to meet the person who comes up with their signs. I love their
mind.
Bye. For real this time.
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