Do NOT make eye contact with the Girl Scout

Do not make eye contact with the Girl Scout. It’s cookie season again. To Girl Scout cookie lovers that’s a great thing. I’m not a GS cookie lover, though. So it’s terribly awkward when I have to reject their sales pitch or try to avoid any eye contact with them coming into AND out of a store. It’s kind of like the Salvation Army Bell Ringers. I DO donate to them, but I do it once. I’ll put a $10 or $20 bill in the bucket one time a season. I would be homeless and have my car repossessed if I did this with every bell ringer I saw.  But one bell ringer doesn’t know that I’ve already donated to another, so I feel like I should avoid eye contact with them, too. I might as well live in a Bird Box world from like the end of November until after GS cookie season.

I feel even worse when you’re at a register paying for something and they ask you to donate to whatever cause on the screen. And you hit yes or no so that the cashier can adjust your total. I just know that they are thinking I’m a horrible person if I don’t donate every time. I don’t, though, and I’m willing to deal with their thoughts.

It’s been a week now and yes. I’m still waiting patiently for my “more” that I talked about before. I had a funny conversation with my 4-year old nephew, Jake, the other day, though. He basically wants me to move in with his family and sleep on their couch. He tells me that I can save my money that way. It’s a sweet thought, but it just wouldn’t work. Anyway, the other night I had to drop him off at home. I was telling him goodbye and giving him kisses and stuff when he asked me why I had to go home. I explained to him that I needed to shower and get ready for bed and stuff. Then he asked me why I sleep alone at night. What do you even say to that? So, I stumbled my way through an explanation of why I sleep alone at night and then he offered a suggestion. He said that I should buy a book to put in my room and then I wouldn’t be alone. He makes a good point, right? Sort of?

I love the fact that he’s sweet enough to think about me and want me to have people around and save my money. At the same time, though, I don’t know what to say to the things that come out of his mouth. I’m sure I’ll figure it out at some point, but for now I’ll just keep reading my books about how to handle kids and hope that something sticks in my brain.

I did sign up for an online dating site for a day last week. I was curious about the types of people I would see on there, but I was over it in about 30 minutes. You can’t just get on there and look at people’s profiles, so I answered like 800 questions about myself and then I clicked on whatever button to see my matches. Holy crap. Maybe I don’t know myself at all or something. If this site really has matched up so many people, then they must know what they’re doing, right? Not in my world! And don’t go looking and swiping any direction when you don’t know what you’re doing. I thought I was just swiping to see the next person, but apparently I was swiping and telling people that I wanted to meet them. Like I said, though, my interest in this lasted for about half an hour. I tried to delete my profile after that, but you have to wait 24 hours. So I did and now it’s gone.

Just a couple of random observations.

I drove by a dentist office in the rich neighborhood. Most places say Dr. _____, DDS. This place had a sign that said “Dental Art.” I don’t want to sound too judgy, but what is that? And is it covered by insurance?

I go to the Sam’s Club on the weekend and see lines and lines of people. I almost feel like I’m a stealer for doing Scan and Go instead of standing in line like they do. Why don’t people take advantage of this amazing, time saving app? (This is my honest to God observation. Sam’s Club doesn’t even know I exist, so they’re not paying me).

I’m thinking about making dance my hobby. Not like fancy classical dance. I’m talking dance you would do to Beyonce’s “Formation” or Nicki Minaj “Good Form.” I have no rhythm and I know no moves, but I see that dancers in videos wear Vans and shirts that are cut off right below the boob. Step one is go home and cut a shirt. I’ll let you know what step 2 is after it happens.

Oh, I got flipped off last week! Some lady was driving her fancy ass Audi on the road. I needed to turn right at the next light, so I turned on my blinker to get over into the right lane. Apparently the lady in the Audi didn’t want me in front of her because she then proceeded to get into the left lane, stop where she knew I could see her, and flip me off. Then we had to sit through the red light together. Why? I didn’t do anything wrong, so why was she so mad at me? I just waved to her.

Speaking of Nicki Minaj “Good Form…” Here are a few song recommendations that I think you should have on your workout playlist. If you don’t, you’re missing out.

Drake- Nonstop

Lil Wayne- Uproar

Nicki Minaj- Good Form

Post Malone- Wow

Kid Cudi- Pursuit of Happiness (Steve Aoki Remix)

A$AP Rocky- Effing Problem

Jay Z- Onto the Next One

Kanye West- Theraflu

Kanye West- I Love It

Big Sean & Ellie Goulding- You Don’t Know

A$AP Rocky feat Skrillex- Wild for the Night

I know I love rap. If you don’t like my list, don’t download the songs! But don’t go knocking my stuff, either.

I feel like I should also offer some wise words of advice or something. You know. Because I’m so good at life, right?

-          Short term suck is worth long time not suck (so make the changes you need in your life to be happy)

-          Don’t trust the automatic gas shut off thing on the gas pump. It didn’t work for me yesterday and it could’ve been nasty!

-          Read the prompts on the credit/debit card thingy at the store. They’re all different and one mistake can cost you like 10 swipes. This happened to me at Academy over the weekend.

-          Stolen from Olivia Pope- If you leap and you try and it doesn’t work out, it’s not on you. (You can’t always fix what’s broken. Sometimes it’s better for everyone if you accept the broken and move on in life)

I would really like to be able to rock a rock n roll t-shirt in 2019. Add that to the short term bucket list.

Everyone should make cheese at home at least once in their life. I made vegan mozzarella over the weekend and I feel truly accomplished.

If you need a delicious, quick meal to eat on nights when cooking isn’t an option, try this meal prep idea.

--------Quinoa, corn, black beans, and sweet red, orange, and yellow bell pepper. Mix it all together and heat up. Then go to the Mexican area of the refrigerated area by the cheese. They sell uncooked tortillas here. Get them and be ready for your life to be forever changed. Add quinoa and other stuff to a tortilla after you cook it. Enjoy!

I just saw the saddest thing ever and I need it. It’s a book called “Microwave Cooking for One.” Welcome to my life.

I totally had something else I wanted to tell you about, but I forgot what it was and I failed to make a note of it in my phone before I forgot. Damn it.

I’m really excited about the Bachelor coming on tonight. I had fun commenting on it last week. I think I felt validated when you guys commented back and agreed with me. So I’m gonna do that again tonight and, hopefully, feel all validated when I go to bed tonight.

I guess that’s all for now. It’s freaking freezing in this office and someone got a little too excited with their perfume sprays today. Someone else is blowing their nose and it’s really loud and dry sounding. I can’t think like this!