Tuesday, July 21, 2015

This one's for you Kaitlyn...bullies SUCK. Even parents can be bullies

Last nights episode of the Bachelorette was kind of boring, but it was also eye opening. Kaitlyn might be polarizing, but from what I’ve learned in my years in radio, it’s better for people to have some kind of opinion of you than none at all. I think she’s accomplished that, right?  Unfortunately, though, some people have too much of an opinion and don’t know what to do with their thoughts. They’ve taken to being flat out hateful to her when it’s totally unnecessary.

If there’s one thing you have to admit about Kaitlyn, she owns her actions. Maybe she’s made some poor decisions…maybe not. She’s done what was right for her at the time and not everyone agrees with those choices. That’s fine. On the flip side, if Kaitlyn was a person who vowed to wait until marriage to even kiss a man, would she get such hate? Isn’t it just as extreme to make a lifelong commitment to a person not knowing if you have that connection with them? At least she has the courage to face her mistake, to keep Nick around to figure out if her feelings are just lust, and to finish this experiment the way she agreed to finish it.

The Tweets and messages that were read on the episode last night were downright sickening. People calling her a slut, whore, and wishing death on her were shameful. These people aren’t saying anything to the people on that show “Married at First Sight.” Those people don’t even know each other when they make vows to one another in God’s house. Then, in the end, they can commit what I’m told is the sin of divorce. They get MARRIED having no feelings for one another beyond possible physical attraction, but that’s acceptable? Even better, that’s more acceptable to a lot of people than two gay people who have loved one another for however many years? I’d love to know how that makes sense.

Beyond the moral ineptitude behind these thoughts goes the basic message of bullying. How is it ok to say such things to anyone? None of the people who sent those messages to Kaitlyn know her or what she’s feeling or going through. If you think she’s a whore, then I guess you think that everyone who’s ever been the Bachelor or Bachelorette is a whore because guess what? They all do it! You just don’t always know what happens. You think they sit there and sing lullabies in the fantasy suites? Why is Kaitlyn any worse than any other person who has been on this show?

Even more, why isn’t Ian getting backlash for being a total jackass? He had no right to say the things that he did right before he left the show. His apology last night was nothing more than a big show and his attempt to be the next Bachelor. Don’t you see it? He said that he should be the Bachelor. What’s better than the guy who left looking like some huge jerk and then came back, faced humiliation, and redeemed himself? I seriously hope that no one fell for that nonsense. It was the most insincere act I’ve seen in a while. Sickening.

It makes you think, though…if grown people feel that it’s totally acceptable to say those things to another person on social media, how can we possibly expect for kids to learn any differently? Why are such ignorant people the ones (SOMETIMES) that are blessed with children? There are so many types of bullying and I truly don’t think that we realize it before words come out of our mouths or before we type them on our Twitter accounts or Facebook pages.

One big thing that is on my mind right now…and it’s for personal reasons that I wish I could detail, but I can’t…is the effect that adults words and actions have on kids. In essence, adults being bullies to kids. I know that it might not seem like a parent or mentor or family member could or would be a bully to a kid, but I think that’s where we tend to go the most wrong. Here’s why.

There are some statements that can be made that will stick with a person forever. Here’s a personal one that I can share. When I was younger, one horrible person who should be in an institution said that I needed to watch my weight because I had a tendency to be fat. And now…here I am…an adult…and I still remember those words like they were spoken yesterday. How dare anyone speak to me or of me that way? Who has the right to put that thought in my head? I hate to tell you this, but from the ages of like maybe 8-14, you’re really vulnerable to body image issues. Unless a doctor tells you that your child is at risk for something, the only thing you should be telling your child or teenager is to take care of their body because they are perfect the way they are. Period. I vow to never refer to myself as fat around a child. I will encourage health and not accuse them of being less than the best. You know what? We could all be better. But who are you to be telling a kid that they need to watch their weight because they have a tendency to be fat? Now that I can, I say to you that you should go eff yourself.

I know that I was never the sharpest tool in the shed, but I tried. I also will never forget the day that we had to learn to write the cursive letter “F.” I think I about drove my mom insane. She never called me stupid of anything, but I know she was frustrated. That’s another way that parents bully their kids. Name-calling. Think about it before you call your child stupid because they make a bad grade. Don’t say they’re a brat because they throw a tantrum in the grocery store. Kids will be kids and if you can’t deal with it, perhaps parenthood wasn’t meant for you. If you need to call a name or two to your spouse at the end of the night, have at it. But don’t do it to your kids face. Unless that’s the way you want them to grow up handling other people.

There’s a lot to be said about the way you treat others around your children. That’s how they learn to treat others. Think about it. If I’m a 2-year old and I see my dad punch someone every time he meets them, what am I going to do? Most likely punch people when I meet them. I’m screwed because my daddy is violent. If you talk down to your significant other and show no respect, where is your child going to learn respect? If you let the trash pile up in your house because you’re too lazy to clean it, how is your child going to learn hygienic responsibility? Do you see the trend?

You are setting the standard for future generations. So am I. I’m around kids all the time. I spend most of my free time around three kids that mean the world to me. I’m not talking out of turn with all of this. Life is definitely a world of practicing what you preach. Respecting and showing kindness isn’t that hard. If you can’t do that, at least being civil should come somewhat easy. I’m not saying bow down and kiss everyone’s feet, but tweeting someone and calling him or her a slut or whore and wishing them dead because they admit to having made a mistake makes you no better than them. Check your own morals before you cast contempt on someone else’s. I can almost promise you that if you look into the mirror honestly, you have no room to look down on another person.

And with that…I will now spell check.

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