Tuesday, April 9, 2013

It's been a while, so here goes...

Hmmm. My thoughts. Demi Lovato’s “Give Your Heart A Break” is in my head. So maybe “Go on and read my blog, you know my blog is great…” Maybe?

It’s been a long couple of weeks. Last week I got a raging ear infection that sucked. I’m still on antibiotics for it until Saturday or something. I’m not a fan of having an ear that is sore to the touch. At all. So I’m hoping it’s gonna be gone soon.

It’s 83 degrees in my apartment right now and I’m comfortable. Is that healthy?

Here’s something that I’ve noticed bugs the heck out of me. Why is it that the people who complain about their exes the most after a break up are the ones who end up back with that horrible, awful person? Is the repeated “I wasn’t happy with them” or “he needs to just go away and delete my number” a means of convincing yourself that that person sucked? I’ve done the break up and make up thing with one person before. But I will say this. I was young and trouble and stupid. I was out a lot. But in the end I realize that break ups don’t happen just because. There’s obviously a problem that’s big enough for you to want to walk away instead of figure it out. And I can’t help but chuckle when I see the people who swore they’d never go back kissing and hugging all over their former ex. It’s like come on, really? Are you just settling for what’s easy? Is it that scary to put your pinky toe into the single pool and give real love a shot? I almost feel like relationships are a game to a lot of people I’ve known. And it’s sad because they get older, as we all do, but their brain takes like 5 steps backwards. It’s like the ex is a hot stove burner that burns you every time you touch it, but you keep going back and burning the crap out of your hand expecting a different result. It’s a stove, people. Its purpose in life is to get hot and pass that heat along to other stuff. It’s not going to change its purpose just because you’re too dense to understand it. So you burn your hand over and over and over until you’ve got a scar for life that even extra strength Maderma won’t get rid of. And then you want other people to give you first aid and kiss the burn and blow on it until it feels better. Why should I waste my energy on your insanity? Because at the end of the day that’s what it is. Insanity. Here are some tips.

1.     If he’s in his mid to late 30’s and the biggest douchebag you know, that’s not gonna change. If anything his DB tendencies will just get worse because you reinforce them by running back like a puppy chasing it’s tail. Guess what? The puppy rarely catches its tail. It just runs in circles like an idiot with no positive end to the journey. Think about it ladies.
2.     “But I LOVE him…” B.S. You love the IDEA of the perfectly acted and perfectly ending movie scene that’s NEVER GONNA HAPPEN. Unless you’re really lucky and find someone who thinks you deserve to live out that dream. But when you keep running back to that horrible ex like a desperate loser, why should he give you that? You make him do NOTHING to earn you back. So maybe you’ll be all cutesy and lovey dovey for a day or two, but then it’s gonna go back to the same way it was before because IT CAN. Why should he do anything for your relationship when his constant lack of effort is reinforced? Think about it, girls.
Yes break ups suck. And moving on is a process. And it makes me sad to think about the low value that people must have of themselves for allowing this continued cycle to repeat itself. It really is a case of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Is it immaturity? I know that people are gonna say “well my BF/GF and I broke up 17 times, but now we’re married and have 37 kids together.” Well you know what? Get some birth control!!!  Second, that’s awesome. Good for you for putting yourself through the same miserable experience 17 times over. And good for you for reproducing a slew of kids who get to live under the umbrella of your misery. Good for you. And I know you’re gonna sit there and call me a bitch and say that I don’t know you, so I need to shut up. Well guess what? My shutting up is as easy as you clicking on the X in the top corner of your computer screen.

You’re still here? That’s because YOU KNOW I’M RIGHT. And in 20 years you’re gonna look back at the life that you settled for and say Damn. I knew better. Why didn’t I make changes when I knew in my head and my heart that it was the right thing to do? Why did I deny myself a shot at real, genuine, fairy tale ending forever love? Well, there are at least a couple people I know who are headed down this wasted path of settling for what’s comfortable. And I might chuckle when I see the love comments on FB or the oh so cryptic messages that really aren’t as cryptic as you intend them to be. MOVE ON. Give yourself a chance at happiness. If everyone in your life calls your man Douchebag whatever his name is, there’s a problem! And if you slap each other whenever you go out and have too much to drink, THERE’S A PROBLEM. Can you honestly look at the person you fall asleep with at night and see forever with them? I can only hope so.

On a different note…

I've got some horrible customer service warnings to issue. If you don't listen to me, then it's your own dang fault they treat you like crap, too.

1. Hibbett Sports in Illinois. We were in there shopping for stuff. I had to pee. So I asked where the bathroom is. The response "We don't have a bathroom you can use. But the Dollar General next door does." Really? I didn't have 95 kids with me to pee all over the seats. Money was spent there. So how crappy is it to tell customers that they can't even pee in your store? That's a bunch of junk and I'm not happy with them.

2. The fast food establishment that has yellow arches on their logo. It's 10:59 according to my cell phone. It's on a satellite synced with the real time on earth. I know this. So if it's 10:59 and I want a salad, don't tell me that it's breakfast time until 11. Throw some dang lettuce in a bowl and hand it over. I didn't want you to cook anything for me. I wanted veggies. I won't be one of the billions served at that place anymore.

3. 1saleaday.com. These people just really ticked me off. They cut off the last digit of my apartment number which causes delivery to take even longer than it usually does. Since the site has NO CONTACT INFO that I can find, I googled it. I called. I got an agent within 2 rings. Awesome! I know they must not be busy if there's no wait time, so this should be no problem to fix. I tell the guy what I want. He then tells me that the only way to fix the problem is through email. So I say "you're telling me that you...a human being...cannot add a number in my address right now?" He says, "A human will help you, but it will be through email. They're very on top of it." I say, "I don't believe that, but fine."  So I emailed them and now I wait. And I know that my delivery is going to get stuck somewhere in the USPS system and it will be even longer. Needless to say, I'M NOT HAPPY. And also don't let them fool you. They try and sell you on how much money you save if you order from them. Don't buy into it. I've now learned the hard way that the mattress cover they say is worth $100 sells for $14 at WalMart. At least if you buy it from WalMart you get it right then and there.

So basically I'm saying that Hibbett Sports can suck it, I'm not lovin' that fast food joint, and 1saleaday.com can suck it, too. Don’t they know who I think I am?

I saw a place over the weekend called Planet Wiener. And another called Amishland. Haha.

I need to tell you about some stuff I’ve got coming up. I’m hosting karaoke at Big Al’s bar on Friday. It starts around 9. I’ve been getting messages from people who miss seeing me in the studio and hearing my awesome laugh in the background. If you’re one of these people, come to karaoke on Friday and see me and I will laugh for you. If you’re funny. I don’t laugh if you’re not funny. Sorry.

Next weekend I’m the special guest at Gay Bingo. I’m gonna give away some tickets next week, so keep checking my FB. Thanks!

I’m still trying to get rich off of my DJ skills. Hire me. DJPsychoShanon@gmail.com.


1 comment:

  1. Haha! Salad is pre-made at the yellow arches place...they should have given it to you! Yay! For the BINGO night! Keep us posted. Hope the ear gets better. Nothing worse than ear infection. Period.
    Love ya! Kelli ♥