How do I know I'm OCD? When all I can think about during the playroom sexy time scenes of "50 Shades of Grey" is whether or not that piece of play equipment is new, gently used and dirty, gently used and sanitized, heavily used and dirty, or heavily used and sanitized.
My thoughts on “50 Shades of Gray.” I will say this. I didn’t read the book, so I had no idea what to expect other than to cringe. I mean honestly I’m kind of like a 13-year-old boy in the sense of not knowing what to do when body parts I shouldn’t see are on a big screen in a movie theater. Oh wait. Step back.
So, we get there early to get decent seats and eat. We walk into a totally empty theater and it’s like I hear “HALLELUKJAH!” singing as I pick comfy seats. I’m so happy! But then I notice all these women coming in with dudes by them. Hold on a minute…that’s not what we said we were doing. So I go back out and ask the theater lady. This rose is my movie ticket…is this the right theater? She says yes. So I say OK and go back in. Sit down. No biggie. Then more dudes. HUH? So, I go back out and ask the Enforcer, Rob. He says it’s the theater on the right and says a number. I guess I forgot the number because, again, I was convinced that I am in the correct damn theater. So on my way back in I stop and confront the dude sitting there. I’m like:
“Hey. Your food looks good.”
Me: “You know you’re a guy, right?”
Me: “You here for 50 Shades of Grey?”
Me: “For the KKMS?
His wife gives me the stank eye and I just stand there. Now what?
I slowly just walked away and felt like I had a tail between my legs like an idiot and watched the other men come in the theater. Little did I know that I was the idiot who went in the wrong theater. I was supposed to be in the theater with the big Kidd Kraddick Morning Show in front of it…they had to come and ask me to see the ticket I didn’t have, after I had already ordered our food and drinks, before I finally realized that Meagan was right all along and we were in the wrong theater.
So, we go to the right theater and luckily get seats. They didn’t save seats for THE SHANON. It’s OK. (That was sarcasm, people). Here’s my take on the movie.
First, no, I didn’t read the book. I’m more into writing. When I do read, it’s stuff like “Skinny B,” “Managing Your Mind,” and “Getting Nasty People Out Of Your Life” type of stuff. So I went in blind. I didn’t understand the connection between Christian and Anastasia. How does he “get” people if he doesn’t “do relationships?” It doesn’t make sense. He didn’t seem to be able to carry on any kind of relationship with anybody except for Anna. So how did he become a billionaire based on his theory of being such a people getter when he doesn’t even get himself?
Why was she so intrigued by him if she’s such a romantic? He’s like glass. Is it just the typical girl thing of wanting to change him? And if he claimed for it to be working so well, why did he shut down so suddenly? I don’t get it.
And OK. If Anastasia is such a romantic, why would she be willing to be one of just another number of women who have signed his contract? And why did she ask him to do what he did to make her finally say NO!?! Was it a test and he failed? I’m confused and I don’t think it’s meant to be that hard. Seriously. And why would someone of her naïve nature be willing to give into his lifestyle? It’s so extreme. If she’s an extremist, why would she punish him for being one? She’s a hypocrite.
Now, onto fun germ talk.
Just some interesting stuff I was unaware of. Yes. Saving the planet is cool. But so is saving my life by not catching everyone else’s nastiness. Sorry if that’s selfish, but I’m a giver in most other ways of life. I don’t like these things anyway, so usually I just wipe my hands on my shirt or pants and move along. Why waste paper towels even? SO don’t go all environmentally nutso on me telling me I’m killing future generations by posting this. I encourage wiping your hands on your clothes. End of story. Having just paid $75 for a Tamiflu RX wasn’t fun. I did print out a $10 coupon, but what they don’t tell you is that the ID number on those things DOES NOT PRINT OUT usually. So if you go to print one of those, look at it before you leave the house. If the ID number didn’t print, write it on the coupon. Otherwise, it’s useless to you. Even though you’re paying more for insurance now, it’s covering less, so meds are really expensive. With that being said, get ready for this.
Using the Air Dryer
They might as well be called germ blowers: A recent study found that jet air dryers spread 27 times as many microbes as paper towels and nearly five times more bacteria than warm-air blowers, according to researchers from the U.K. Scientists found higher amounts of germs in the air around both types of dryers—they could still detect the bugs 15 minutes after use—than around paper towel dispensers. Your best bet: Grab a paper towel to dry off your mitts and head for the door ASAP to reduce your exposure to the swirling airborne bacteria.
Here’s some more germ news I didn’t know. Yesterday, I saw a mobile mattress sanitizer cleansing someone’s stuff in their driveway! I had no clue! Were they ridding it of bedbugs? I don’t know! But I had no idea such a service existed. It was loud as crap, but who knew! Not I, said me.
If you get bored at work or whatever, if you go to the Yahoo homepage, take some time to click around some of those random articles they post. It’s amazing the things you can learn! Seriously. I learned that there is such a thing as spending too long on the toilet, you can be too clean down there, and that drinking too much fluid can make you constipated. I thought it was supposed to help with that. WTH?? I need a colonoscopy, but I so don’t want one. I’m too young for that mess. I don’t want to know what the co-pay for those are. People always say, “What are you gonna do on spring break or whatever?” My answer is usually nothing because my body is like a walking disaster. My mom paid for me to go to Hawaii, so my next vacation will be to colonoscopy resort. Hopefully they at least have nice lighting and good music.