Watch out for the wolf!

I guess I will start this blog in a lighthearted manner with some things to think about if you live in an apartment.

1.     Tap dance lessons on carpet are still tap dance lessons. Your downstairs neighbor can hear you. At least go tap in the parking lot.

2.     Be conscious of the food you cook. It is unpleasant for me to walk in my door and think that maybe you are painting your walls in stinky food. No amount of scented wax can cover it up. Just FYI.

3.     If you have careless kids in the car with you, open their door for them. That way they don’t slam their door into my car. That I pay for. Teach them respect and the value of other people’s property. I’m still not over the ding in my door.

4.     When taking a SLOW stroll around the complex, move out of the dang way if a car is coming. Yes, pedestrians have the right of way. But there is no considerate reason for you to walk in the center of the parking lot with your kid running around like a crazy person, making it impossible to pass. I cuss at you for this.

5.     I spray for bugs in my apartment like a crazy person. I’m not the OCD cleaning lady most of the time, but my apartment is clean-ish. So it really upsets me when unclean people live around me and I run into an occasional disgusting bug in the hallway. One even came in my apartment before.

6.     Yes. Lauren Hill was cool when I was about 7. It’s 2013. Find something new. I swear if I hear that song one more time I might get a little crazy.

I guess that’s all I have on that subject for now.

And for my gays who were at the Pride parade this weekend. Here’s a few notes for you.

1.     You can duck down behind as many cars as you want. Pot still stinks. So do it in your own space.

2.     I get that it’s hot. But I don’t want to see or accidentally rub up against your butt hanging out, belly hanging over, rainbow panties or undies or whatever those guys wear. So drink some water and understand that tens of thousands of people are in a small space. Your skin is dirty to me. Keep it to yourself.

3.     Yelling vulgar things at us does not entice us to throw you a 25-cent pair of beads. It makes me want to punch you in the throat. Go pay a stripper to show you her boobs. I only do that when it’s for a bit. Idiots.

I guess that’s all I have to say about that.

Amber posted or said something the other day that has played in my head over and over and over. Plain and simple. Haters are gonna hate. That’s a harsh reality to face in life. But you know what? Suck it up and do it.  Accept the fact that not everyone in this life is going to see the positive in you. They’re going to be blinded by outside influences or just sheer bitterness in their heart and use you as the target to let out some of their self-hate. I know this because I’ve done it. Many times before. But then I grew up.

There’s a lot to be said for developing a mature state of mind. Just because you turn 18 doesn’t mean you’re mature. Or 21. Or 30 for that matter. There is no specific set life event that takes you from a simple-minded person to a mature one.  I’ve seen 14 year olds who have more maturity than any adult I’ve met. Which is sad for both. A 14 year old should be worried about boys or girls and text messages and stupid stuff like that. It’s pretty sad the way that life turns out for some people, but that’s the hand we’re dealt.

I was doing something yesterday in my apartment and had Teen Mom or 16 and Pregnant on in the background. And I’m listening to these people who have produced the future of our world taking their baby daddy to court over Tweets. A dad with a newborn misses two months of his babies life because he’s gotta go to rehab to kick his drug habit. It’s especially sad to me after seeing my sister and brother in law lose their baby boy. I don’t know if rehab worked or not. If it did, then good for him for doing what he needed to do in an effort to be a potentially better dad. If not, what a waste of a gift from God. Seriously. Shame on him for missing out on that time because he was wasting it at a facility.

Anyway, my mind is moving faster than my fingers can type. Back to the whole haters thing. I was thinking about this today while I was standing in a really long line at the store. The lady in front of me had a toddler in the little booster seat thingy you strap kids into. The kid was upset over something the kid the next line over said. And the mom did nothing to console her kid. And then after the husband came to the checkout line, she stopped the checker from doing what she needed to and told her husband about the adorable fit their kid just threw. On spec I didn’t like these people. I know nothing about them. And frankly it didn’t matter to me. Actions speak louder than words and this mothers actions just seemed unreal to me. Next thing I know I get to my car and who comes to the truck next to me? This mom, dad, and daughter. I turn my car on and get ready to back out. Reverse lights on. I see the mom look at the back of my car. It would make sense to pick up the daughter, get out of my way, and let me leave. But she didn’t do this. Instead she lets the kid rub up against my car, opens the driver side door and the back door thing, waits for the kid to climb in, lets the kid play in the truck for a minute, puts her in her seat, the readjusts the front seat, fixes the lanyard that held her keys, leaves the doors open, walks to the back of the truck, waits for the husband to return the basket. THEN she walks around, doors still open, and I have to wait for the husband to get in, put his seatbelt on, and close the doors.

During this inconsideration, I posted on my Facebook that I’m out of patience for the day. I was a little upset with myself for getting so irritated by complete strangers. But at the same time, common courtesy goes a seriously long way. They even tried to back out before I did! But I made sure that didn’t happen.

The point of that story is that I didn’t even give these people a chance to prove that they could be considerate. And honestly, why would I? I don’t know them. I’ve never seen them before and will likely never see them again. I cannot possibly get to know the millions of people in this country. So should I feel guilty for judging them the way that I did?

I guess it’s different when a stranger shows blatant disregard for you versus someone you have regular contact with. Maybe it’s a friend of a friend. Like Bridesmaids. Annie didn’t really give Helen a real chance to prove herself until the end of the movie. And to some degree Helen deserved what she got. She made it pretty obvious that she was trying to belittle Annie. So yeah, you get what you give in that scenario. But what about people who decide they don’t like you based on nothing? I know that in the job I’m in people are going to hate. And honestly that’s perfectly OK with me. I would much rather be loved or hated than have people feel indifferent about me. But in my little world, where I’m trying to be the best person I can be and I’m still not given a chance, it sucks. But at the same time it drives me. Is that a sick, cyclical way of living life? To try and gain the respect of people who have zero reason to deny you that in the first place? Wasted energy? It’s like beating your head against a wall and the wall just won’t give. Very frustrating.

I guess that’s just life. And you really have to look at it this way…if you’re worthy of this thought process. It’s their loss. I know what I have to offer. I know what I want to give. The only thing in this world that I have any amount of control over is myself. And staying calm and rational so that I don’t give the haters a reason to hate. I’m better than that, right?

Social media is such a blessing and a curse. It keeps us in touch with people near and far. We can check up on our loved ones without them knowing we do it. But it’s also a whole new way of spreading hate. It’s strange how one single message from a person can change everything. For better or for worse. Facebook brought Amber into my life. Yea that. But Facebook also opens up everyone’s world to whatever words some coward chooses to type. I’ve been threatened, harassed, hurt, blessed, and all other types of things through social media. I guess you have to take the bad with the good, but man does it SUCK at times.

I guess the moral of this long thing is to keep in mind the power of your words. And the power of your silence. Follow your gut when it comes to the people you allow in your world. As horrible as it is, there are a lot of people in our lives who have been wolves in sheep’s clothing for a long time. It’s what we know and learn to accept as familiar. And maybe we even allow them to make us a little bit of a wolf, too. Familiar does not equal right. Change is scary, but sometimes when you open your eyes and see who you allow to stand in front of you, you realize what you’re missing out on by allowing them that space. It’s hard to earn people’s respect, but it’s impossible when you’re not even given the opportunity. But that’s a lesson I’ve learned throughout my years and, in my opinion, a sign of true maturity. Because, after all, when someone shows you who they are, you should just go on and believe them. A wolf will hunt down its prey and take down everything and everyone in its path. So it’s up to us to avoid them altogether.

And I guess that’s all I have to say about that.

Shanon

Since I was just sitting in the airport....

Hi. So I'm sitting in Kansas City...at the airport known as MCI...waiting on a delayed flight home. I just have a couple things to say about this. First, I wish I drank coffee because the lady working at the Starbucks sounds exactly like Bon Qui Qui. I'd record her talking if I had a clever way to start a conversation with her. But I don't. Secondly, this airport ranks in my bottom 5. I'm in a long distance relationship. It's a lot of flying to see one another, but well worth it. But if I could choose airports NOT to go through, they would include DFW, Houston Hobby, Kansas City, and Orlando. I'm not decided on the 5th worst yet. If I could choose my faves, they would be Dallas Love Field, Indianapolis, Louisville, Lexington, and I'm not sure on the 5th fave. So if you ever wanna give me plane tickets or whatever, please be mindful of the airports I don't like. 

Speaking of flying. I just got off of the first plane and felt like I couldn't get far enough away from the guy next to me. He looked nice and clean cut and stuff, but when he sat down he sneezed into one hand, coughed into the other, wiped his nose, and then picked his teeth. People cough and sneeze. I get it. But do it into your shirt or in the fold of your arm. If your nose needs wiping, be a civilized human and do it with something other than the fingers you're about to touch our shared armrest with and then the air vent. And if you have something in your teeth, go to the bathroom and pick it out or something. Especially if you're going to pick it out, look at it, and then flick it. I saw a guy doing the same thing in the food court the other day, too. I dislike them on spec. I judge their dirtiness and lack of courtesy for things that other people see and touch. For the love of teddy bears boys....you're gross!!

Lesson learned the hard way after the 10-mile canoe trip yesterday. Paddling makes you shift left and right a lot. And my sensitive pastry butt is paying the price. It hurts like I'm pouring a constant flow of alcohol over an open wound. I went to the Dollar General earlier and got some butt paste. It's on there. But holy crap my butt hurts. 

I feel really bad for the man sitting in the airport chairs in front of me. His wife won't stop nagging. I'm sure he deserves it, but can't they text argue? 

I tweeted on posted a FB message the other day apologizing for the Chloe bit I wrote not going well. Most people replied back that it was funny anyway and they enjoyed it. But then there's that occasional jerk who uses that moment when you're down to lash out and diminish your creative talent altogether. Here's what I say to one particular guy. I don't see you offering up anything better since I suck so bad. So unless you can give constructive criticism or offer up some kind of solution to what I'm doing wrong, you can just suck it. I don't care what you suck on. As long as its not attached to me. I have thoughts in my head where to go with this, but I will keep those to myself. Because if I start my list of things for you to suck on, I'm no better than you. 

I enjoy Diet Pepsi a lot. Probably way too much. Just saying. 

Another thing about this airport. What in the crap were they thinking when they built this place? You have to go out of security to eat anything other than Quiznos, Starbucks, some meat place, or some overpriced little market. And there might be a grand total of 6 women's bathroom stalls on this side. So the wait is long. And it sucks when the maintenance lady is in the corner on her phone talking about the terrible smell in the bathroom instead of doing something about it. When I came through here on Thursday, there wasn't a drop of soap to be found. It baffles me how people who consistently suck at doing the easiest of jobs stay employed. I mean good for them for having a paycheck coming in instead of just using welfare or whatever, but at least TRY and LOOK like you might possibly potentially care. 

I know I'm griping a lot. I'm hormonal and tired. All I want is food in my mouth at all times. But then I obsess over it and it wears me out. And brings me down. So I'm gonna need for some doctor or something to decide that I don't need my reproduction system, give me some sleepy time whatever gas or IV, and rip 'em out. Please. And thank you. 

Is Butt Paste better than Desitin? It costs more for less of it at the Dollar General, so I'm assuming it is. 

Do you ever wonder how and why some people pick their ringtones and don't get embarrassed when they ring out loud? Or is that just me?

So I just looked at an update on my flight delay. It was arriving home at midnight. Now it's 11:50. I'm gonna call that progress. 

I think I'm gonna go put on my dirty Nike sweat pants and try and nap the beeyotch out of my system. Cuz dang I don't even like my head right now. 

Oh. And one more thing. Tuna fish sandwiches stink! So please ask me before you sit down next to me and eat one. I wish the guy next to me was reading my blog right now.

Dirty sweats on. Pillow out. Time to check out. 

It’s the next day now. The Wi-Fi in the airport wasn’t strong enough to let me post. And when I got home I was beat. So I went to bed and waited until now to post. Sorry I’m lazy. I’m putting this out there for you and the universe to read. I’m needing a full circle happy, healthy life to look forward to. One where I keep my relationship that makes me happy, but where I can know for a fact that I can contribute what Amber deserves towards our future. I need to get to the point where I feel a sense of pride when I look at my bank account. I want to say to myself that all my years of busting ass have paid off. It’s my own stupid fault I’m where I am now. Allowing people to walk all over me. Being the caretaker and literally having my financial security and short term future sucked out of me. I’m finally taking huge steps forward in giving my heart and soul what it needs in life. It’s taken many years of bruises and abuse of my inner being to finally get to this point. I can finally say to myself in complete honesty that I deserve better than what I’ve allowed in my life. I’m disgusted with myself for not going with my gut. Because the reality of it is that had I gone with what I knew in my gut, I would have a heck of a lot less stress in life than I do now. So I’ve found love that I’ve wanted and I’m ready to finally start building that picture perfect life I deserve. I know that life isn’t perfect. But I’m also hoping that most of you aren’t “literal men and women” who are gonna give me crap for using that word. But why shouldn’t I? I’ve never even been able to accept that I’m worthy of “good enough.” Now it’s time to move on, see that I am a good person with a good heart, I work hard, I’ve shown my loyalty…now it’s time for the payoff. It’s like I’ve put together the center pieces of the puzzle…finally…and now I need to edges to keep it all together. To secure the pieces where they belong.

It will happen. I know it will. With the stuff that’s happened lately, I’ve seen the support system I’ve got in my life. It’s kind of sad to see where support did not come from, but hey. That’s life. Everybody’s got stuff going on and mine is no more important than theirs. But maybe on occasion it should be. I’ve been the person to put my feelings and selfishness aside. So now it’s  time for that good karma to come my way. But when it hits me, I hope it’s not on my butt. Beause all the butt paste I’ve applied today hasn’t helped a lot.

Thanks for reading my blogs you guys. It feels nice to know that a few of you care about what I have to say.

Goodnight. Tomorrow is HUMP DAY!! WOOT WOOT!!!

Shanon

Just an update...

Another blog that’s been too long since the last one. I’m sorry about that. It’s been a blur lately and I’ve had a hard time making sense of things.

We can start with the obvious. We are trying to keep KKITM a show that Kidd would be proud to have his name on. It’s a lot different these days. I’m not saying different is bad. It’s just different. I had 14 years to “get” Kidd. And I think I had the man down pretty well. Now I’m trying to “get” the flow of a show without Kidd. Honestly, I think we’ve been doing a pretty decent job. Of course I’ve screwed up about 700 times already, but I’m trying and I can assure you that the other people in that studio are trying, too. Just be patient with us as we try and find our way in a world that used to have a super fancy, updated, top of the line navigation system built in. Now we are driving with a Mapsco, but as a team we are going to find a way.

I guess all I can really say is that the messages of love and support have been completely overwhelming. And that’s putting it lightly. The truth is that none of us or anyone else could ever fill Kidd’s shoes. That’s not what we’re trying to do. Kidd was a visionary in the radio industry. There are some radio sites that have tributes written about Kidd and how he has changed the entire path of morning radio. I knew he was great at what he did, but I didn’t understand the depths of it until after his passing. So now that the show carries on, all we can hope to do is follow the lessons that he taught us. We all knew that Kidd would retire one day, but we didn’t know that he would suddenly pass away. So while we mourn the loss of our leader, co-worker, and for a lot of us family member, we try and see the light at the end of the tunnel and do a radio show that you still want to listen to everyday. Growing pains SUCK, but they’re a necessary evil. I jut want to say thank you for your continued support of us individually and as a show. We’re gonna make Kidd proud….hopefully while you listen.

I’m going to cuss in the next sentence, so close your eyes or whatever if that offends you. Life has been a shit storm lately. I’m not telling you this because I want sympathy or anything like that. I’m just spelling it out.

Samantha did move to Maui. I still don’t know the words to say that would properly convey my feelings about this. I’m insanely proud of her and Orlando for just doing what their hearts told them to. Find new beginnings. Make new memories in new places without constant reminders of their pain. I know that a lot of people in my world don’t see it that way, but I think that being mad or upset with them for going is selfish and mean. They lost their baby. And for them every place they go here in Dallas sparks some memory made with Ethan before he passed. Which is comforting to some degree, but it just keeps the wound open just enough where it refuses to heal. They weren’t happy. There was pressure on them to have another baby. Again, not fair for anyone else to tell them that having another child would make them happy again. Ethan cannot be replaced. And implying that getting pregnant will fix everything is pretty much setting the groundwork for the thought that he could be replaced. That’s an unfair position to put them in. They will have another baby if and when the time is right for them. In the meantime, they’re enjoying their once in a lifetime opportunity to dive in headfirst. Do what feels right and live their lives for themselves. Sam and Orlando aren’t anybody’s parents. They owe nothing to anyone. So hostility about their choice to leave doesn’t set well with me. At all. And I won’t hear it. Yeah, I’m sad because Sam and I are really close. While moving to Hawaii with them sounds like a fantastic idea, truth be told I couldn’t even afford to have my car put on the ferry over there at this point. I have to get my crap together because the crap that I’ve allowed to weigh me down for so long is doing just that. Weighing me down. Making every move painful and stress filled. I had decided in my head to follow Sam and Orlando’s lead and do what I needed to do for me. But I guess the universe wasn’t aligned with my thought process and now I have to reevaluate. I guess certain things just weren’t meant to be right now.

Long story short…I’m proud of Samantha and Orlando for following their hearts. Taking the time to heal. Gaining distance from the pressures that only add stress to their already heavy hearts. Unfairly.

I asked last week for prayers for my friend BJ Reynolds. He was in bad shape. I won’t get into the specifics, but he had to be put into a coma and had brain swelling and a whole bunch of stuff that was awful. I went to the hospital last Tuesday to see him and it will forever be etched in my brain. I got a text saying that BJ passed away around 7:15 on Thursday night. That just so happened to be during the Concert for Kidd’s Kids. Bad timing to say the least. I called his dad immediately after I got the text just to hear his voice. I know he’s not OK. I know that he doesn’t care how sorry I am that I wasn’t there at the hospital when it happened. He told me the one thing that I’ve talked about not wanting to hear before. He’s in a better place. But it’s different this time. BJ really is in a better, pain free place. He’s struggled so much over the last 4 years and was living on life support, sustaining more brain damage every day. Had he been able to sustain his own life, he would have been a vegetable. He’s not that guy. So for the first time I truly do believe that he is in a better place. He will be missed by me and many others, but thank goodness BJ’s family has a super awesome support system to help lift them up. I’m so proud to be able to call BK, his dad Jerry, ad step-mom Kelly my friends. And as of last week, my two newest heroes.

Strength can be hard to find sometimes. Some of us can lie in bed for a week because we got dumped by a boyfriend of a month. Or because we didn’t get the promotion or pay raise at work. But to have to plan memorial services for your child is the ultimate in down. I’ve had to see my sister and brother-in-law do it. They both know how highly I hold them in regard. And now BJ’s parents fit in that same category. Jerry told me that he felt OK leaving the hospital when I was there visiting BJ in times past because he was my bud. If you don’t know BJ, here’s how I describe him. He’s kind of the brother I never had. We would call each other names and he took drunken videos of me saying inappropriate things. I didn’t worry about them because I trusted him 100%. I told Jerry and Kelly that I knew that if I had driven 45 minutes away to go out, got drunk, called BJ at 4AM and asked him to come pick me up 45 minutes away…he would do it. No questions asked. And he wouldn’t try to take advantage of my drunk lightweight ass. He was just that guy. Those kinds of people don’t cross my path very often. So I feel blessed to have been able to call him my friend and now I’m just as proud to call his parents my heroes.

Amber has been my rock through all of this.  And I know that’s been hard on her because we live so far away from each other. But she has been by my side, wiped my snot, dried my tears, and made me get up and do something. She wasn’t going to allow me to fall into the hole that I did when my Ethan passed away. I would do the same for her, but that’s always been me. I am a caretaker. I’ve not been one to allow anyone else to hold me up when all I wanted to do was fall. But I let it happen with her and I think that God is smiling down on her for being able to withstand my weight.

On a lighter note, what do you guys think of the show? Constructive words, please. What do you love about it? What could be better? Please don’t take this as an opportunity to be rude or hateful because I will just delete your post. Please give an honest answer of what you think needs to happen in order to keep KKITM alive in a fashion that Kidd would be proud to have his name on.

Thanks for reading.

Shanon

It's been a while...and a lot has happened

This is another one of those things where I don't know what to say. There's no right place to start. I've known Kidd my entire adult life. He started on the radio in Dallas in 1984 or 86. I was either 3 or 5 years old. So basically I've at least known of him my whole life.  He was not only my boss, but also like a dad to me. He taught me everything I know in the only skill I truly have. But it goes deeper than that. He has offered support to me at times I needed it the most. He taught me that celebrities are human, too. He cried with me when we lost Ethan. He had compassion that I never expected from a guy I grew up listening to. In one form or fashion, Kidd has been part of my world for most of my life. He and Kellie were my heroes. I was that person who would email and ask to just come watch the show. I never got a reply, but it meant so much just to express my admiration for them and the work they did. It was my dream to produce for Kidd and I did that. I got to be Kidd's extra set of hands. I learned his brain and I can tell you the man was brilliant. He was a perfectionist to a fault. When it came to this show and serving our listeners, satisfaction was impossible. Which can be tough at times when all you want to do is please the guy you've looked up to for so long. I believe that Kidd played an enormous role in molding me into the person I've become. I don't know if that's anything he would brag about, but I think I've come a long way in the past 14 years. I've seen the work that goes into all of the giving that Kidd has done. I know that the perfection he demanded was because he wanted to make the world a better place. He was tireless in putting together a staff who shared in his vision. We all fed off of his enthusiasm. I know that I went from a selfish 17 year old girl to one of his "go-to" girls. I learned to want to give to others. I learned to love. I was given the chance to form relationships that never would have otherwise happened. To think that Kidd brought people unlike anyone else into my life is something I will be forever grateful for. Kellie Rasberry has been a hero of mine for as long as I can remember and now she's more than that. I can say that I truly love most of my co-workers. Some of them haven't been there very long, so saying that I love them is a lie. Kidd would be pretty pissed if I lied about that. 

As in every relationship, we had our ups and downs. We're human. That man knew my buttons and took no shame in pushing them. But he also knew when I needed a hug and to hear "I love you, Shanon." Kidd was always a girly man with emotions both on and off the air. Like I said we did have a couple good cries together. But he also showed me a world I would have never seen otherwise. He taught me to lighten up a little bit. If you knew me in my younger years, you know what a big deal that is. I've always been one to internalize stress. Let it build up and consume me to the point of daily migraines. That's no way to live! So when I turned 17 and started in radio, I learned to laugh. I learned to accept the good with the bad. And you know what? Sometimes you could take the bad and make a bit out of it. Sometimes those bits end with you being detained by the police. I would have never been in the back of a cop car had it not been for Kidd Kraddick. 

Kidd personified perfectionism when it came to Kidd's Kids and KKITM. To the point that I would walk out of that studio some days and just bawl because I didn't want to let him down. Some days I would cuss  him the whole ride home. It's usually been a pretty short drive. For a few months it was a longer drive. And some of those I won't forget. 

Like when Taylor Swift was in town. The DAY OF the show Kidd tells me he wants an interview with her. Really?? I'm supposed to just pull back stage access with recording approval three hours before she takes stage out of my ass? Kidd's answer was yes. Get it done. So I did. I had Ethan that day. He didn't need no stinkin' shoes to meet Taylor Swift!! So I loaded him up in the car, called Kidd, and off we went to the American Airlines Center in Dallas. If you've ever been in the car with Kidd, you know he's that guy who swears he knows where he's going, but in the end will be late because he sucked at directions and got lost whenever something shiny would distract him. Impossible. But we got it done. Little Ethan in a stroller sitting there while Kidd was the only area jock to interview her. And I made it happen. And he was happy. So I was proud. Stressed beyond words, but still proud. 

Then there was Ben Folds. Kidd's idol. And Ben came to town for a show and Kidd wanted him in studio. But it's freaking Ben Folds! He only plays one brand of baby grand piano. Which we weren't gonna pay to rent, have delivered, or tuned. Or picked up. From our studio with average width doors. That sits below street level. But we made it happen. Ben came in and once again Kidd was happy. So I was proud. 

I could get into the times we completely blew the opportunity to break an artist. The record label BEGGED us to debut "I Kissed a Girl." Kidd wasn't into it. Or Lady Gaga. But he did give in when I gave him Justin Bieber. Thank goodness. There were just so many high five moments that we shared along with probably just as many I wanna punch you in the throat moments.

To say that I have no idea where this life is going to take me next is an understatement. I don't know. I know that I'm still surrounded by talented people who have been around way longer than me. And I think J-Si is meant to host a show. Honestly, we get each other.  Someone sent me a message that said that the dynamics between Kellie and me makes them feel like they're listening to genuine best friends. Since I'm rarely on air anymore, that meant a lot to me. 

We had a meeting yesterday to try and figure out where we go from here. And as far as I am concerned, I don't know. I feel like I was Kidd's right hand man. I got him. I could tell what direction he was going with a bit before being told. I could write in a way that he was comfortable with reading my stuff verbatim. Or reading none of it cuz I sucked that day. It happens. 

When I first started with the show, Kidd's Kids was already a big deal, but it was still growing. And honestly I probably would have just been in the way had I gone on the trips. But I wanted to so bad. I wanted to see Kidd's vision come true. And the year for me to go on the trip finally came. I was excited and terrified all at once. It is an experience unlike anything else. Exhausting is putting it lightly. It's emotionally draining from one extreme to the other. I remember getting on the bus from the airport and immediately bonding with Emma Elizondo. She sat in my lap and made me feel like I was where I was supposed to be. Another moment I will never forget. Most people expect the trip to be kind of a sad thing. A big group of people moping around Disney World because of their less than ideal situation. That's not the case at all. Of course there are moments of happy tears. And yeah a few sad ones. But I've learned first hand that the trip is life changing for those kids and their families. I've become pretty close to a few families and I can tell the impact of the trip by their enthusiasm to support Kidd's Kids and ensuring that the trips continue to go on. No matter what happens with any of us. 

The fact that we have been able to devote one single 4 hour show per year to raising money for that years trip is huge. What makes it huge is that you guys put your faith in Kidd and us and the organization and somehow donate almost a half million dollars every single year. And I do not doubt that Kidd's reputation was the reason for the trust in giving your money. But it goes beyond that. Like I said earlier, a big part of overall success is surrounding yourself with people who share and support your passion. If there is any skill I could say that Kidd was brilliant at...outside of his on-air skills, that would be it. He put together a rock solid crew of people who work their asses off to make that man proud. I feel like it's important to give credit to those people because, at the end of the day, all of us banded together were a big part of Kidd's success. 

Kellie Rasberry is truly unlike anyone else. Seriously. She keeps you on your feet in conversation. She's witty and funny and insanely talented on the mic. But off the mic, her greatness continues. She is sort of the conscience of what happens in the studio. She's not afraid to say that a topic of conversation needs to end. She's got a 6 year old, so she can walk a mile in parents shoes and be the gatekeeper for right and wrong. And to be able to stand up to Kidd took gall. She's got it. She's the epitome of the talent I wish I could be. She makes me want more for myself. She's my hero. 

Big Al Mack. His story is a lot like mine in the fact that we've not played the typical radio game of getting hired and fired and moving to every small town station that would hire us. We both started with Kidd. And it's not lost on either of us that we've been really lucky in that area. Big Al has a heart of gold. Seriously. When he remembers to use it. If his head was on par with his heart, he would be unstoppable. But it's not. He forgets stuff five minutes after it crosses his  mind. Which is admirable In the sense that he's not that guy who holds a grudge. I've done stuff that he should have been really upset with me for. But he shows me that happiness comes with the ability to let it go. Why fill your heart with wasted energy. His sense of joy in life is one that I admire. He gives it up for the show. He's just a great guy. 

J-Si Chavez is what I consider to be a real man. He's true. He will cry when he needs to. When I see him with his son, Cason, it makes me truly happy. He and Kinsey are doing everything right. I seriously believe that. J-Si is a talent that's going to just explode one day. Seriously. His stories are ones that people want to hear. He's compassionate and just has a spirit that cannot be matched. I feel like I've kind of gotten to watch him grow up. Even though I'm really not that much older than him. If I need to talk to someone in confidence, I can go to him and trust in that. I cannot say that I trust many people in that way. Especially guys. But I love him, Kinsey, and Cason like they're my family. Mostly because they are. 

I could go on and on about the rest of the staff. Of course I believe that I'm the absolute best at what I do. That's not arrogance. It's fact. I'd have been fired a long time ago had Kidd not agreed with that. 

You've got Jenna who keeps up with celeb gossip. Kellie does the same. And she's a celebrity apologist. So she brings those stories and does a beautiful job of making it personal to her. That takes skill and she's got it. 

The big bosses have held it together this past week in an effort to make Kidd proud. You know he took some headphones up into heaven with  Him to listen to last Mondays show. I hope he was proud. White Cheddar is the go to guy with ideas and planning and doing production that fits. Rob Chickering has told us all that we can only do our best in all of this. And yeah we are probably going to screw it up. But what is the right way to handle it when you've suddenly lost your leader? We are all trying our best to continue to build Kidd's legacy of greatness to the best of our ability. George Laughlin is the fearless CEO with the biggest job in trying to keep it all together. And the production crew is at the top of their game. Greggles and Trey bust ass every single day to give us the best audio for the show. Nick Adams is the man behind KiddTV. He's grown leaps and bounds since he first started and is another one I'm proud to watch grow. Dominique Williams has put together our website. And I can tell you with 100% honesty that it's not an easy task. Kidd made no secret about his love for technology and he rode Dominique until she have him exactly what he wanted. Greg Jake manages our affiliate stations and I cannot even pretend to know everything he's been dealing with in the past week. Russface is the social media guru and marketing guy. He gets his job done with russface in tact the while time. Lacey has been on the phones. She's been a sounding board for listeners who wanted to send condolences and share their stories. I'm sure that's draining. But she gets it done and comes to check on me at the end of the day. 

I know I'm not including everyone. But there are currently people in the office who could be bath salt face eaters and I wouldn't know it. I can't really specifically praise what I don't know. So to those guys I say great job on whatever it is you guys do. I still want to jack their fancy computers.

I know this isn't all about Kidd, but I feel like we are extensions of him. I was so touched when his brother, Gary, pulled me aside to thank ME for being a huge part of Kidd's success. That's a huge compliment to me. Kidd's brother Lynn is supposed to be texting me at some point so we can stay in touch, but I'm still waiting. I know without a doubt that Kidd is smiling down on and beyond proud of his daughter Caroline. She is a first class young woman. The service we went to yesterday was beautiful. I know it wasn't an easy task in planning the memorial of Kidd. But that girl did it and she did it well. I've not gotten to spend a lot of time with Caroline. She's kind of a big deal and stays busy. But I don't need countless hours spent with her to be proud of her. She's got the eloquence beyond anything I've ever witnessed. I'm so so proud to know her and know that she will certainly do her part to keep Kidd alive. 

This sucks. There's no way to sugar coat it. And as in every situation like this... People say "he's in a better place now" or "at least he's in no pain." When it comes to me, I say keep that stuff to yourself. I know intentions are good and that is appreciated very much. But like Kellie said on Mondays show...he didn't suffer. There wasn't a long painful experience he went through. And while I know he's in heaven...hopefully holding hands with my Ethan and reminding him of the love I have for him and how badly I miss him...Kidd was fine here. He made lives better just by talking. He changed the world as I know it with some once in a lifetime experiences. He touched thousands of families with chronically and terminally I'll kids. His skills as an entrepreneur were beyond words. He was innovative and wouldn't let the fear of the unknown stop him. He embraced who he was and found a way to use those things to make memories for all of us. Who else do you know that would go on And on about being short enough to need a booster box? That's just who he was. I never have not will I ever again meet another man like him. I've been so blessed to have him in my life personally and professionally. I have no question about that. And in the past few days I've realized the impact that I made on Kidd's life. Apparently he talked to his family and friends about me because many of them had a lot to say to me about conversations he had with them. That's the biggest compliment ever. Kidd was happy with and loved me. 

And that makes me proud. 

Here's one of my favorite pics of the show from our Battle of the Sexes cooking competition. And the bottom one is my Ethan backstage while Kidd interviewed Taylor Swift. And please forgive my typos. THis blog wasn't exactly an easy one to write.