GRAPHIC PICS!!

I figured I should at least share a couple pics. The top one is post surgical scrub junk. I am so seriously nauseated. The second os from the day before. Apparently I'm a dyslexic uploader. Sorry.

And some other random stuff.

It’s odd to me how people get so excited about a Facebook friend sweep. Really people. It’s just Facebook for crying out loud. It’s not like you’re going to be blood brothers just because you’re FB friends. And then they get on and post about how lucky you are if you survived the cut. Go ahead and unfriend me if you want to. It’s really OK. I know that there is a life outside of the number of FB friends I have.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/erinlarosa/10-people-its-time-to-unfriend-on-facebook

At the same time, though, is there anything more upsetting than when someone denies your friend request? It’s like a punch in the gut because it IS just FB. And you’re not worthy of that one simple click of the mouse? That’s rejection at it’s finest and I don’t appreciate it.

And now onto Valentine's Day. 

Days like Valentine’s Day can almost be considered traumatizing. It’s like a giant slap in the face for us losers who just can’t seem to make a relationship work. And you look around at the other people in this world who do have a significant other and all you can s ay is WTF? There’s got to be some ulterior motive behind some people being together. Like the seriously unattractive person hooked up with a hottie. WTF? Or the former convict who needs a ride down to the courthouse and her man is happy to be that person. WTF. I’m just not going to think about it because it makes me almost suicidal. Seriously. So I choose to be oblivious.

The 5 Worst Relationships on Valentine's Day

1. The OK Cupid Relationship

Online dating sites are responsible for tons of successful relationships. Most of my friends have met their significant others on OK Cupid or Match or Tinder (but seriously, if you met on Tinder, don't tell anyone). All of the success is good and well, but odds are you'll simply force yourself to go on multiple dates with someone just because they are normal compared to the sea of weirdos who flood your inbox. Example: Last time I used OK Cupid, the following was one of the messages in my inbox: "Hello! I'd like to get to know you. This morning I lapped milk from a bowl like a kitten, but that was the most interesting thing I did today. What about you?" Taking that winning intro into consideration, along with screen names like "blackmeat84" and "want4u2luvme," pretty much anyone on a dating website with a job, basic hygiene and common manners seems worthy of a second date. DON'T DO IT. Especially not on Valentine's Day. You'll trick yourself into liking someone just because they're OK with Cupid (get it?). That, or you'll have a stage five clinger on your hands come February 15th. Trust me, newfound online interests are pretty much the worst things in which to involve yourself on Valentine's Day. Do yourself a favor and avoid the awkwardness by pretending you didn't see their text.

2. The Ex Relationship

Ending a relationship shortly before Valentine's Day makes February 14th switch from being a hokey Hallmark holiday to a distressing evening that you spend imagining your former loved one cuddled up to a desperate wannabe. Or just a nice girl whom you can't help but hate. But she's probably awful. Anyways, I think the only month during which you should be allowed to break up with someone is May. That way, you have the whole summer to get over the person -- and you're naturally happier when you aren't a winter hermit. By the time February arrives, ex who? Really, at all costs, avoid breaking up with someone November 1 - February 13. It's just not worth it.

3. The Frielashionship

A friend-relationship mash up is just the definition of complicated in February. Odds are, one person likes the other way more seriously than the other likes them. Two years ago, I learned the hard way that I can't just ignore the signs that a male friend likes me and expect him to act like a normal person on Valentine's Day. I got a red heart-shaped vase with two dozen roses delivered to my apartment. First of all, kudos to the delivery guy who climbed the six flights of stairs leading to my old walk-up in Manhattan. Secondly, what was I supposed to say to my friend? "Thanks for the flowers, but I'd rather be single than date you -- isn't it obvious?" I mean, there's really no good response. I said "thanks for the flowers," and then never saw him again. We clearly weren't the best of friends, but still -- Valentine's Day will surely ruin any sign of friendship with someone who wants to be more, so go ahead and clear all of that up before February 14th. Rip off the Band-Aid.

4. The Imaginary Relationship

No better day than Valentine's Day to remind you that this relationship is 100% in your head. Snap out of it! I don't care if this is an office crush, a celebrity obsession or your second cousin. You don't have a chance of ever feeling their perfect arms that you've creepily studied wrap around you. They are not subtly flirting, they aren't playing hard to get and they don't wish you'd make a move. Get your mind in check before Valentine's Day so that you don't suffer a pseudo-broken heart. Particularly if this person already has a special somebody... no relationship is worse than the one where you can't accept the truth. Pull yourself together!

5. The Undefined Relationship

An undefined relationship is generally not a lasting relationship. Take it from me. If you've been "together" for months and he still refuses to call you his girlfriend, then you're in for some emotional trauma. Ben & Jerry better be waiting in your freezer, because they are the only men who will make plans with you on Valentine's Day. If someone has a fear of commitment, Valentine's Day is sure to ensue panic. They'd rather jump in a pool of snakes than take part in this loaded date night, so you might want to call a spade a spade before their disappearance surprises you (which it shouldn't).

Godspeed, and Happy Valentine's Day!

Cosmo list and no more Kelly Clarkson

My head is so full of stuff it might explode. I have no one on standby to clean up such a large spillage (because my brain is big, duh), so I gotta get some of it out. So I've taken the Cosmo list of ways to make your man happy and commented on them. Cuz I know what makes men happy, right? I really don't. But as a girl who probably thinks a lot like a dude, I can comment on the list.

COSMO’S 30 WAYS TO PLEASE A MAN

1.Buy him candles. Guys don’t buy them for themselves, but nobody wants to stink like single boy all the time. So take care of it for him. 

2.Tell him what you’re thinking. Really Cosmo? Isn’t it easier to just say nothing, pout about it, and leave him guessing? Most of the time honesty will just lead to a fight, so shouldn’t women just suck it up and accept the fact that no matter what our reaction, a man’s gonna do what a man’s gonna do?

3.Wash his car. Again…Really? Are we talking about dudes without arms and hands to wash his own dang car? Doesn’t being able to take care of his ride emasculate the man? Women already do everything else, so washing his car seems to be taking “serving your man” just a little far.

4.Watch baseball with him. What’s more annoying than that poser sports fan girl who goes to sports bars just to look cute in the jersey reaping the player they’ve never heard of? What guy wants to have to entertain his girl while he watches sports? Maybe Cosmo hired an idiot to write this. 

5.Bake home made cookies. Yes Cosmo Because we don’t go to work every day. Or deal with kids. We don’t want to curl up in a ball and cry once a month. Nope. We’ve got nothing better to do than bake your stupid cookies. They’re just gonna contribute to the belly fat you always complain about. Shut it, Cosmo. 

6.Order pizza. FINALLY something realistic. Maybe while you’re waiting for the pizza delivery man to come you can wash his car and bake him cookies. 

7.Play video games with him. Men have man caves for a reason. Yes. Some nerds like gamer girls. There’s nothing wrong with that. But your average woman does not want to sit and play your stupid Madden game with you all weekend long. Be real, guys. You don’t want this…

8.Teach him a new recipe. Ever heard of Google, Cosmo? If he wants to cook, have him look up a recipe and do it. Let the woman sit down and be served for a change. Does Cosmo truly hate women?

9.Pretend you care about what he’s talking about. So, basically lie. Look him in the eye, smile, laugh, and pretend to listen while you’ve really got your to-do list going through your head. 

10.         Make his bed. It’s HIS bed. Compare the time it takes for a woman to get ready in the morning versus the time it takes a guy. It makes no sense for a guy to expect for his woman to make his bed in the morning. Stupid cosmo.

11.         Put air in his tires. Yeah, maybe the days of chivalry are over if a man expects his woman to wash his car and check the tire pressure while she’s at it. Here’s a thought. That’s what mechanic guys are for. If you need air in your tires, go get it at the gas station, guys. Or go do whatever people do to keep their tires intact.  

12.         Watch movies with him EVEN if you hate it. And you KNOW you’re gonna get the same in return. Relationships are give and take, right??What a load of crap, Cosmo.

13.         Take him fishing. What’s romantic about hooking live worms to catch disgusting fish…some of which can hurt you…and then cut it up to eat? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. 

14.         Throw his laundry in with yours. Finally something that makes a little bit of sense. Save yourself from your man turning all of your stuff into pink colored clothes. Kill two birds with one stone. Make him think you’re sweet, but it’s really kind of saving yourself. 

15.         Get into a TV show with him. What’s this??? Two reasonable suggestions in a row? Did they fire the first idiot who wrote numbers 1-13 and hire someone who gives a crap???

16.         Buy him clothes. As a girl, I know I wouldn’t want any dude buying me clothes. Like Big Al’s obsession with giving me panties. And knowing how big my butt and waist are in his vanity glasses covered eyes. Is it the same for guys? Is it an insult to his current wardrobe if you show up with a bunch of brand new clothes for him, is he gonna take it as an insult??

17.         Don’t complain about the remotes. Yeah, I guess. Unless he never hands them over so you can watch what YOU want to. Technology is complicated and we all know that those universal remotes never work. So deal with having three remotes to deal with and move on.

18.         Have a homemade taco night. Random much? Why not tilapia night? Or spagetti night? Why the specific taco night? I’m confused. 

19.         Get him a deep fryer. Isn’t it your dream to go over to your mans place to the smell of 200 degree grease frying up those pickles that go straight to your hips? And then he finds you less attractive and blah, blah, blah. This one is pretty stupid if you ask me. 

20.         Organize his sock drawer. I’m starting to think that Cosmo sees women more as a mans maid than significant other. Goodness knows you have nothing better to do than order the socks that soak up his sweat and smell delicious. 

21.         Make coffee and give it to him in bed. AHHHHHHHHHHH. This is officially ticking me off. Where’s the part in all this where he gives something? Pour your own dang cup of coffee. Get your butt out of bed and brush your stinky teeth. Go pee and wash your hands. Kiss your woman and THEN go get some coffee. 

22.         Tell him he’s special. Stroke his ego. Put yourself aside and make him feel like the God that Cosmo apparently wants your man to be. 

23.         Compliment his facial hair. Just forget about the rash you get on your face when you kiss him. Learn to spit out the beard and mustache hairs that get caught in your mouth because he has an unkept face.

24.         Bring him a burrito. And I’m fairly certain that you’re expected to feed it to him so that he has to do nothing more than chew what you put in his mouth. I cannot STAND boys. 

25.         Bring him two burritos. Yes. Spend your lunch break taking him burritos because he’s obviously incapable of sustaining life by getting his own meals. 

26.         Tell him you have a work party…then tell him he doesn’t have to go with you. Heave forbid your man show some support for you? Heaven forbid that he reciprocate your doing things even if you don’t want to. 

27.         Trade back massages…but let him receive first. Men aren’t selfish at all. You know that after your neck rub makes him all relaxed and sleepy he’s gonna get up and give you a massage to ease your stress. Honestly, giving him a massage first is setting yourself up for failure, laides. 

28.         Get a storage drawer for your accessories. For all you ladies who take your earrings off and then just toss them on the floor…

29.         Grill every night for a week. Steak for a week straight. Because nothing spells romance like bloody, red meat and the smell that sticks with you like fajitas in a mexican resturaunt.

30.         Take him to see his favorite band. As long as it’s not Nickelback. In fact if Nickelback is his favorite band, call it a deal breaker and dump his ass.

Also, if you want to know who has replaced Kelly Clarkson as my celebrity crush, I will tell you now. It's Sara Quin. Or Tegan Quin. It's super hard for me to admit defeat, but Kelly is pregnant and still hasn't called or emailed in spite of having my info. So maybe it's time to move on. It hurts me deeply to say this, but it's what I must do. I feel like Tegan and Sara and I would get long brilliantly. Seriously. I've watched their performances and the stories they share and I'm like DANG. I could so be one of them if I had any singing or song writing talent. I won't launch a full on effort to talk to them or whatever. I'm leaving it up to Jesus, God, and Teddy Bears. If it's meant to be it will be. If not, well, I just add them to my list of let downs, which so far includes Kelly Clarkson. So if you're friends with them or in their fan club, help a sister out. I promise to pay you back in the form of some craft I make. 

Thanks in advance!

Shanon

2014 Grammy's

My thoughts on the 2014 Grammy Awards

Grammy stuff

Beyonce is friggin hot. It’s funny how she and Jay-Z kept everything so hush hush, but I felt the need to tell them to get a room while they were on stage together.

What in the crap was on Lorde’s nails? It looked like she was having convulsions on stage. Is it considered art to seem high as a kite and unable to control your body?

Hunter Hayes songs sound great from the studio, but live…he’s terrible. I’ve yet to see him sound good live.

Daft Punk- WTF is up with the helmets? It’s pretty dumb.

Katy Perry- I don’t know what to say. I love you. I’m physically attracted to you. I don’t understand why you’re with John Mayer, but whatever keeps you hot and making kick a** music is fine with me. You can bring your dancing pole over to my apartment anytime.

Chicago and Robin Thicke- I would much rather see bumping and grinding to your songs that those guys whose plastic surgery is as old as you are on the stage. I feel cheated with your performance. You’re gonna need a do-over.

I strongly dislike Ellen K.

Keith Urban is a pretty, pretty man. If he likes red-heads, I’d like him to dump Nicole Kidman and marry Kellie Rasberry. I don’t know who the guy in the hat is who’s singing with you, but I don’t like him. He’s boring. You had to punch him in the arm to get any kind of emotion from him. That’s just dumb.

John Legend- Love you and the song, but I can’t stand Ellen K. Since she immediately followed you, that’s what I remember. How lame she is. Sorry.

Why are all the nominees for best rock album old guys? Because rock stuff now SUCKS. That’s why I don’t listen to it. Because it sucks.

I bet Taylor Swift’s cell number is nowhere to be found in LL Cool J’s phone.

Taylor Swift sounds really great live , but the headbanging thing doesn’t work for her. I’m always gonna like her because she was so nice when I met her.

Pink. Awesome. Hot. I’d be happy to see her touch the ground occasionally.  And the guy from Fun with a period looks DUMB with that mustache.

Lorde- thank you for seeming a little less strung out during your acceptance speech

Ozzy meltdown on stage? Was it the sunglasses keeping him from reading the screen?

Ringo Starr reminds me of the singer guy in Love Actually. Except I like the guy in Love Actually better.

The best part of Imagine Dragons was Kendrick Lamar. But they keep coming back to this dang Radiactive song.

Kacey Musgraves must be shaking in her dang Christmas lit up boots having to follow Kendrick Lamar with Imagine Dragons on back up vocals and drums.

What’s worse than Paul McCartney taking up valuable Grammy performance time? Paul McCartney doing stuff from the new album.

Seeing Yoko Ono dancing might have made about :07 of this tolerable

Bruno Mars is pretty dang cute. But his Cowboy clothes look is dumb.

This backstage twitter crap is just that. Crap.

I never have understood Willie Nelson. Now I can say I don’t get Chris Christopherson, either. There’s a new generation of country superstars. So let’s let those who require oxygen tanks to stay home and WATCH the Grammy’s.

I’m officially going to say this on the record. I would like to battle Willie Nelson in a sing off. I might actually win.

Kacey Musgraves is pretty gorgeous. I’ve loved her work with JAB…glad to see she’s kicking some booty on her own now.

Is it wrong to refer to Neil Patrick Harris as the man whore of awards shows?

Stevie Wonder actually puts some energy into what he’s doing. So I can deal with him.  That performance was actually pretty dang great.

I’m OK with not hearing Cyndi Lauper talk very often.

I feel partially responsible for Sara Bareilles’ success. I convinced Kidd to let me book her before “Love Song” was a huge hit. This Brave song is greatness. I know Carol King is a legend or whatever, but she doesn’t belong on the stage with Sara. Sara outsings her by miles!!!

Do you think Lorde still dreams of driving a Cadillac?

Jared Leto is a very pretty man, too.

I used to be terrified of the lead singer for Metallica. He scared the crap out of me. Now he’s cut his hair and isn’t near what I remember. I’m not scared anymore. Even if he is still kind of angry sounding. That piano guy looks way too happy for this angry song.

How long is this show going to be on?

You think in 20 years Justin Bieber will be on that stage as a classic, never to be forgotten artist?

Steven Tyler might have been a tad awkward up there, but he’s such a friggin nice guy. I can’t say a bad word about him.

Daft Punk needs to figure out some method of winning an award other than just standing there wasting my damn time.

Hello Queen Latifah. Is this where she comes out of the closet? Follow in Jodie Foster’s footsteps???

Perhaps I’m biased, but I believe that Macklemore sets the bar for artists these days.

I thought Queen Latifah would get married. This is freaking awesome. I don’t know I feel about Madonna’s outfit, but it’s cool to see her there as part of this.

I'm exhausting...

I think it's been a while. I'm too lazy to look at the date of my last post. But I feel like it's been a bit.

So. I wish that I had some groundbreaking something or another to tell you about. I really don't. I'm as sick of writing about feeling like poo as you probably are reading about it. So I will keep it short. Tomorrow I go in for some test that's supposed to make me want to throw up. It's to find out why I throw up. Needless to say I'm not looking forward to it.

It's so strange how much life has changed in the past three months. I am insanely blessed to be on the road to recovery. And to have health insurance. I cannot imagine how much the stress of not having it would be getting to me right now. So God...and Kidd...THANK YOU.

I'm still at mom and dads house on the elevated twin sized bed. My head is still not totally healed from the incision, so hair washing has become quite the luxury. Thank goodness for dry shampoo, right? I'm starting to think that I have too much time on my hands to think about how I feel. I need to get back into some kind of routine. So I'm hoping that the neurosurgeon has a medical release form ready for me to pick up tomorrow when I go to the hospital for this test.

I guess I'm one of those people who needs a purpose. I don't feel like I really have that right now. To go from full throttle Kidd's Kids mode to this is a far jump. And not a jump in the right direction. I just couldn't risk being a detriment to the show with my slow brain and hands. I need to get my confidence back. Maybe I will even work towards cockiness. Probably not, but the thought is cool. Life isn't waiting for me to feel better, so it's time to suck it up and move on.

I've had some pretty deep thought processes in all of my spare time. I will share some of them with you now. I'm going to end on the pointless one.

First off I catch myself being really bitter. As I've said before I've tried to be a good person and help others and set a good example for anyone who chose to follow mine. I've gotten pretty angry when I've thought about the sh*t people in this world and how little effort they put into their lives and, from my experience, their lives seem to be decent. Not saying that I don't have a decent life because I do. I'm just being a puss right now and I'm kinda hoping that sharing it with all of you who either agree or disagree and choose to spend your time telling me how screwed up my thoughts are can shed some light on the reality of life.

I keep a journal that no one has gotten to even look at before. It's EVERYTHING that I think about. Good and bad and everything in between. I got the chance to write in it a lot lately (although it might not be legible) to kind of just get it all out. Here's a tiny little peek into what I wrote.

How many chances in this world do drug addicts get to rehabilitate themselves and move on with life? How are child molestors who are married to people who know about their spouses sick acts given that chance? Why do people believe compulsive liars? Why do compulsive liars have such a sense of entitlement that they waste peoples time with the lies? What defines family? Are you obligated to forgive people just because somewhere there's some tie in your blood line? If someone screws you over time after time after time and then expects you to just move on and forget their wrong doings, does it make you weak to tell them no?

Those are just some of the topics I hit on. I can't get into the why's and how's and all that, but maybe the surgery isn't what gives me headaches...maybe it's my thoughts.

I look at the world around me and it boggles my mind sometimes.  That makes me no different than everyone else though. Don't we all overthink stuff and things and people and relationships? Somebody PLEASE tell me yes so I don't feel like the only over thinker here.

I posted something yesterday I think about stuff to look for in the person you marry. Some people hated on it (of course). I was looking at the comments earlier and there was one that stuck out to me. Someone wrote that you should be with someone who you look over at when you wake up first thing in the morning and you know that they think you are beautiful. I've never been married. I've never even had a relationship last more than 3 years. But when I do get married, it will be to someone I feel beautiful with. No question. No matter how you feel about your messy hair and stinky breath...you know that they accept it. And even more they look forward to kissing that stinky breath. We are all so conscious about ourselves (except for the sucky people who SHOULD be self-conscious) ...is it so wrong to make it necessary to have someone who sees in you what you might not always see in yourself? There are some negotiables, but in my opinion, this is not one of them.

Life is so full of questions and stressors and all the other stuff that I can't think of right now. In my opinion, the way that your spouse sees you should never be one of those questions. So I steal that from the person who made the comment and add it to the list that also wasn't mine and tell everyone to make it so....

On a much less meaningful note, I was overanalyzing the Cody Simpson song "Pretty Brown Eyes" earlier. If he can walk up to a lady and say "Hey there pretty brown eyes...whatchu doing later tonight..." and it work, why doesn't my line of "hey pretty lady" work? I could be someone's wave to surf or whatever he says. Is it because I don't have an accent? Do I need to become a lesbian who looks like Justin Bieber to have a successful line? I don't find lesbians who could be mistaken for Justin Bieber or any other man for that matter to be attractive, so am I just screwed when it comes to using a line? Dang it. Why have I given a Cody Simpson song so much thought and attention? He's not even had a big hit here.

I think I just gave myself another headache, so I won't even get into my current imaginary fight that Kelly Clarkson and I are having. Let's just say that in my head, I'm winning.

With that, I'm gonna go blow my nose and prepare for tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Wanna see my scar and scab? And more?

OK I linked this because I know that not everyone would want to see it. You guys saw my head back when it had stitches and staples holding it together. This is what it looks like now on January 7. Yes, I know that I have a LOT of gray hair. I always have. Thats why I depend on Kelli Stewart to keep me looking young.

I did get the lab results back from the endocrinologist today. My 7 vials of blood drawn were all fine. So that's a plus. But that still leaves the question of why nothing stays in my stomach unless I'm high on Phenergan? And even with it, I still throw up. Is it something with a fluid build up in my ears? I have an ENT appt tomorrow. Is it a gastro problem? Who the heck knows. Is my brain just still super pissed because they removed a part of it that had been there for so long? My brain is a girl, and you know that once you make us mad, it takes a lot for us to get over it. My brain has been doing no sweet talking and has given me no pretty gifts, so there's a chance that it's all just from having my head innards picked at. I guess I can also show pics of the tumor itself. I will scroll down and post. Here's your chance to click out. I'm telling you. It's blood and tumors and literally the inside of my head.

















My head January 7, 2014. I know it's not pretty, but it's my reality. And this reality itches and hurts like a beeyotch at times.

The next ones are from during the surgery. They are graphic. You have been warned.

Here's the tumor inside my brain still. It looks like a pearl or something. It's not. It's a tumor.

This is towards the end when they put a titanium rod in there to fill the space they drilled out I guess. 

Here's the "mesh"covering up the rod. 

 Here are the pieces they picked out. I got lucky because Dr. Morgan figured out that if they changed the angle they went in my head, they could get a good chunk out of it at once. The less they mess around in there, the less chance of complications. So here it is in chunks.

 And here's a closer pic of a piece of it. I'm not sure who's holding it. Maybe Steve the wire guy.