No water, but a DRIVE THRU SUBWAY?!?

I’m kind of a mess today. I cried and laughed. I tried to boost the spirits of others. I flipped people off and opened the door for others. I feel like I could easily slip into a melt down, but I’m trying not to. Here’s what’s on my screwed up, complicated female brain. I’m not feeling appreciated these days and it’s taking its toll. Ugh. I need my simple minded self to appear on occasion. Anyway, here goes.

I’m trying really hard to believe that great things happen to good people. Really hard. But I also want to believe that bad people get what’s coming to them. I have a list of bad people who don’t deserve the good that they’ve received. I will read that to Baby Jesus tonight before bed. If you want an idea of what actions bad people partake in, here are a few of them.

1.     They get arrested for possession of meth and cocaine.

2.     They accuse you of possessing the same qualities that they do. For example, a drug addict says that you, too, are an addict. Even though accused addict has never smoked a cigarette or done the pot. Lying to yourself about other people isn’t gonna get you anywhere. Instead it shows how fried your head is and how delusional you are.

3.     They use and abuse people and promise things that they have no intentions of delivering. Such as money borrowed. Or restitution. They say and text the words “I Love you,” but fail miserably at the act of love.

4.     They drag their kids into their mess. The absolute most shameful thing they could do. Sickening.

5.     They try and make you feel guilty for recognizing that they suck at life. And they continue to suck their enablers into their web of shame.

6.     They use their kids to get who and what they want.

7.     They murder or steal. They hit and run. They park in someone’s reserved parking spot, thus causing them to get a door ding. They leave their carts out in the parking lot of the supercenter on a windy day knowing it’s gonna hit someone else’s vehicle.

That’s my short list of bad things that horrible people do. None of this is personal to me. Allegedly.

Now onto the light hearted stuff.

I saw a Subway with a drive through today. BRILLIANT! Now you can eat fresh and not stink like body odor for the rest of the day. HOLLA!

I follow MTV Teen Mom 2 twitter posts. 9 out of 10 of them are about Janelle Evans. If her bad attitude and lack of human decency leads to the cancellation of this show, I will most def start a Janelle sucks fan club. With a message board. And email address like janelleevanssucksatlife@gmail.com. No. It would be Hotmail. Janelle doesn’t deserve gmail. I might even go so far as to do an AOL account. That can only be checked on dial up. Because I think that Janelle would have her DSL service cut off because she would spend all her money on crack whore boyfriends and lawyer fees. Or maybe NetZero. But her credit card would get declined when they went to auto charge her every month and that service would get shut off, too. Do you think she lives in the dark? Does she walk in the door and do a quick check to see if her lights got shut off? I’m guessing she does. Crack whore. Ugh.

I got a note on my door saying that my water would be off yesterday while they fixed a broken water line. So I was shocked to come home today and attempt to wash my hands. NOTE TO SELF. Start running the water BEFORE you squirt soap all over your hands. That sucked. Here are a few more things I’ve realized I cannot do now that I have no water.

-       Dig a well and fill it with a water hose

-       Flush the toilet…no matter what happens in it

-       Wash my George Foreman grill after making my grilled sandwich

-       Brush my teeth. Luckily I brushed them at 3:30 this morning, so I don’t really need to again, right?

-       Shave my legs because I can’t take a shower.

-       Wash my face because I have no water.

-       Wash my car because there’s no water.

-       Catch stray dogs and give them baths.

-       Bring homeless people here to get cleaned up.

-       Laundry. Let’s hope I have clean panties.

-       Fill up my Pur water container.

-       Fill up empty water bottles with sink water to reduce, reuse, and recycle.

-       Park in my reserved spot because there’s a giant hole in the ground where I normally park. That would leave a dent if I drove into it.

-       Make pasta.

-       Send containers of water to kids in Africa who don’t have clean water because that Koni guy is a drunk naked fraud.

-       Make large bags of ice to sell and, of course, donate that money to charity.

-       Wash fruits and vegetables. Or drink water by the liter like I normally do.

-       Do a neti pot to keep me from potentially drowning in my sinus drainage. If this sinus stuff kills me, the blood is on my apartment complexes hands.

-        

(I know I could go get bottles of water. Just go with me on this, people. It’s the principle.)

I automatically dismiss the thought of seeing any movie that Bruce Willis is in. Not gonna do it. He was rude to me before and I decided that I don’t want to fund his ego. And it also makes me question whether or not I should like those associated with him. Like Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Mila Kunis, and, of course, Kevin Bacon.

Tierra’s Eyebrows are following me on Twitter. Me and like 1,300 other people. Dang it.

Did the Kelly Clarkson and Jennifer Nettles “Duets” show get cancelled? If it did I’m gonna blame it on boring Robin Thicke and John Legend. Who wants to watch boring on TV?

I got the Justin Bieber acoustic album. I’m still pissed that we got left out of the movie, but maybe he will remember us…or ME…in the sequel. You should know that it was a download on a DJ site. I didn’t pay for it. It’s kind of my “suck it” to JB for being a junior DB at times.

I narrow all these Craigslist ads down to one that I can share. I will try again tomorrow though. Good night. 

Yeah, I'm kind of random

Alright. So it’s been a few days. I hope I can get my thoughts together without notes and stuff. Here goes nothing.

Just a quick note to the cashier at 7-11. If I tell you that the RedBox kiosk is broken, don’t tell ME to go over and call the number on the machine. I don’t need your RedBox to work. There’s one at the Walgreens like 50 feet away. Unless you want to pay me a 7-11 salary to get stuff done with you sit there and mouth breathe, do it your dang self.

Why is it that the pharmacy tech who looks like Gaston from Beauty and the Beast automatically rubbed me the wrong way? Was it because I just assume he’s gonna act like Gaston and be an arrogant jerkface? I’m not gonna let my cartoon comparison get in the way of being nice and giving him the benefit of the doubt, but I did have to catch myself.

Do you have people on your news feed that you can tell spend way too much of their time thinking of clever puns and crap to post? Perhaps they are unaware that the pun is the lowest form of comedy. Not impressive. In fact it’s annoying. I’m going to start hiding people from my feed because it takes everything in me to not tell them how I feel about their posts that they obviously dwelled on for way tooooo long.

I almost cut my toe off with my razor. Here’s a little TMI probably. I am one of those girls who gets little hair patches that grow occasionally on my toes. So I shave them. And I was taking aim with my razor and lost my balance and caught myself by throwing my razor on my toe. It bled a LOT. It’s better now with the help of a band aid. But it looked like that scene in Adventures in Babysitting with Brad accidentally gets stabbed in the foot by the gang members on the subway. I didn’t go to the ER though. And nobody thought I died. And no little girl who adores Thor ran up so happy that I wasn’t dead. But the idea of getting a bloody toe was the same.

I just got off the phone with Haven at Texas Tickets. She has tickets for tomorrows Lady Gaga concert here in Dallas for less than face value! So if you want to be surrounded by Little Monsters and see the talent that Whitney Houston inspired, call her at 214-696-8001.

BONUS!!!

One of my favorite things to do when I’m bored is to go through Craigslist seeking ads. I figured I will start posting some of my better finds at the end of my recaps. Here’s what made me giggle today.

I am a BLACK, LESBIAN, FULL-FIGURED WOMAN!

I have been called a stem, a feminine woman that doesn't mind being dominant

such as dressing boyish from time to time.

Or just chillin at the crib, eating take out & watching a movie.

All I ask is that YOU HAVE A CAR! I don't have one.

Please have a pic! No Men! No couples unless a lesbian couple!

Random thoughts

I'm writing this in spite of the fact that I'm distressed over this horrible breakout I'm experiencing. I've convinced myself that I'm not going through a super late puberty, but instead I attribute it to these things.
1. That pool of salt I floated in last week was greatness, but maybe pulled too much moisture out of my skin.
2. I switched my face wash for a little bit. I love Burts Bees stuff, but their face wash and make-up  removal wipes aren't for me. Lesson learned the hard way.
3. Let's face it. I'm not pregnant. I will not get pregnant without a lot of cash thrown at the effort and the deliberate attempt at it. So PMS is a big part of each and every month. And here it is. I know I'm gonna start any second now, but the outside lower part of the right side of my nose isn't itching. So what the heck?
4. Insanity. Even the warm up of this workout makes me drenched in sweat. It's some serious stuff. But I am determined to get out of my fat kid state and back into the girl who will strip down to a bikini at any given moment and dance on the pole.

So, now that you know why my face is broken out, I will just share a couple of random thoughts.

You should blow your nose one nostril at a time. Doing one hard blow that includes both might push the mucus down and cause a sinus infection. Those things such. So blow one nose hole at a time people!

Have you noticed that kids these days wear helmets for everything? I'm fairly certain I never had a helmet and look how I turned out! I get it, parents. Better safe than sorry and why take an unnecessary risk. Just funny how times have changed.

And last, I have to say thank you to everyone who has stuck with me for so long. I've been with Kidd for 14 years now. I don't know how much longer the journey will last, but I'm going to ride the wave while I can. It's very humbling to have people come up to me or Tweet me or send me Facebook messages about how I'm their favorite on the show. I don't pretend to understand that. I don't even have a mic! I have to admit that if I could listen to the show and hear me talk on it a lot, I would love me, too. But that isn't the case. So i guess there's some bond that has been formed with people who have stuck with me for so many years and, for that, I'm truly grateful.

Now, I must go reapply moisturizer to my pre-pubescent looking face. Good night!

Writing this goes against my better judgement...

I'm going to start writing on this site and just posting the link on Facebook. And...BEWARE. This might make me look like a gross, disgusting person. I probably shouldn't write this, but I tell you everything else. So why leave this out? We will lead into the gross...

1. I had a rough day yesterday. I'm sorry that I put it all out there earlier today. Monday's suck as it is. So to log on and see my whiny little blog post was probably a beat down. I apologize for that. Today was much better. I did my Insanity workout, cleaned up the spilled hot chocolate in my car, vacuumed out the crumbs that Keith (a boy) probably didn't leave, but I will blame him anyway, did load after load of laundry, and now I'm finishing up The Bachelor.

2. What I'm about to write might make you look at me in a whole new light. Or might make you never want to look at me again. I don't know. But I feel like I need to tell this.

So I have digestive issues. Always have. One time when I was younger I got so constipated they thought I was having an appendicitis. So my mom had to rush me to the ER just so they could give me ExLax and an IV. Anyway, just setting the scene, it's always been an issue for me.

As part of this Insanity thing I've been doing, I've been drinking tons of water. I drink it by the liter and today I'm on number 7 or 8. It has been helping with my digestive issues...maybe a little too much. I'm not about to tell you any Al Roker stories about sharting myself. This might be worse though. I don't know.

Here goes. Today I had to use the bathroom. And since I don't go often, I had to go a lot. And I didn't realize it when I should have. I failed to do the courtesy flush. So when I finished up, I went to flush the toilet and everything didn't want to go down. And the water kind of backed up a little bit. No big deal. Most of the gross was gone. Now it was mostly water with some grossness in it. I grabbed the plunger and saw that the water had receeded some, so why not try and flush it again. BAD IDEA.

The water started rising fast and furiously. I stuck the plunger in there and the extra mass in the toilet was more than the bowl could hold. So the  water with the grossness in it started overflowing. There was nothing I could do. I grabbed towels to catch the water so that it didn't make it's way off of the laminate flooring and near the carpet. I was successful. But I had toxic water puddles in my bathroom. Disgusting.

I think I shed a tear or two just because the OCD in me couldn't handle it. I got my heavy duty cleaning gloves and cleaned up the water as best as I could. I threw the towels away because I don't want to dry my body with that crap! Literally.

I was humiliated and nobody but me knew it happened. I have since thrown the towels in the dumpster, the dumpster has been emptied, and the gross is long gone. I have scrubbed my bathroom floor with tears streaming down my cheeks and snot running down my lip  and Clorox wipes in my hand. I probably went through about 30 of those today. I don't think any of the poopy water made it anywhere I haven't scrubbed and the floor didn't cave in on the people below me. Thank goodness. But I'm that person who apparently can't use the potty without flooding the place. Oops.

I hope you're still with me. Again, I'm humiliated by the fact that this happened and I'm probably stupid for sharing. But come on. At the end of the day, we're all human. And like the book says "Everybody poops." Some just more than others I suppose.

Good night.

Yes. I DO have feelings...

I'm gonna do an early morning MLK Day recap. I didn't get one done last night. I was pretty much good for nothing once I got home. Just felt defeated.

1. I'm not one to let my feelings get hurt easily, but they were like 3 times over the weekend. My post about Keane on Friday night was the first of it. My friend asked me if I wanted to go to the show with her a month ago. But then her ex decided that she wanted to go, so my ticket was given to her and I got the text that said "don't worry. I will find you another ticket." Why did this hurt my feelings? She offered to get a ticket for me. But why was it ME that she was gonna have to find a new ticket for? She already promised that one to me. The show was sold out. If I promised someone a ticket to a show and knew that they were excited about it, I wouldn't give that ticket away and then make them feel like crap by saying that you're gonna take time out of the overwhelming schedule you already have to find them another ticket? I told her not to bother getting a ticket for me. I didn't ask for the original ticket in the first place. She offered it. So it really rubbed me wrong to be pushed aside like that.

2. Then on Saturday I DJ'd a benefit for the Tarrant County AIDS Outreach center. It went really well. Keith was with me and the event ended at 9:30, so afterwards we went to the Dallas gayborhood. I'm friends with one of the bartenders there and she said that she was going to put me on the list at the door. They charge $6/head to get into this place, so I was all about being on that list. So we stand in the stupidly long line out in the cold and then finally get to the lady who lets people in. Keith tells her. We are on your list. Keith and Shanon. She sits and looks at him and says "what list?" That's when I jump in and tell her that I had been with my bartender friend earlier in the day and she said she was going to put Keith and me on the list to get in cover-free. The woman looks at me in a pissy way and says "What's the code word?" I say what code word? She tells me that I should've been given a code word if I was intended to get in for free. By then end of the conversation she had questioned my integrity to the point that I just gave up. I was pissed. She came just short of calling me a liar, which is one thing I am not. Not cool. At all. I was insulted by her response and when I thought about it, she hurt my feelings. I don't expect any special treatment from anyone. But I also don't expect to be treated as poorly as the ladies who work that door treat me. Lucky for me there's a new bar that's opened up downtown. They aren't greedy buttholes who charge a cover. The staff smiles at you instead of talking down to you. I'm excited about this.

3. I can't get into the specifics on this, but yesterday was someone's birthday. So I called to wish him a happy one and I ended the call saying "Have a happy birthday. I love you." The reply that I got? "Alright. Bye." This was someone who I would expect to say "I love you, too." But that didn't happen. And it really bothered me that I didn't get that. I'm no saint, but I'm also not a crack whore. Anyway, nothing I can do about it now. But it really has been bothering me.

4. I was auctioned off for the HRC yesterday and it was awful. I was humiliated. I went for $700. Which is not the least amount I've gone for, but it certainly wasn't the highest. If you follow my FB posts, you know I was terrified this would happen. I felt like the auctioneers had to beg for me to even get that much. Awful. So I'm trying to look at the positive and tell myself that I've helped raise a few thousand for the HRC at this point and I should be happy that someone wanted to even pay that much for me. So I'm gonna keep trying to be all Suzy Sunshine about it.

I've started writing in my journal on a regular basis. It's seriously no holding back. Why should I? I have transcribed text messages and written things down that should make for an awesome book one day. My hand gets tired, though. So I have to do some here and some there. But it's coming along nicely. Whoo hoo!!!

Help me hook Kelly Clarkson

I need a date to our company Christmas party. It's December 1in Dallas. Kelly Clarkson has a copy of this letter and even read some of it out loud when I was backstage with her. She stopped right after the Facebook comment portion of the letter. I think that if she sees the whole thing and that I still love here as much as I did before...in spite of her bearded boyfriend...she will agree to be my date.So your mission is to get Kelly to love me. And be my Christmas party date. OK she doesn't even have to love me. I love her enough that I might have exhausted all the love that two people could have in a relationship. Thanks for your help!


Shanon


Dear Kelly Clarkson-

Hello Kelly Clarkson. My name is Shanon Kay Murphy. The name Shanon comes from that song about the dog. And it's spelled with one "N" because my mom mis-spelled it because she was overmedicated when she filled out my birth certificate. Kay and Murphy are both family names. Murphy is my maiden name because I'm not married. I'm a lesbian and, even if I had someone who wanted to marry me, it's not legal here. Dang the luck.

I have Facebooked you many a times, but have never gotten a reply. I will admit that I'm pretty upset by this news, but I know you're a big celebrity and probably don't have time for fans such as me. I know that you're composing some of the biggest songs of all time, like Stronger, Mr. Know It All, Grown Up Christmas List, I Do Not Hook Up (although I wish you did), My Life Would Suck Without You, Miss Independent, The Trouble With Love Is, Since U Been Gone, A Moment Like This, O Holy Night, Breakaway, Behind These Hazel Eyes, Walk Away, Breakaway, Never Again, and the Star Spangled Banner. Good job on those, Kelly Clarkson? 

I feel like I should make a list of all the reasons why I love you the way I do. Because I really do love you. On behalf of all those who claim to love you as much as I do, I will compose my list now.

1. You have cute puppies

2. You love Donny Osmond

3. You have pretty eyes

4. I love the pants you wear in the video for "Walk Away." Can I please have them?

5. You let my good friend Matt Nathanson open for you. I love his song "Run"

6. You have a fun accent. I like accents

7. If you would facebook me back, Im pretty sure we could be best friends

That's just a few of the reasons why I love you. I could go on, but I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. 

Please email me and let me know where to pick you up for our date. shanon@kiddlive.com

I love you always and forever, Kelly Clarkson!

XOXO

Shanon Kay Murphy

Kidd's Kids 2012 Wrap Up

Wow. It’s the last day of another Kidd’s Kids trip. I am exhausted, but I wouldn’t change it. I got to spend my weekend with some incredible people. I’m sure that people think that I am the number one Kellie Rasberry butt kisser in the world. And you know what? I would be more than happy to hold that position if she would be comfortable with it. But I don’t think she could ever be ok with that. But I would do it in a heartbeat. I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of character and, in my eyes, she walks the walk. On the radio, Kellie is funny and quick and smart and well spoken and just captures your attention. Off the air she is exactly the same. The Kellie that you guys know from the radio is authentic Kellie. Brilliance. I’ve been lucky enough the past 3 years or so to be in Kellie’s “pod” on the Kidd’s Kids Trip. That means that I am with Kellie for the majority of the trip. I’m kind of her right hand man. And I can tell you that I’m not the only person who thinks that she hung the moon. The families here adore her as well. And, after this trip, I see where she gets it from. Mr. and Mrs. Rasberry flew in to see what this trip is all about and I seriously enjoyed getting to spend some time with them. With my lifestyle and their religious beliefs, it would be easy for them not to even give me a chance. But they do. Mr. Rasberry is one of the most considerate people I’ve met. He’s always asking how you’re doing and helping out. He made the kids feel like the stars they are on this trip by getting all of their autographs. He’s just a genuinely good, nice human being who I can say I’m proud to know. Mrs. Rasberry is the same way. Always there to lend a hand when it’s needed. She’s a momma at heart and it shows in the way that she treats those around her. And then there’s Emma Kelly. I held that little girl the day she was born, and I’ve not had that much opportunity to really hang out with her. But Kellie wanted her to experience this trip and see how other kids live their lives, so she paid for her to come to WDW. Emma Kelly has empathy and patience and all of the qualities that parents want their child to have. She gets the fact that she is fortunate to be healthy and happy. She adores her mom and is so sweet in showing it. She and I hung out enough this trip that she held my hand while we were walking through the park. She would walk up and hug me. She made friends with the Kidd’s Kids who hung out with us. She is seriously a cool kid and I’m feeling seriously lucky to have seen it first hand this weekend. But that’s just the first part of the awesomeness of Kidd’s Kids 2012.

     I said in one of my Facebook posts that every year there’s a kid or two that just steals my heart. This year was no exception. Victoria is one of those kids. I put pictures of her on every social feed I could. In fact I attribute the fact that I used all of the data allotted on my cell phone plan to posting pictures and other stuff about her. I mean that. I got a text yesterday that said that I only have 10% of my data left. Ahhhh! But it was worth it to share it with you guys who made this trip happen. She is an inspiration that I wish every person I know could meet. She smiles all the time. She wasn’t expected to be able to walk or talk, but who walked with me through Hollywood Studios and said grace before we could eat lunch? Uhm that would be Victoria. The miracle child. There are about 56 miracle children on this trip, not including the amazing siblings that have to bear the burden of stuff themselves.  There are some teenage girls here who put most teenage girls to shame. For real. Most 15 year olds pitch a fit if they’re not the center of attention. But the kids on this trip. Get what it means to have empathy. If their sister can’t ride, they don’t ride. Even if we ask them 10 times if they’re sure they don’t want to ride something, they stick with NO! I’ve met some pretty cool teenagers before, but I have to be honest and tell you that most of them have been on a Kidd’s Kids trip. Unbelievable people.

I just finished learning how to do the double shuffle from one of the kids. I think I’m officially old because that stuff wore me out. But it was great.

And I have to be honest with another fact. That while this trip puts the greatness of some people into perspective, it also makes me realize that some people just suck at life. They cut off a wheelchair and then give the kid an evil look for being in their way.  And I can’t even tell you the horrible thoughts that go through my head and the kick in the gut I feel when I’m walking with a kid who has some form of Cancer and there’s a smoker sitting there lighting up, not even remotely recognizing the irony of the situation. Here you are CHOOSING to do damage to yourself and the people around you while this poor child has no choice but to bear this burden. It makes me want to just scream at them the ignorance I know that they have with every puff. And I know that we are all entitled to making our own choices and I’m not going to judge them for smoking. It’s just under the circumstances and seeing all of these kids who did nothing to bring this stuff on themselves…it makes me angry. I’m angry because of this amazing little guy who has Duchenne’s Muscular Dystrophy who will likely not live past his 20’s and has so much potential that he will likely never get to fulfill. And then there are all of those people who have the world at their fingertips and they take a break from it every fifteen minutes to puff away at something that’s doing them nothing but harm. Ugh.

Back to the positive stuff. Derrick Brown is a saint among men. He is the guy in charge of Kidd’s Kids. He takes care of every little detail we could imagine and then the ones that come up during the trip. You would think that the man has a direct line to Mickey Mouse and Jesus because he does his job with such intensity and passion that I can’t explain it any other way. Lyndsay Davis is Derrick’s right hand woman. All the guys in the office appreciate the fact that she is HOT. I get it. She is. But she’s not one of those who skates through life with her looks. She has learned from Derrick how to make dreams come true. She does her job with grace and calmness and I’m in awe of her as well. Of course Kidd is the man who started all of this and continues this amazing tradition year after year. And he has done a fabulous job of surrounding himself with people who give a damn. In today’s world it seems like that’s hard to come by. I am so incredibly blessed to be able to call these people my family. Very lucky. I hope that I continue to be blessed for a long time to come. 

Oh, a couple more things. Todd Graves from Raising Canes did an incredible thing when he gave every Kidd's Kid an iPad. I have seen more parents taking pictures and videos with the iPads than normal cameras. And, as always, Southwest Airlines. What can I possibly say to give justice to a company that donates an airplane and fuel and staff to take care of us. They throw the coolest going away party in a private hanger. And they have a smile on their faces throughout the whole thing. At the end of the day, so many people come together to make this trip once in a lifetime. And our listeners who donate the money to fund all that isn't donated. AMAZING!!! I am proud to know that I work for  an organization you trust enough to give your hard earned money to. THANK YOU!