Another blog that’s been too long since the last one. I’m
sorry about that. It’s been a blur lately and I’ve had a hard time making sense
of things.
We can start with the obvious. We are trying to keep KKITM a
show that Kidd would be proud to have his name on. It’s a lot different these
days. I’m not saying different is bad. It’s just different. I had 14 years to
“get” Kidd. And I think I had the man down pretty well. Now I’m trying to “get”
the flow of a show without Kidd. Honestly, I think we’ve been doing a pretty
decent job. Of course I’ve screwed up about 700 times already, but I’m trying and
I can assure you that the other people in that studio are trying, too. Just be
patient with us as we try and find our way in a world that used to have a super
fancy, updated, top of the line navigation system built in. Now we are driving
with a Mapsco, but as a team we are going to find a way.
I guess all I can really say is that the messages of love
and support have been completely overwhelming. And that’s putting it lightly.
The truth is that none of us or anyone else could ever fill Kidd’s shoes.
That’s not what we’re trying to do. Kidd was a visionary in the radio industry.
There are some radio sites that have tributes written about Kidd and how he has
changed the entire path of morning radio. I knew he was great at what he did,
but I didn’t understand the depths of it until after his passing. So now that
the show carries on, all we can hope to do is follow the lessons that he taught
us. We all knew that Kidd would retire one day, but we didn’t know that he
would suddenly pass away. So while we mourn the loss of our leader, co-worker,
and for a lot of us family member, we try and see the light at the end of the
tunnel and do a radio show that you still want to listen to everyday. Growing
pains SUCK, but they’re a necessary evil. I jut want to say thank you for your
continued support of us individually and as a show. We’re gonna make Kidd
proud….hopefully while you listen.
I’m going to cuss in the next sentence, so close your eyes
or whatever if that offends you. Life has been a shit storm lately. I’m not
telling you this because I want sympathy or anything like that. I’m just
spelling it out.
Samantha did move to Maui. I still don’t know the words to
say that would properly convey my feelings about this. I’m insanely proud of
her and Orlando for just doing what their hearts told them to. Find new
beginnings. Make new memories in new places without constant reminders of their
pain. I know that a lot of people in my world don’t see it that way, but I
think that being mad or upset with them for going is selfish and mean. They
lost their baby. And for them every place they go here in Dallas sparks some
memory made with Ethan before he passed. Which is comforting to some degree,
but it just keeps the wound open just enough where it refuses to heal. They
weren’t happy. There was pressure on them to have another baby. Again, not fair
for anyone else to tell them that having another child would make them happy
again. Ethan cannot be replaced. And implying that getting pregnant will fix
everything is pretty much setting the groundwork for the thought that he could
be replaced. That’s an unfair position to put them in. They will have another
baby if and when the time is right for them. In the meantime, they’re enjoying
their once in a lifetime opportunity to dive in headfirst. Do what feels right
and live their lives for themselves. Sam and Orlando aren’t anybody’s parents.
They owe nothing to anyone. So hostility about their choice to leave doesn’t
set well with me. At all. And I won’t hear it. Yeah, I’m sad because Sam and I
are really close. While moving to Hawaii with them sounds like a fantastic
idea, truth be told I couldn’t even afford to have my car put on the ferry over
there at this point. I have to get my crap together because the crap that I’ve
allowed to weigh me down for so long is doing just that. Weighing me down.
Making every move painful and stress filled. I had decided in my head to follow
Sam and Orlando’s lead and do what I needed to do for me. But I guess the
universe wasn’t aligned with my thought process and now I have to reevaluate. I
guess certain things just weren’t meant to be right now.
Long story short…I’m proud of Samantha and Orlando for following
their hearts. Taking the time to heal. Gaining distance from the pressures that
only add stress to their already heavy hearts. Unfairly.
I asked last week for prayers for my friend BJ Reynolds. He
was in bad shape. I won’t get into the specifics, but he had to be put into a
coma and had brain swelling and a whole bunch of stuff that was awful. I went
to the hospital last Tuesday to see him and it will forever be etched in my
brain. I got a text saying that BJ passed away around 7:15 on Thursday night.
That just so happened to be during the Concert for Kidd’s Kids. Bad timing to
say the least. I called his dad immediately after I got the text just to hear
his voice. I know he’s not OK. I know that he doesn’t care how sorry I am that
I wasn’t there at the hospital when it happened. He told me the one thing that
I’ve talked about not wanting to hear before. He’s in a better place. But it’s
different this time. BJ really is in a better, pain free place. He’s struggled
so much over the last 4 years and was living on life support, sustaining more
brain damage every day. Had he been able to sustain his own life, he would have
been a vegetable. He’s not that guy. So for the first time I truly do believe
that he is in a better place. He will be missed by me and many others, but
thank goodness BJ’s family has a super awesome support system to help lift them
up. I’m so proud to be able to call BK, his dad Jerry, ad step-mom Kelly my
friends. And as of last week, my two newest heroes.
Strength can be hard to find sometimes. Some of us can lie
in bed for a week because we got dumped by a boyfriend of a month. Or because
we didn’t get the promotion or pay raise at work. But to have to plan memorial
services for your child is the ultimate in down. I’ve had to see my sister and
brother-in-law do it. They both know how highly I hold them in regard. And now
BJ’s parents fit in that same category. Jerry told me that he felt OK leaving
the hospital when I was there visiting BJ in times past because he was my bud.
If you don’t know BJ, here’s how I describe him. He’s kind of the brother I
never had. We would call each other names and he took drunken videos of me
saying inappropriate things. I didn’t worry about them because I trusted him
100%. I told Jerry and Kelly that I knew that if I had driven 45 minutes away
to go out, got drunk, called BJ at 4AM and asked him to come pick me up 45
minutes away…he would do it. No questions asked. And he wouldn’t try to take
advantage of my drunk lightweight ass. He was just that guy. Those kinds of
people don’t cross my path very often. So I feel blessed to have been able to
call him my friend and now I’m just as proud to call his parents my heroes.
Amber has been my rock through all of this. And I know that’s been hard on her because we
live so far away from each other. But she has been by my side, wiped my snot,
dried my tears, and made me get up and do something. She wasn’t going to allow
me to fall into the hole that I did when my Ethan passed away. I would do the
same for her, but that’s always been me. I am a caretaker. I’ve not been one to
allow anyone else to hold me up when all I wanted to do was fall. But I let it
happen with her and I think that God is smiling down on her for being able to
withstand my weight.
On a lighter note, what do you guys think of the show?
Constructive words, please. What do you love about it? What could be better?
Please don’t take this as an opportunity to be rude or hateful because I will
just delete your post. Please give an honest answer of what you think needs to
happen in order to keep KKITM alive in a fashion that Kidd would be proud to
have his name on.
Thanks for reading.
Shanon