This blog brought to you in part by total sanity and then, later on, sinus med induced ramblings

I’ve been sick. It’s been awful. My throat felt like fiery knives were sliding down it with every swallow. I sounded like a man. I rarely run a fever, so when I do it sucks! Body aches. It hurt my head to even push to pee. Am I peeing wrong or is that just some serious sinus mess built up? Inability to hold food down (it’s still an issue). Dizziness. My doctor called in some antibiotics and amazing cough syrup, but this stuff is sticky in my chest. Not fun. Or attractive.

I’ve noticed that most of the people at work are Vice President of something. I’m the loser who doesn’t even have a chair at the office, much less a VP title. So I am officially naming myself Vice President of Nothing at Kidd Kraddick in the Morning. If you skip over the middle part and just see VP KKITM, it looks impressive, right? Would that be dishonest? Or creative???

I want to be a part of the next NOH8 photo shoot when it rolls through town. I think it would be cool to take part in that kind of event. So I need someone to remind the Vice President of Nothing at KKITM about any scheduled dates in Dallas. A VP should have an assistant, right?

My first ever paid DJ job was at Big Al’s McKinney Avenue Tavern. That was like 3 years ago. This Friday is my 2^nd PAID club DJ job at Eden Lounge in Dallas. I’m terrified. I try to act so cool and so confident in my music choices, but it’s about to be put out there for all the cool lesbians in Dallas to see. Cuz only the cool ones will be coming to Eden Lounge. Friday. 10PM-2AM. I’ve written a jingle/rap about the benefits of coming to see me at Eden Lounge versus going to other establishments. I will try and get that produced and posted tomorrow.

Does being sick cause a person to have crazy dreams? I’ve dreamt of sea turtles running through the studio, our engineer dressed up as a sea turtle chasing the real ones to keep them moving. But somewhere in all the craziness I’ve also dreamt of my Ethan a lot over the past week.  I think of him all the time and probably even dream about him a lot, but I don’t remember my dreams. So it’s extra special for me when I wake up knowing that he was the focus of these movies in my brain. I miss him more with time.

I feel like my mind set is still on track to make this a great year. I downloaded and started to read a book called “Awaken the Giant Within.” A mega successful friend of mine recommended it to me. He says it’s life changing, so I’m going to give it a try. I’m putting on my big girl panties and making my life what I want it to be. I will only involve the people I want to include in my happiness and not feel guilt for shutting others out. Face value relationships mean little to me anymore. I’m not going to play the game that some people around me have tried to involve me in. There’s an overwhelming sense of self satisfaction that comes with giving into an occasional selfish decision. And it only took me 31 years to figure that out. I’ve been called every name in the book this week by a person who claims to love me. I see that words can be used as more than a means of manipulation. And I guess that my feelings have been like a moldable, mushy pile of play doh for long enough. Now I’m all dried up and set in my ways.

And when I say I’m all dried up, I don’t mean like ALL dried up. I think I still produce those eggs I’ve talked about selling. My nose is runny, so I know that’s not dry. Instead of drying off with a towel after a shower, I rub baby oil on my body and drip dry. I feel like that makes my skin softer. I drink a lot of water, so my bladder is never dry. I don’t like Ginger Ale because it’s dry, so I guess that means I like wet drinks? The things that make my mind go non-stop. And when I say non-stop, I mean it. Look at my crappy sleep patterns for last night. And this is consistent on nights when I don’t feel like I might wake up dead.